An Understanding of the Attachment to “Self”

(Minghui.org) Cultivating away “self” is hard. Sometimes there are good reasons to insist on “self,” especially when one firmly believes that one is right. But as a Falun Dafa practitioner, whether the matter at hand is right or wrong is not that important. What we should avoid is holding onto and insisting on our own opinion.

I used to think that technical practitioners were overly cautious about computer security and that paying attention to security was a human solution because I believed the real problem was a loophole in one’s xinxing. I later realized that it was my own ignorance about computers and other security knowledge that led me to draw such a conclusion.

A few years ago, when a fellow practitioner’s home was raided, the police seized a piece of paper on which he had written our internal email addresses and passwords. Fortunately I’d already changed the passwords before the raid, so I didn’t suffer any loss.

Later on, I realized that I was being monitored by secret agents. I immediately suspected that it might have to do with other practitioners’ addressing me by my name and revealing too much of my personal information in our emails and phone conversations, which the police might have been monitoring. I was very upset and blamed my fellow practitioners for being selfish and having no regard for my safety.

After several such incidents, I realized that I probably had the same attachment to self and ego. Those practitioners who addressed me by my name and title have been doing things in an upright manner. They are full of righteous thoughts and able to clarify the truth wherever they go. By comparison, I was the one who had complicated thinking, did things in a covert way, and beat around the bush when I talked about things.

Deep down, I was trying to avoid conflicts and protect myself. The attachment to self went so deep that I almost fooled myself.

In my family, the “self” manifested even more prominently. I used the standards of a practitioner to evaluate my non-practitioner wife, thinking she was selfish and narrow-minded and full of human notions and that she lacked wisdom. I also demanded she do things my way, but she seldom listened. We often had conflicts. Sometimes I knew it was my attachment, but I just couldn’t stop arguing with her.

When a police officer came to harass me, my wife confronted him with righteous thoughts. She said that it was wrong for them to harass me and that practicing Falun Gong was simply exercising my freedom of faith.

I realized immediately that I’d misjudged my wife. When she fought with me, I felt she was interfering with my doing the three things. I wasn’t even sure if she could be saved. But at the critical moment when the police came to harass me, she stood with Dafa and was full of righteous thoughts. I was sorry that I had always insisted on having my own way and argued with her about who was right or wrong.

Cultivation is profound and is reflected in everything we do. I admitted to Master that I made a mistake. After that, the “self” became much weaker. I was able to restrain it, aware that it was not my true self.

Editor’s note: This article only represents the author’s understanding in their current cultivation state meant for sharing among practitioners so that we can “Compare in studying, compare in cultivating.” (“Solid Cultivation,” Hong Yin)