Seeing Our Home Environment as a Cultivation Environment

(Minghui.org) Twenty-three years have gone by, which is quite a long time in a person’s life. For me, I went from being a new Falun Dafa practitioner to a mature veteran practitioner.

I would like to share some cultivation experiences in my home environment, and how I elevated my xinxing by changing my mindset based on the Fa.

Correcting My Relationships With Family Members Based on the Fa

The home environment is an important cultivation environment for Falun Dafa practitioners, especially for a retiree like myself. Yet, I was not utilizing this setting to my advantage until two years ago. It was not until then that major changes in that environment began to occur.

From studying the Fa, I understood that in the past, cultivators needed to walk among everyday people in order to let go of human attachments, and reach consummation. While roaming in ordinary society, they encountered people and situations that affected their sentimentality. With a clear mindset toward those ordinary people, cultivators would be able to hold a steady mind, and elevate their xinxing.

Falun Dafa practitioners are cultivating among everyday people. This ordinary society is our cultivation environment, with one’s home being the primary environment. We must have a sober understanding of our relationships with those around us, and keep our xinxing in check. This is how we can eliminate many attachments.

My husband is not a Dafa practitioner. Even though I was a practitioner, I quarreled with him frequently. Was this the correct way for me to treat him? Looking back at our relationship since we were married, even after I had cultivated for years, I always saw him as my property. I took care of him with sentimentality; in return, I expected him to look after me. I often forced my standards on him, wanting to mold him into a kind of model husband in ordinary society. He has a strong personality, however, and wanted to do things his own way. We thus had endless conflicts.

When we confronted each other, I used regular people’s reasoning and logic, pointed out his mistakes, and told him that he was treating me unjustly. While venting my sorrow and anger, I was not seeing myself as a practitioner, nor did I see my husband as one of the sentient beings.

My husband has his own origin of life, his own characteristics, and his own fate. There is nothing about him I can change, nor does he belong to me. It is only that in this lifetime he plays the role of “my husband” on my cultivation path. Basically, our relationship should be defined as a practitioner and an ordinary person, whom I should save.

Seeing this, I felt quite ashamed and sorry for not living up to Master’s teachings. After all these years of cultivation, my enlightenment quality was so poor, and I missed many opportunities that Master arranged for me. I decided I must straighten out my relationship with my husband, and see him as a being to be saved. I tried to let go of many emotions at first, and thought about how I was dependent on him. Thus, I no longer controlled and manipulated him. Regarding his bad habits, I pointed them out kindly without being persistent. Focusing on my xinxing and cultivating myself according to the Fa became my only priority.

After some time of doing this, I noticed that my mentality had changed. I had let go of the sentimentality between husband and wife. As my capacity to be tolerant expanded, I became more relaxed. My husband changed quite a bit as well.

As for my son and daughter-in-law, I also consider them as people to be saved. I do not lecture them nor interfere with their lives. I also do not expect anything from them. When they are in need, I try my best to help. I do not trouble them for things I can do for myself. Of course, it does not mean I am cold to them, but that I interact like people with a generous heart and open mind, just as ordinary people normally would.

Seeing Through What Appears on the Surface

My son and his wife argued a lot, and their quarreling recently escalated. At first, I was afraid and worried to a point that I could not eat or sleep. I tried to understand them and help. I apologized to my daughter-in-law profusely, blaming myself for not bringing up my son properly. I asked my son to correct his bad habits. I gave them money. However, the more I tried to calm the situation, hoping they would get along, the more it affected my daughter-in-law negatively. Neither we nor her parents could live in peace. Her parents acted the opposite compared to us. They were protective of their daughter, and criticized my son. It was an unpleasant situation.

After calming down, I looked at the matter from the angle of a practitioner. Analyzing the chaos at hand based on Master’s Fa teaching, I realized that on the surface, my daughter-in-law has a willful temper. In reality, those involved were just settling karmic debts among themselves. What we owe other people must be repaid. This is the real reason for their issue. My heart brightened up. Looking at Master’s portrait, I said, “Master, I understand now. I will overcome this. Please guide me.”

I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate any interference caused by my son and his wife and pondered how to face this situation.

Master’s teaching came to mind:

“The Fa-rectification moves through the world, the grand manifestation of Gods and Buddhas unfolds, and all of the chaotic world’s unrighted wrongs and karmic relationships are settled with benevolent solutions.” (“Foretelling the Fa’s Rectification of the Human World” from The Essentials of Diligent Progress II)

That’s right, settled with benevolence. I must treasure my predestined relationship with the people in my life by letting go of any selfish thoughts and sentimentality. I became more attentive to my daughter-in-law than before. I reached out to her family. There were no hard feelings or hatred, only compassion and care. As for their marriage, it was up to them. Everyone has his/her fate. Since there is nothing others can control, it would be better to just let them be.

During this process, my heart became bigger and at peace. Furthermore, by following Master’s teaching, we are actually denying the old forces' arrangements. Soon after, my son and his wife got along again.

Learning to Reflect on Myself Regarding Family Affairs

In the past two years, I paid special attention to looking within when there were conflicts in the family. On the surface, they seemed like minor things that were not worth mentioning. However, deep down, they were related to a cultivator’s attachments that needed to be eliminated.

For instance, my husband likes to dye his hair. I advised him not to do this because the chemicals in those products are not good for a person. Irritated, his response was, “I can afford it.” After hearing his reply, I looked within myself. I found my attachments to money and ordinary people’s idea of health.

Another issue was inviting my children’s family over for meals. Sometimes I was reluctant to invite them for dinner because I didn’t want to waste time on everyday people’s matters, so I could spend more time doing the three things. However, I still cooked for them because I worried that my daughter-in-law might get upset. Searching my thoughts, I found that I wasn’t being genuine, which is not aligned with the principle of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. So I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate anything that caused the problem. Since then, whenever I invited them over, it was truly from my heart.

Whenever unhappy thoughts toward my children or the in-laws surfaced, I told myself that such thoughts are not part of me, and they must be suppressed and purged. They are caused by my own karma and must be repaid. Not only did I stop putting blame on other people, I also thanked them for helping me cultivate. When I saw them suffering over fame, money, and sentimentality, I pitied them. They live such a hard life. Meanwhile, I found my attachments to jealousy, fear, and wanting to be repaid for things I do for others.

Master said:

“As you know, when a person reaches the Arhat level, in his heart he is not concerned about anything. He does not care at all in his heart for any ordinary human matter, and he will always be smiling and in good spirits. No matter how much loss he suffers, he will still be smiling and in good spirits without any concern. If you can really do this, you have already reached the entry-level Fruition Status of Arhatship.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)

I am not there yet. However, in the past two years I let go of a lot and am now able to take things lightly. My mind is much more at peace. I know that great compassionate Master helped me eliminate a lot of them.

Thank you, Master! I can only repay Master’s compassion with diligent cultivation.