(Minghui.org) I was very timid since childhood. Even after I began Falun Dafa cultivation, I still had a strong attachment of fear, especially after the persecution began. I had been cultivating with trepidation for several years when the persecution was most severe. I then became depressed and didn’t do well for nearly 10 years because I still hadn’t eliminated fear and had many bad notions. 

When I read news about the persecution in China on the Minghui website, the more I read, the more I feared, feeling that I could be persecuted at anytime. I even resisted attending the group Fa study. 

Then I made breakthroughs in three aspects of my cultivation.

I Resumed Memorizing the Fa

This was the most important breakthrough. I have been cultivating for over 20 years, but still had not fully memorized Zhuan FalunI had only memorized the first three lectures years ago. At that time, I saw my older sister study the Fa by reciting it. Because I couldn’t catch up with her, I generated jealousy and simply stopped trying. 

I later recalled that I broke out of the forced labor camp through reciting the Fa and going on a hunger strike. I experienced indescribable joy afterward. So I let go of my jealousy and resumed memorizing and reciting the Fa. 

Although there were times when I couldn’t memorize even one paragraph in a day, I still kept at it and took every opportunity to memorize the Fa, sentence by sentence. Since then, I have changed greatly: my mind has become more peaceful and composed, and my main consciousness has become stronger. I now feel indescribable joy again!

A Breakthrough in Sending Righteous Thoughts 

I used to often feel sleepy when I sent righteous thoughts. Even when I wasn't sleepy, I sent forth righteous thoughts as if I were doing something passively. I never felt that my energy was strong. But by reciting the Fa attentively, my poor cultivation state was fundamentally broken through. I can now effectively chase down the evil factors and eliminate them with my righteous thoughts. I often feel as if I'm an energy ball, or a fixed star, or even a universe which is so big that it is immeasurable. I believe my righteous thoughts can split mountains and can reach wherever I want them to go. 

I Carefully Read the Nine Commentaries... One More Time

I read the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party over 10 times after it was first published. Then I didn't read it again; I just occasionally listened to parts of the audio version, with the excuse that I had no time. 

I recently found a copy of the Nine Commentaries booklet. At that time, I felt that my attachment of fear was recurring due to the aggravated persecution. Then I thought I should take this opportunity to calm down and read the Nine Commentaries again. I planned to read one chapter per day, but actually finished it in less than five days. I even could recite the table of contents. 

When I was reading, I realized how the Chinese Communist Party's (CCP) culture manifested in myself: I saw the formation process of my attachment of fear, and I saw the mentalities of the people around me after they were brainwashed by the CCP. Moreover, I let go of resentment towards those family members and relatives who betrayed me during the persecution; I felt deep mercy and empathy for them instead. 

My perspective about reading persecution news on Minghui.org has totally changed now. What I saw before was the rampage of evilness, and the horrors of the persecution. What I see now is the dying out of evil factors, the resolution of Dafa disciples, and the manifestation of Dafa disciples' righteous thoughts in perishing the evil. 

Chinese version available

Category: Improving Oneself