I Finally Learned How to Look Inward

(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa many years ago, and thought I knew how to look inward. However, I still couldn’t examine myself and cultivate solidly when I was faced with problems. I only looked inward superficially during conflicts in my life and work, but I was not able to pass family tribulations. 

My wife also practices Falun Dafa. She is introverted and does not speak much. She feels frustrated and closes up when she faces a slight defeat. I always help her cultivate by pointing out where she can do better. She is not good at speaking, and I often keep on talking, and appear to know it all. On the surface I appear to be following the Fa, and I can easily talk for two hours without stopping. But the more I talk the worse she feels until her head aches. I become angry and feel self-righteous. 

This went on for years without much improvement. I felt frustrated and knew the situation was incorrect. The relationship between a cultivating husband and wife should be very harmonious. I didn’t know how to change it, until one day I suddenly understood it when we read the Fa together. 

Master said, 

“Some people always insist, “My, how come that person always has such an attitude? Why is he like that with everyone?” And there are some people who say, “Well nobody thinks too highly of him.” But if you ask me, your master, you’re all wrong. When none of you are attached anymore to wanting to hear pleasing things, when none of you are affected when you’re insulted, see if he’ll still be like that. Exactly because you have those attachments, there exist factors that hit on your attachments; and exactly because those attachments of yours are stirred up, you get irritated; when all of you have those attachments, the situation where everyone is irritated by the person who hit on their attachments comes about. If you can all keep a calm and steady state of mind while being assaulted by strong words, and you’re not at all affected, then see if those factors still exist.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2004 Chicago Fa Conference”, Collected Teachings Given Around the World, Volume IV)

I always looked outward before. I thought I was helping her. I didn’t realize that my language and even the way I stood was commanding. I was not compassionate. Sometimes I even shut her up, thinking she was making excuses. I am a chauvinist at home. I did not do chores around the house, and felt they belonged to women. I did not empathize with her. I always felt it was her problem when she did not follow my suggestions. In reality it was I who was conceited and I looked down on her when she couldn’t express herself well. 

I finally learned how to look inward and cultivate myself. As a matter of fact when one feels bad and is bothered by anything in one’s social life, it must be that one’s attachments haven’t been removed. They are exposed. Exactly because of these attachments that touch one's heart, we should use the opportunity to eliminate them. 

The environment around us is a mirror. It reflects our attachments that we haven’t yet removed. Now I am more thoughtful. I proactively look for my attachments to ego, guarding my self interest, and emotion, and I eliminate them from the root. 

Now I am much nicer to my wife. I eliminated my attachments to being impatient, showing off, competitiveness, and being self-righteous. I can put myself in other people’s shoes. I find that my wife has many strengths: She is kind and unassuming. She has a pure heart, and is steadfast in Dafa. 

Our family is more harmonious now. We read and discuss the Fa, and progress together. We work diligently on the three things to fulfill our missions.