(Minghui.org) I have never wavered in my faith in Master and Dafa during the past twenty-plus years I've cultivated. When I talked to people about Falun Dafa and the persecution several years ago, my heart was pure, my righteous thoughts strong, and I did it selflessly.
I spoke with calmness and helped people withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliated organizations. They were thankful and respectful towards Dafa. Of course, it was Dafa’s power and Master’s help that made the process so effortless.
Later, and I can’t remember when it began, things did not go as smoothly. I started to treat truth clarification as if it was a product that I was pushing onto others.
I had a strong sense of purpose and anxiously wanted people to accept what I said. My attachment to success was obvious.
I would keep talking, as if I were completing a task. I only wanted to sell my point of view and knowledge, and ignored the other person's feelings.
Because I was in a hurry, my words lacked the power of the Fa and could not touch people’s hearts and awaken them. My efforts were futile, and I was tired.
I was not at ease and I felt as though I was working through a fog for a long time.
When practitioners tell people about Falun Dafa, we hope to awaken them. But I did it with strong attachments and anxiousness; wanting to see results or to show off. I harbored self-interest and zealotry. I also treated different people differently and my heart was easily moved.
I had very strong attachment to reputation and was often affected by emotion. I felt successful and happy when someone renounced the Party. But when people refused to listen or said unpleasant things, I became frustrated and was upset. My self-esteem was deflated, and I thought I was a failure. I would feel awful for a long time. These were signs of being attached to ego (self).
I treated truth clarification as if I was doing something for myself. I was being selfish and I was not doing it for others. Without realizing it I was validating myself.
Ego is a form of the self. One can guess the outcome of truth clarification if it's done with selfishness. It does not have the power of Dafa and Master’s help.
I finally realized my problem today. I immediately rectified my thoughts and identified my attachments so that I could eliminate them, including my ego. I wanted to awaken people with a pure heart.
I felt much better after I discovered my attachments; the fog that surrounded me dissipated, and I knew how to talk to others. Master got rid of the undesirable substances. I’m grateful for His protection!
As soon as we recognize our shortcomings, we should take the initiative to rectify ourselves, purify our hearts, raise our levels, and do the three things well.
Master said,
“...you should consider others first, so as to attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism.” (“Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature,” Essentials For Further Advancement)
Talking to people about Falun Dafa is a selfless act, something we do for others.
I will follow Master’s teachings, study the Fa more, assimilate to Dafa, and continue to improve myself. I will clarify the truth with rationality and wisdom to truly awaken people.
This is my current understanding. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
Category: Improving Oneself
