Family Conflicts Help Me Let Go of My Attachments

(Minghui.org) I would like to tell you how a family conflict helped expose my attachments and eliminate them.

Constant Family Conflicts

I used to think I was cultivating well. I went to rural areas with other practitioners to clarify the truth and distribute information. I also went to various government departments to tell them about Falun Dafa and ask that arrested practitioners be released. When the others praised me, my ego became inflated. I thought I had righteous thoughts and cultivated well but I regarded doing things as cultivation.

Looking back now, I am embarrassed. Through Master’s arrangement, I got to interact with a practitioner who was more solid in cultivation. I saw where I was lacking and reevaluated my cultivation state. I discovered that I was cultivating superficially. Many attachments were covered up in the process of doing truth-clarification work. I did not improve my xinxing—especially when it came to family tribulations, I did badly. I was perplexed.

When COVID broke out in 2020, my husband broke his collarbone while riding a motorcycle one day before Chinese New Year. Due to the pandemic, he could not go to the hospital for treatment. As he had only recently begun to practice Falun Dafa, he was not clear on the Fa principles and not strong in his conviction. Whenever he was in pain, he would complain. He lost his temper and shouted at me. It was as if he was a different person.

My daughter who was in high school had to switch to online classes at home due to the pandemic. She was already addicted to her mobile phone. Now, she shut herself in her room and was on her phone all day, neglecting her studies. When I criticized her, she argued back loudly. I became upset and lost my temper as well. I even couldn’t help but hit and scold her. Moved by emotions, I often wept in secret. 

To add to my troubles, I had never-ending conflicts with my mother-in-law who is also a practitioner. She always pulled a long face and I had to agree with her on everything. It was a pain to have to face her daily.

At night when our family read the Fa together, my mother-in-law read too slowly and mispronounced many words. Whoever accidentally read an extra paragraph, she would become upset. The more she behaved like that, the more I looked down on her. I thought she was selfish, overbearing and behaved worse than a non-practitioner.

Letting Go of Emotions

My rational side told me that as a practitioner, there is a reason for everything we encounter. It must have something to do with my cultivation. These tribulations are meant to help me improve and expand my capacity.

Reflecting on my thoughts, I observed that I had strong feelings for my husband and daughter. I was worried that my husband would fall behind in his cultivation and as a result, I kept looking after him like he was a child. I tried to get him to study the Fa more frequently and this put pressure on him. I was also worried my daughter’s grades would get worse due to her addiction to her phone and I was even more afraid that she would slack off in cultivation. On the surface it looked like I had their interests at heart but the truth is, I was trying to control them.

Master Li, the founder of Falun Dafa, said,

“You are unable to interfere with the lives of others, and neither can you control others’ fates, including those of your wife, sons, daughters, parents, or brothers. Can you decide those things? Furthermore, how will you cultivate if you do not have any worries or troubles? How can you do the exercises comfortably and restfully? How can there be such a thing? That is what you think from the perspective of everyday people.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)

I was enlightened by Master’s teachings. I no longer felt unfairly treated when my husband berated me. Instead I comforted and encouraged him patiently. I later observed that he changed. He was able to control his temper and took the initiative to study the Fa. His xinxing was constantly improving as well. I learned to slowly let go of my sentiments towards my daughter. I resisted the urge to rebuke her when she behaved unreasonably. I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate the negative substances that controlled her addiction to her mobile phone in other dimensions. Gradually, I was able to calm down and was no longer moved by her behavior.

My daughter said to me on many occasions she is here to help me in cultivation. How true that is. When I let go of my attachments, my daughter became more peaceful too. When she shared her cultivation experiences, she pointed out where I was lacking and what she said was based on the Fa. I was astonished.

I also found a deeply hidden attachment to seeking fame: I hoped my daughter would be accepted into a university as that would prove to friends and relatives that Dafa is good. In reality, it was to satisfy my quest for vanity. I must eliminate this dirty attachment.

Through sending righteous thoughts nonstop, I felt that Master helped me take away some of the bad substances. My body felt light.

Treating My Mother-in-law With Kindness

My conflicts with my mother-in-law were constant. It was mainly because of my notions. I kept thinking she was selfish, domineering and competitive. Everyone in the family thought so too and I looked down on her. Although my mother-in-law changed her ways after practicing Dafa, my opinion of her did not change. I kept judging her using Dafa’s standards. She was attached to money and this made me dislike her.

One time, our son was going to get married. Our finances were already tight, yet my mother-in-law kept asking us for money and would not accept what we said when we discussed the situation with her. Furthermore, she already had a sum of money in her hands. She held onto her money and asked us for more. This reinforced my opinion of her: iron fisted, selfish and inconsiderate.

Not long after, she said she could not find her savings. I was secretly happy. I thought, “Now you will learn a lesson, don’t be attached to money.” I judged her using Dafa’s standards and thought she should do this and that instead of looking at myself. This incident exposed my resentment, jealousy and mentality of gloating at other people’s misfortunes.

I was ashamed of my bad thoughts and made up my mind to cultivate myself solidly. Whenever bad thoughts surfaced, I eliminated them and stopped them from having any effect. I regarded my mother-in-law’s faults as a mirror reflecting my own shortcomings. In the process, I discovered other attachments, such as pursuit of gain, a competitive nature, reluctance to take criticism, attachment to self, and so on.

Master exposed all my deeply hidden, stubborn attachments so that I could get rid of them quickly. Yet when it came to eliminating these bad thoughts, the process was agonizing. At last I thought, “My innate nature is assimilated to the characteristics of Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance. These bad notions are formed postnatally. They are not the true me. I don’t want them. Master please help me.” My main consciousness became stronger and it was easier to eliminate these attachments. Then I was not that easily led by human emotions.

One day, my mother-in-law came home from a relative’s house. She pulled a long face the minute she stepped through the door. My husband said to me quietly, “What’s wrong with Mother?” The next morning after breakfast, she questioned me loudly, “Where is my box? I still have money in the box.” I quickly brought it over and showed her. There was nothing missing in it. She criticized me, “Why did you take my box away?” I calmly explained, “Mother, this box was obstructing your granddaughter who is studying, so I moved it to the top shelf in the cupboard.”

She continued to question me, “Did you throw away my mat?” I answered, “No, I put it in the cabinet.” I took it out and showed it to her. I remained calm throughout the exchange because I saw through the old forces’ intention to create gaps between us. I let go of my resentment and stopped this crisis. My mother-in-law smiled.

Finally I took a step forward in practicing cultivation solidly. That night, while doing the sitting meditation, I felt enveloped by an energy field. It was an amazing experience. It also felt wonderful being able to look within.

Through studying the Fa more, looking within and getting rid of the human heart, indeed, things will take a turn for the better. My mother-in-law’s attitude towards me improved and now I don’t mind sharing cultivation experiences with her. Our whole family now gets along harmoniously. Practicing cultivation is amazing!