When I Looked Inward, Great Tribulations Dissolved (Part II)

(Minghui.org) (Continued from Part I) For years, I failed to look inward to find my own shortcomings and this caused many tribulations in my family. It was especially reflected in my troubled marriage. From silent treatment to heated arguments to physical fights, my husband and I always had conflicts. This had been an ongoing test for me in my cultivation.

The situation reached a boiling point in 2018 after my husband had a stroke and began to accuse me of having affairs.

Studying the Fa Helped Me Improve

I knew I needed to read the Fa and examine my cultivation state. I spent hours reading the teachings and I was finally able to calm down. These passages of the Fa came to mind,

“When encountering conflicts, cultivators should bear them. Furthermore, you yourself should be able to endure, and only then can you truly ascend.” (Teachings at the Conference in Houston)

“I often say that when another person takes advantage of you or causes trouble for you, or when you suffer, you shouldn’t bear a grudge towards that person, because you are practicing cultivation.” (Teachings at the Conference in Houston)

“Forbearance is the key to improving one’s xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator.” (“What is Forbearance (Ren)?” Essentials For Further Advancement)

If I was an ordinary person, I would most definitely seek revenge. However, as a cultivator, I must listen to Master. Master told us to endure, then I must endure. Only when we can answer bad deeds with kindness are we following Dafa’s standards. I looked within but couldn’t find what I did wrong, which made it more difficult to endure.

In the following months, it didn’t matter how hard my husband tried to make it up to me, by cooking, doing laundry, or being supportive of me clarifying the truth, I couldn’t forgive him.

The tension between us built up and finally exploded a few months later. This time, we fought and argued for two days. We made our own meals and ate separately. I asked for my medical card back and no longer supported him financially. He didn’t have health insurance and had been using the money on my card. He receives very little retirement pension so he just leaves it in his savings account and spends my money.

I filed for divorce with the local court and found an attorney who knows the truth about Dafa and is supportive of practitioners. After listening to my story, he asked cautiously, “Don’t you think you’re being a little overbearing? Maybe you should calm down, think it over, and ask yourself if you’ve done everything right. If you truly want a divorce, please bring a written statement next time.” I knew that the attorney was trying to delay the process to give me time to think it over. I also felt that I wasn’t calm enough so I decided to wait a little bit.

I was at a loss about what to do next. I asked Master Li (Dafa’s founder) to steer me in the right direction. Where is my path?

Master said,

“We say that when you take a step back in a conflict, you will find the seas and the skies boundless, and it will certainly be a different situation.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun )

Only when one takes a step back can he find a way out. I needed to take a step back. If I kept pushing forward, I’d be on the edge of a breakdown. When I had this thought Master’s poem came to mind,

“Compassion can harmonize Heaven and Earth, ushering in springRighteous thoughts can save the people in this world”(“The Fa Rectifies the Cosmos,” Hong Yin Volume II Translation Version A)

I suddenly realized, “Is what I am doing really cultivation? Where is my compassion? Where are my righteous thoughts?”

My attorney met with my husband the next day and the conversation went well. He told my husband that Falun Dafa is not against the law in China and the practice is accepted by countries around the world.

I dug deeper and examined myself. I admitted in front of the attorney, “Over the years, I have been arrogant, selfish, and looked down on my husband. I have not given him the respect he deserves. I badmouthed him in front of his family and even his family doesn’t like him now. During the last two decades of persecution, he has lived in a constant state of worry and fear all because of me. He has suffered tremendously because of my choices. Poor man! However, I had never put myself in his shoes and considered his feelings. I only focused on how I was hurt. I was selfish.” My husband also promised to never fight with me again.

Eliminating the Root of My Hatred

As I eliminated my attachments, my level moved up. However, I didn’t enlightened to higher Fa principles and still had not gotten rid of my fundamental attachment. I was not up to the higher requirements Master had for me. I knew the tribulation was meant for me to improve myself which was a good thing, but how did I bring this tribulation on myself? Why was my resentment becoming stronger and stronger?

I shared these concerns with another practitioner and she said, “You are still being influenced by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) culture. The tendency to control others, competitiveness, lust, and resentment are all Party culture, and so is wanting a divorce. It is deviating from the norm and tradition to do as you wish, such as staying in marriage as you please and divorcing whenever you feel like it. Think of the values presented in Shen Yun—it is bringing mankind back on track with ancient values and traditions. As cultivators, we need to be the forerunners in this regard.”

I was shocked to hear those words. True, I was still very much influenced by Party culture. From the time I was born and throughout my entire adulthood, I have been immersed in Party culture. It has permeated our society since the CCP took power and has instilled in the Chinese people a set of backward standards of good and evil and a twisted way of thinking. Growing up in this environment, what we have been exposed to are lies, violence, competitiveness, resentment, and sexual content.

Hatred and the corrupted substances of the lowest level of the universe constitute the true nature of the Communist evil spirit. It sees humankind as its enemy and its ultimate goal is to destroy humankind by bringing down human morals with the contiguous Communist Party culture. As a result, the morality of our society as a whole is rapidly declining. The old forces plan on destroying cultivators by strengthening our attachments that have not been completely eliminated.

I gave out copies of The Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party and The Ultimate Goal Of Communism every day, yet I have not truly understood their content. I didn’t realize my way of thinking was still heavily influenced by Party culture and neither did I realize that I needed to clear my field of such substances. This is precisely why although I spent a lot of time reading the Fa and sending righteous thoughts and examined myself for attachments, my resentment kept growing and eventually turned into hatred. I brought this tribulation on myself! I finally realized the root cause is Party culture.

Learning from other practitioners’ experiences, I started listening to audiobooks of The Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, The Ultimate Goal Of Communism, and The Specter of Communism is Ruling Our World. I listened to them while making truth-clarification booklets and also at night. Besides listening to these audiobooks over and over, I also sent righteous thoughts for long periods of time to clear my field of Party culture poison, the old forces, and my imposing nature, selfishness, competitiveness, and lust. All of these attachments and human notions stemmed from selfishness. As time passed, I could feel that my energy field cleared up and my competitiveness and resentment became weaker and weaker.

Getting Rid of Lust

Once I truly saw the situation, it became clear to me that “lust” stemmed from communism. Society is filled with lust and casual sex outside of marriage. The CCP’s top officials were all perverted or having affairs. The CCP spirit is trying to drag humankind into hell with this powerful desire.

My husband’s bad thoughts were strengthened and used to interfere with me. The fact that he was able to get to me meant that I still had those substances in my field. I still liked to judge people based on their looks; I preferred beautiful clothes; I envied practitioners married to other practitioners, especially when the husbands are capable and nice to their wives. If I did not get rid of these attachments and maintain strong righteous thoughts, I would not be able to completely eliminate lust.

After talking to other practitioners who had had similar tribulations and reading many articles on Minghui, I decided that sending righteous thoughts for extended periods of time was the most effective way to get rid of lust. Inspired by other practitioners, I focused on this thought while sending righteous thoughts, “I am Master Li Hongzhi’s disciple and I do not acknowledge any other arrangements. I only follow the path arranged by Master. Eliminate lust and all karma in my field. Eliminate all bad thoughts related to lust. Eliminate sentimentality between husband and wife. Cultivate my heart and sever lust.”

I also focused my righteous thoughts on just one person sometimes. I eliminated the old forces and all of their arrangements for this person, cleared their energy field of all demons of lust and sentimentality, and got rid of all beings and substances that deviated from the Fa. I dedicated a few days to just sending righteous thoughts. Some sessions lasted an hour long and some half an hour. I kept sending righteous thoughts and saw good results. There was less interference and the tension between my husband and I lessened.

I was finally able to rectify myself in the Fa which brought me positive changes physically and mentally. With many bad things eliminated, I found myself having more compassion toward others. I even had a breakthrough and meditated in the full lotus position for an entire hour. Many of my stubborn sickness symptoms, such as heart arrhythmia, tinnitus, and asthma were gone.

Dissolving the Great Tribulation

One day I was memorizing the Fa when a sudden thought popped up, “Is it because I haven’t cultivated well that it keeps my husband from obtaining the Fa? Maybe his main consciousness is anxious to obtain the Fa?” The next day, my husband came into my room three times and hung around without saying anything. I asked if he was looking for something, he said, “Are you reading your book?” I said, “If you want to read it, you can read it first.” So he took it.

He told me the following day that he had finished the first lecture and wanted to continue. I gave him my copy of Zhuan Falun. He read the book three times, listened to Master’s Fa lectures several times, and read more than a dozen truth-clarification booklets.

On Chinese New Year day, my husband ran into a friend who mentioned that he wanted to learn more about Dafa. My husband hurried home to grab a few truth-clarification booklets and took them to his friend’s home. For the first time, he helped two people quit the Party and its youth organizations. Ever since then he has been carrying truth-clarification materials with him wherever he goes. He has given out more than 200 booklets and fliers and helped more than 140 people, mostly Party members, quit the Party. But he has yet to start practicing.

When the CCP’s law enforcement started arresting practitioners again last July, my husband stopped clarifying the truth out of fear. But he has learned that Dafa is good. Now if someone at the market gives him a booklet, he takes it and gives it to someone else. When he buys produce from the vendors, he doesn’t pick the good ones or haggle anymore. People sometimes mistake him for a Dafa practitioner.

We still had conflicts sometimes. My resentment and competitiveness often surfaced and sometimes even very strongly. But I knew this is the cultivation process. I find it easy to pass these tests now just as long as I truly follow the requirements of the Fa, constantly look inward to examine and rectify myself, and stay diligent with righteous thoughts to eliminate all traces of my remaining attachments. I finally feel confident to say that I’ve gotten over the big hurdle and dissolved the great tribulation of family relations.

My imposing nature and hatred brought about the greatest tribulation in my cultivation. Our more than 20 years of troubled marriage was like an iceberg that eventually crumbled in the light of Dafa’s boundless compassion. A seemingly helpless situation changed. Master has put in so much hope and so much effort to help me along the process. It took me way too long to enlighten and I let Master down. I want to tell Master, “Thank you, Master. Thank you, Master!”

Cultivating Solidly and Save More People During the Pandemic

Now that I have a supportive husband and a good cultivation environment, I will cultivate even more diligently and do the three things even better. I’ve kept a routine of clarifying the truth in the mornings and studying the Fa in the afternoons. When I’m walking, I’m always reciting the Fa. I try to always keep the Fa in mind so other thoughts and Party culture can’t interfere. At this critical moment in history, the very last stretch of the Fa-rectification, we don’t have any time to waste—we have to cultivate ourselves well and save more people.

When the COVID pandemic started in 2020, our residential community and the villages in the surrounding areas were all locked down. How can I save people when they couldn’t come outside? I am here to save people. I was so worried that my hair turned gray.

I increased Fa study time first, then slowly ventured out to my own community. I made small stickers with Dafa information and posted them in elevators. I told everyone I met that people were cured of the virus by reciting “Falun Dafa is good.” I gave them amulets and told them how important it is to separate themselves from the CCP.

A few local practitioners got together and we all agreed that we cannot just stay home. We had to do what we could to save people. We divided up tasks and I was in charge of making truth-clarification fliers and the others would distribute them.

I downloaded tri-fold brochures, stickers, booklets, single pagers, and newsletters from the Minghui website and made as many copies as I could. In each packet, I included a truth-clarification booklet, a tri-fold flier with the newest development of the global pandemic, and the QR code to bypass the CCP’s firewall. To distribute them, two practitioners parked their car on the street near residential communities and waited for people to walk by to hand them the truth-clarification packets. They gave out about 200 packets per day and helped many people quit the Party.

I also partnered with another practitioner to distribute these packets and left them on car windshields. When I have free time during the day, I went out and talked to people in person. We didn’t acknowledge the strict lockdown imposed by the CCP and continued to save people as we should.

When the restrictions were lifted, the local practitioners teamed up to go to the countryside to spread the truth about Dafa. Another practitioner and I worked well together. We sometimes gave out more than 60 packets in just half a day and helped more than 20 people quit the Party. The sentient beings are just waiting to be saved—some asked us for the truth-clarification packets and some even helped us distribute them.

Sentient Beings Are Waiting to Be Saved

Once I saw a group of more than a dozen people buying apricots from a vendor, so I took out some booklets and tried to give them out. When the group hesitated, a mid-aged woman grabbed them from my hand and put one in each person’s hand, “Why don’t you all want such good information? Aren’t you scared of this virus knocking on your door? Take it. Take it. Quit the Young Pioneers.” I seized the opportunity and helped them quit the Party.

Once I was walking down a street and saw a member of the CCP standing in front of his door. I greeted him and handed him a truth-clarification booklet and a copy of The Ultimate Goal Of Communism. He seemed nervous and didn’t take them. I told him, “Don’t be scared. I’ve delivered these to your door. You can use a nickname to quit the Party—this way your privacy is protected. The CCP will soon be held accountable for its crimes. Why don’t you choose safety?” He said, “Blessings delivered right to my door—I will take it! Please help me quit the Party. Thank you.”

Many people were touched after learning the truth and thanked us over and over. One person said to me, “During such chaotic times, only Dafa practitioners are trying to help us.” An elderly person asked me, “Do all practitioners have protective shells? You drove all the way here to give us free books? How much money did it cost?” I told him, “We want to save as many people as possible. If we didn’t drive, we wouldn’t have enough time. It is worth it if you all stay safe during the pandemic.”

After helping each person quit the Party, we reminded them before saying goodbye, “Don’t forget to recite ‘Falun Dafa is good.’ We wish you and your family happiness and safety.” We also clarified the truth to the official on duty at the entrance of each village on our way out. Most of them are Party members but were happy to quit the Party and thanked us repeatedly.

I Am the Luckiest Being of the Universe

My husband is now very supportive of me going to the countryside to spread the truth about Dafa. He’s taken on most house chores including cooking, laundry, and cleaning. He also helps me carry heavy paper stock, fold brochures, and bind booklets. He sometimes even helps deliver them. He likes to buy fruit to offer to Master’s picture and is healthy and happy.

Sometimes in the wee hours of the night, I think to myself, “I don’t have a lot of savings; I don’t have gold or diamond jewelry; I don’t have expensive clothes. When I get tired, I don’t have a shoulder to lean on and have never received any birthday gifts. But what I have is the immense honor of a Falun Dafa practitioner coveted by countless higher beings of the universe. I am a being that Master specifically picked and guided as his disciple. I will one day become the king of my own realm. I am tied to the prosperity of the universe and the countless beings in it are my wealth. The human world is a stage for my cultivation and my family members are here to help me cultivate. They are all beings that I need to save. What more could I ask for?”

As I wrote this article, I looked back on my cultivation journey and feel that I’ve elevated to an even higher level.

I ask that other practitioners kindly point out anything that is inappropriate.