(Minghui.org) I am a Dafa practitioner from Japan. Before practicing Dafa, I was in my 20s and already afflicted with numerous health issues, including hypothyroidism, gynecological problems, and anxiety. To forget my troubles and numb my pain, I indulged in drinking, shopping, and other vices. Sometimes, I quarreled with my husband late into the night. 

While my life was in this mess, my mother reached out to me by giving me the Falun Dafa Book Zhuan Falun, and a ticket to a Shen Yun performance. When I watched the show for the first time, my face was covered with tears. Although I did not remember much about the content of the show, what amazed me was the amount of tears I had shed. 

I was tired but I insisted on reading the book Zhuan Falun. The book answered many of my questions about life, such as human suffering, and the reason for us living on this earth. I remember thinking that I did not want to be reborn again into this world, a world that is filled with suffering. I guess that was the motivation for me to take up cultivation – to transcend the three realms. 

It was the first time I finished the exercises on my own. The next day, my body felt extraordinarily light and I felt weightless when climbing the stairs. I recovered from my chronic constipation. I threw out all my medications and vowed not to go to another hospital. I fell into the state of ‘ding’ when doing the meditation, and for about 15 minutes I felt I was a rocket shooting through the cosmos. 

Guided by Master, I became an honored Dafa practitioner. 

After practicing for a few months and not having really taken to heart how precious this cultivation opportunity was, I became lax in my practice and was taken advantage of by the old forces. Master said, “...cultivators can conform to society to the maximum extent as they cultivate...” (Teachings at the Conference in Houston).

I joined my non-practitioner husband in watching overseas drama series. It became an addiction that was hard to shake. This demon made it difficult for me to concentrate when studying the Fa and even put doubts in my mind about Dafa. For a few weeks, I struggled, but was unable to make a breakthrough. I had a feeling that cultivation was over for me. 

One day, I had a dream where a cliff collapsed and people fell downwards. I looked at it as a sign that my cultivation opportunity was hanging by a thread. At the same time, I started to feel pain in my ovaries and chose to seek treatment as if I was an everyday person. The doctor looked at my x-ray and told me I have been cured. I realized then Master had not abandoned me, so I told myself I really wanted to cultivate again. I was crying in my dream. The next day, the actual pain in my ovaries slowly disappeared. 

My biggest attachment is fear. I always had this overwhelming sense of fear since I was young. Hidden behind this fear was the desire to seek comfort, avoid hardship, and protect myself. To this day, I still have not completely eliminated this fear, although it is very weak. But, it will show up whenever my righteous thoughts are weak. I am always scared of being interfered with by the old forces, and it is as if that is the only motivation for me to do the three things.

I felt I was falling short of what is required of a Fa-rectification Dafa disciple. I was only cultivating because I did not want to make myself a target of the old forces. In comparison, the practitioners in China were risking their lives in an extremely difficult and dangerous situation to save people. I was sad and disappointed in myself for my lack of righteous thoughts.

I decided the only way for me to break through this apathy was to memorize the Fa. Once I set my mind to it, I felt a vibration in my brain when I opened Zhuan Falun. It might have been the karma that was shaking for fear of being eliminated. 

My method of memorizing the book was to do it section by section, with each section delineated by a sub-heading. I would not move onto the next section until I was able to recall the given section in its entirety. Still, it was not easy to join the paragraphs together. 

Because I was still doing it for the wrong reason – I was doing it for the purpose of eliminating my fear rather than a genuine desire to assimilate myself to the Fa – I soon gave up when my role in a Dafa project demanded more of my time. 

In March this year, I discussed my experience with a fellow practitioner. She told me it’s best to start by memorizing a paragraph at a time, word by word and it was also very important to persevere. 

So this time around, I took my time in committing every word to memory, down to the microscopic levels of my being. The result was amazing. I felt the energy running through my body while doing it, and my understanding of the Fa deepened. 

Now I am used to repeating and practicing the Fa in my head while I walk, commute or do my house chores. Sometimes it can still take a long time and many repetitions to get the whole paragraph right, and despair may set in, but I always try to suppress the urge to get anxious or to rush through it. 

Master said,

“ I have told you before that behind each word lie Buddhas, Daos, and Gods, tier after tier. Nor can you grasp what it meant when Master said that everything has been compressed into the book of Fa, for at this time you cannot, with your human thoughts, fathom that sentence. Everything can be gained there; it all depends on how much you put your heart into it and what your state of mind is.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. IX)

Cultivation is about cultivating oneself. You have to cultivate with your heart and cultivate your {{xinxing} in accordance with the standards of the Fa, only then will your heart and mind be open to the profound meanings of the Fa. 

Before memorizing the Fa, doing Fa-study used to be like a chore, and I struggled often with distracting thoughts and drowsiness. Now, Fa-study is such a joyful occasion – I feel this energy around me and have a new appreciation for the profoundness of the Fa, and how precious it is. Time spent memorizing the Fa is undoubtedly my happiest time.

Initially, I hesitated about writing this sharing article. I felt I had nothing much worth sharing judging from the sharing articles I have read. But as I started writing, I realized the process of writing in itself is also cultivation. 

I caught glimpses of the desire to validate myself and to express myself in flowery language. After clearing out these human notions by sending righteous thoughts, I made every endeavor to write with a pure mind. I’ve also learned to appreciate much more the solemn nature of Dafa after this writing experience. 

Looking back at my cultivation over the last few years, I know Master has always been there, looking over me, and encouraging me. I still have a lot of attachments to let go, and many tests to pass. I will treasure the cultivation environment of group Fa- study and exercises provided to us by Master, and the extra time given to cultivate diligently. 

I will leave you with a quote from Master,

“For what was it that your life journeyed through history to this day? For just one, brief moment. In the long river of time, this stretch is really but a moment. Don’t be so passive and down—get going! You are a cultivator. Sentient beings are waiting for you to save them!” (“Fa Teaching on World Falun Dafa Day”)

Chinese version available

Category: Improving Oneself