(Minghui.org) My company closed down last year. Several shareholders and I decided to re-allocate the client base and open our own individual businesses.
I have never fought with others for personal interests before, even when I was treated unfairly, so I thought I had no attachments to material gain. However, during the client base reallocation, I discovered my hidden attachments to ego, as well as loss and gain.
The process of dividing the clients with other shareholders was a test for me. We are in a client-driven business, and the client base directly determines our income ,so all the other shareholders did whatever it took to get good clients. I remained calm on the surface. But in my heart, jealousy and resentment surfaced when other shareholders took my clients.
I rented an office near my old company and started my own business. I was surprised to find two other shareholders’ new offices were located near mine. So every day I could see how many people went to their offices. My spirit fluctuated with how many clients they had. I was disturbed by the attachment to personal gain and could not even focus when I studied the Fa.
I realized that this mindset was not correct. Later, when I saw clients pass my office and go to my competitors’ offices, I recited Master’s poem:
“...Looking, but caring not to see---Free of delusion and doubt.Listening, but caring not to hear---A mind so hard to disturb....”(“Abiding in the Dao,” Hong Yin)
I gradually calmed down, and my heart was no longer moved by how many clients my competitors had. I thought I had completely let go of the attachment to personal gain. However, this was not the case.
“As long as you have them, all of those attachments must be removed in different environments.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
Master also said,
“I can tell you that money is the biggest obstacle for a cultivator.” (“Fa Teaching Given in New York City,” Fa Teachings in the United States)
A few months later, I received phone calls from two of my biggest clients. They wanted to leave. The first call didn’t affect me that much, but the second call stirred my heart.
I could not sleep that night. I tossed and turned until after 1:00 a.m. I wanted to stop thinking about it, so I got up to do the exercises. However, I could not focus on the movements. I asked myself, “Are you still a practitioner? You have been practicing for more than twenty years, and now you are driven by loss and gain to the point that you cannot sleep. Don’t you feel ashamed? Are you a genuine practitioner?”
I also asked myself if my heart would be moved if this client left my old company when I was just an employee. I knew it wouldn’t. So why couldn’t I let it go now? I was running my own business, and losing a client meant less income. Wasn’t this a strong attachment to material gain? In addition, although losing two big clients significantly affected my revenue, it wouldn’t cause my business to close down. When I was clear about this, I repeatedly told myself, “If you want to cultivate, if you want to be a true disciple, you must let go of this attachment to profit.” In this way, I kept strengthening my righteous thoughts and gradually calmed down.
The following month, another big client decided to leave. This time I was able to face it calmly. It didn’t cause any fluctuations in my mind, and I was no longer anxious.
“If, by contrast, you let all of that go, you will feel very much at ease even if you are poor. In reality, you won’t become poor on account of learning Dafa. I do think, though, that living happily is better than being attached like that.” (“Lecture at the First Conference in North America”)
After I let go of my attachment to loss and gain, everything changed. New clients started to come. Although the new clients haven’t brought in as much revenue as the clients that left, my business was growing.
I realized that some attachments were deeply hidden, so we need to pay attention to every thought, uncover those hidden human notions and let go of them.
Recently, I read some news about my industry that might affect my business in the future. I became anxious and wondered if I should explore a new business. I was in a bad mood and could not concentrate when I studied the Fa. I could not stop thinking about what I should do if the news I read affected my industry in the future.
I was still worried the following day. I asked myself why I was so afraid and worried. Was it because I was afraid of losing clients? Was it because I was afraid of losing money? Wasn’t it the attachment to personal gain? Even if I really had to close my business in the future, couldn’t I find another job? Wasn’t my attachment to comfort exposed when I was afraid of losing my job?”
I continued to look inward to uncover my hidden notions. I told myself again, “In the worst case, even if I have to close my business, and even if I can’t find a new job in the future, it won’t have a big impact on my life. Then why was I bothered by the news? It’s because I not only have the attachment to loss and gain but I also haven’t eliminated my ego. If I have no job, I’m afraid it would cause me to lose face.”
“As a practitioner, your path of life will be changed from now on. My fashen will rearrange it for you.” (Lecture Three, Zhuan Falun)
I also realized that I was trying to arrange my own life instead of following Master’s arrangement.
I was stirred by news that may not impact my business at all. If I truly believed in Master and the Fa, then I should firmly believe that Master is watching over me and has arranged my life. I just need to let nature take its course and not try to arrange or plan my own future.
After I realized this, I calmed down. Now, I no longer care how much I earn. I keep a kind and peaceful mindset at work and focus on cultivating myself.
Eliminating My Attachment to Sentimentality
I had always been fond of literature since I was a small child. I read novels and loved watching movies and TV. The stories I read and watched formed a lot of thought karma in my head. When I attended university, I started to read e-novels and watch videos on the Internet. Whenever I wanted to take a break or relax, I browsed the Internet to read novels or watch videos online. In fact, this idea of “relaxing” was a human notion and should be removed, but I didn’t realize it until recently.
I grew attached to the plot lines and characters in the stories. I knew this was an attachment that interfered with my cultivation. I also knew I had to eliminate this attachment, but I was never really able to. I always relapsed after doing well for a period of time. I felt very frustrated because I was never really able to truly eliminate this attachment.
When I meditated, I sometimes got sleepy and had difficulty staying awake after browsing the Internet. Master enlightened me many times that I should not watch videos anymore. Sometimes I dreamed I was in a filthy bathroom. I also looked inward and sent forth righteous thoughts, but I didn’t get to the root of my attachment. One day, I dreamed that I was sliding downward violently. When I woke up, I knew the problem was serious and that I had to really look inward, find the root of the attachment, and get rid of it.
I asked myself, “Why do I want to read novels? Why did I lament the fates of the characters in the story? What was I seeking when I watched videos? Was it the attachment to lust? What is the hidden attachment behind lust? It was qing (emotion or sentimentality)! Qing drove me to watch movies and read novels.”
On the surface, it seems I had no issues regarding lust because I was still single. But deep in my mind, I had a desire for “love” among ordinary people. I watched all kinds of romantic movies and imagined romantic love to satisfy my desire for love.
I understood why it was hard for me to remove my attachment to reading novels and watching moves—it was because I hadn’t removed my root attachment to qing.
After I found this fundamental attachment, I sent forth righteous thoughts to get rid of it and strengthen my main consciousness. At the same time, I also watched my behavior and restrained myself from surfing the Internet. I recorded the time that I browsed the Internet and checked the record every day. Sometimes I did well, and sometimes I failed.
One day I asked myself, “If the Fa-rectification ends tomorrow, would you still read those novels?” At that moment, I suddenly felt this attachment go away. I no longer felt the urge to browse the Internet, read novels, etc. I knew that Master saw that I really wanted to get rid of this attachment and helped me.
That night, I dreamed of Master, and Master smiled at me. Thank you, Master!
Memorizing the Fa
I always wanted to memorize Zhuan Falun. Although I made several attempts, I was unable to continue when I got to the second lecture.
I made up my mind to memorize the Fa again last year, but it was challenging. I’m busy all day, so it was hard to find time to recite the Fa. In addition, I was also interfered with by thought karma, which prevented me from memorizing the book. Especially at the beginning, I was so disturbed that I couldn’t even remain seated when I memorized the Fa. A thought always appeared in my mind and said, “How slow this is. Can you finish memorizing the Fa this way? Just read through it and stop memorizing.” Each time, I eliminated this thought and continued to memorize.
I couldn’t memorize one paragraph accurately no matter how hard I tried. I then created a Word document on the computer, typed out the words while memorizing, checked against the book, and marked the wrong words in red, including the punctuation marks. I continued to memorize and type until I remembered the paragraph correctly, and then I moved to the next paragraph. It was very time-consuming, but it worked well.
Although my progress is still slow, I will definitely keep going and memorize the Fa.
I have practiced Falun Dafa for more than 20 years—since I was a child. Under Master’s protection, I have made it to today in cultivation. In the remaining time I will try my best to remove my attachments and cultivate diligently.
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