How I Understand Resentment and a Restless Mind

(Minghui.org) I would like to share with practitioners my understanding of feeling resentment and having a restless mind.

Resentment

I feel that my resentment is easy to detect but hard to get rid of. I often feel angry and resentful. From time to time, my mind is flooded with resentment that was triggered by past events. I even want to take revenge when I feel that way.

When resentment comes up, I feel very uncomfortable. I have tried to remove it for many years, but haven't succeeded yet. I know it is an attachment that I must take seriously. Some practitioners have even passed away because of resentment.

The basis of the attachment of resentment is a substance formed by sentimentality, that as practitioners, we must get rid of.

How does it get on us? It originates from one’s selfish thoughts. People safeguard their notions and then resent whoever touches those notions. These notions are tied to all kinds of attachments. It could be attachments to fame, self-interest, sentimentality, etc.

When you can’t stop resentful thinking, you are protecting a notion. I often hated the people who bullied me in the past. When someone bullies me now, I become angry, and feel that past hatred. In this way, I am not allowing people to do bad things to me.

Master said,

“For starters, a practitioner should be able to hold back from retaliating, and patiently endure. Anyone who succumbs to retaliating could hardly be called a practitioner.” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun) 

I have been cultivating for many years, but still cannot prevent myself from feeling resentful.

Why can’t I do that? It's because I don’t want to tolerate whatever is happening. When people bully me, I get angry, thinking, “I can’t take this even though I’m a cultivator.”

Recently, when I encountered this kind of trouble, I remembered what Master said: 

“Zhen, Shan, Ren is the Fa!” (“Beyond the Limits of Forbearance,” Essentials for Further Advancement II) 

I suddenly realized that after all these years of practice, I never fully believed that Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is the Law. Although I studied the Fa every day, I didn't follow it strictly as the law in my heart. I followed traffic laws, but I didn't abide by Dafa, the universal law.

Realizing this, I crossed my heart: Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is the great law of the universe, and I must strictly require that I comply with it. I must be tolerant in a conflict, no matter who is right or wrong. Being intolerant is going against the universal law; losing virtue, and gaining karma.

I told myself I should not care who is right or wrong in a conflict. Just focus on abiding by the law. 

In the past, I always focused on others’ faults. The more I judged people that way, the angrier I became, and the more disagreeable they became. I have changed. I feel pity for people, despite their faults, since they are lost in this deluded human world.

Finally, the mountain of resentment is underfoot.

Restless Mind

Sometimes I can’t calm down because my attachments are very strong, or I am encountering a difficult problem. That is understandable. But sometimes, even when nothing is going on, I can’t calm down to absorb the Fa while reading Dafa books. 

Why can’t I quiet down? One reason is my attachment to complacency. My mind likes to flit around. So my reading of the Fa is like looking at the flowers while riding by on horseback. I glance over the book hurriedly but don’t absorb anything.

I asked myself two questions.

First, have I become a God or a Buddha yet? The answer is no. Then how can I think I am good at cultivation?

Second, do I still feel angry when encountering things that irritate me? Yes. I am still angry. A good practitioner should have inner peace and not become enraged. Why do I think I am doing well in cultivation when my behavior shows I am doing poorly?

The sound of beating wooden fish (a Buddhist percussion instrument) in the meditation music is actually knocking on my foolish head.