Getting Rid of My Attachment of Sentimentality to My Daughter

(Minghui.org) My daughter and I always quarreled and fought a lot in the past, and neither of us listened to the other. I’d often think, “I am your mother—you have to listen to me.” With this mindset, our problems got even worse when my grandchild was born, and we would explode in anger as soon as one or the other said something untoward.

When my daughter, son-in-law, and grandchild came over for lunch one day about 8 years ago, I decided to make a chicken stew and pancakes. Despite the hot weather, I was in the kitchen for about two hours and was covered in sweat. After I served the food, my daughter started to complain, “The stew is so tasteless and those pancakes don’t even taste good!” She refused to eat and left the table with my son-in-law. I was surprised to discover that the food was very bland when I tasted it. I thought, “I’m usually a pretty good cook. What happened today? But even though the food tastes bland, you need not comment so negatively.” I had tears in my eyes and was very angry and upset.

It suddenly dawned on me that I was behaving like an ordinary person! Master often enlightened us to look inward when we encountered tribulations. Only then did I realize that, instead of studying the Fa and doing the exercises, all I cared for was cooking for my daughter! Isn’t that a very strong attachment of sentimentality! Thinking back now, I would probably have been overjoyed if they’d praised my cooking, so Master enlightened me through my daughter’s criticism.

Once I understood the reason behind everything, I immediately enlightened! I said, “Yes! I am wrong! It is not your fault. It is all my fault!” My daughter stared at me and did not say a word. She continued cleaning the room as if nothing had ever happened. After she was done cleaning, she came over to me and said calmly, “You know, Mother, you could have just prepared noodles in ten minutes. Those noodles taste very good. You didn’t have to make pancakes in this hot weather. On top of that, you know we like our food a little bit salty, so how will you ever finish that chicken stew all by yourself?”

In reality, both my daughter and son-in-law are very thoughtful. I needed to look at the positive side of things and encourage them more often instead of reprimanding them. Master reminded me through my daughter that I had to cultivate away my sentimentality attachment. I needed to use more time on doing the three things. I realized that the more I cared for my daughter, the more she would rebel. Therefore, not only did I not recognize that I had a sentimentality attachment, but I was also attached to the principles of everyday people. I kept thinking, “I am your mother. You should listen to me regardless of what I do. That is called filial piety.”

Master said,

“That is, you are first a cultivator and then an expert. Then, as a cultivator, you should make use of all feasible conditions to spread Dafa and validate Dafa as a correct and true science, rather than preaching or idealism—this is every cultivator’s obligation.” (“Validation,” Essentials for Further Advancement)

I finally realized that I should first conduct myself as a cultivator, and then as a mother. It is my priority to behave as a cultivator in ordinary society, and I should not be attached to human affairs. Only then will I be able to look at matters from a cultivator’s perspective. Master has arranged for us to cultivate in the big dye vat of human society so we can improve in our cultivation.

I started to be more aware of my sentimentality attachment and enlightened to another principle: Those closest to us have a predestined relationship with us. They have come for the Fa and needed to be saved. They knew that we were to become Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples in this lifetime. Thus, they had high hopes and followed us through many reincarnations to be saved. If our cultivation state is lacking, their knowing side will be disappointed. On the surface, that might take the form of their being ungrateful and upset, no matter how much you’ve sacrificed for them. They did not descend to the world for material benefits. Whether or not we can cultivate back to our true selves directly affects whether they can be saved or not. So of course they will anxious when they see how deluded we are when facing ordinary human sentimentality!

When I enlightened to the above, I started to view human sentimentality more lightly. I need to study the Fa and cultivate myself better in the time remaining so that I can do better at saving sentient beings.

When I changed for the better, my daughter did, too! She became more considerate and respectful. My daughter and son-in-law knew to not ask me to babysit since I don’t have much time during the day. They wouldn’t call for me unless it was absolutely necessary for me to pick up my grandchild from school. They’d also rush to cook for me or arrange to eat out whenever we got together. My son-in-law also went to the bank and got change for 4,000 yuan (about 630 USD) when he saw me printing Falun Dafa information on currency bills. I was truly happy for them!

Nowadays, many children rely on their parents, yet they still complain about life. Not my daughter and my son-in-law. They are both independent and considerate of their elders. I once thought about helping them find better jobs with better pay, but after seeing tribulations occur when other practitioners interfered in their children’s lives, I decided to back away and let everything follow the course of nature. I looked inward, eliminated my attachment, and rectified myself based on the principles of Dafa.

I started to conduct myself as a cultivator whenever I encountered people I cared for. Master protects Falun Dafa practitioners and their relatives, so I should let everything follow the course of nature. I shouldn’t interfere with what Master has arranged for them. My daughter and son-in-law both found ideal jobs. They are compassionate and selfless and would never compete for personal gain. They are making decent salaries, and I needn’t worry about them.