Letting Go of Resentment and Human Notions
(Minghui.org) I operate a store in Long Island, New York, in an area where people are honest and straightforward. Although the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) virus pandemic is severe in New York City, many customers still come to my store to buy ice cream and cakes to celebrate birthdays. I have the impression that many customers don’t care about the pandemic.
I still pay my rent, taxes, and insurance. Most of my employees don’t come to work anymore, so I am very busy every day. Fortunately, my violin teacher is also a practitioner, and he and my mother help me when it gets busy.
The four of us now do the work that it took 10 people to do in the past. It is quite difficult. My mother’s life used to be very peaceful, with no pressure. Now she has to work hard and is on the road for an hour and a half. She wants me to sell the store as soon as possible. She’s complained a lot about it, which made me worry.
Two weeks ago, my mother said something that hurt my feelings and really upset me. She thought that I was unfair and wanted to move out and go live with her friend. When a fellow practitioner advised me to tell my mother not to move out, I said, “She added salt to the wound—why doesn’t she apologize to me? I have improved a lot and no longer tell her she’s stupid. I will never bow to her.”
We were both angry at each other.
During my Fa study over the next two days, Master gave me a hint,
“...they always compare themselves with humans and with their own past, but fail to examine themselves with the requirements of the Fa at different levels.” (“A Dialogue with Time,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
Master's words hit me like a brick, and I let go of my attachment. I said to my mother, “Mom, we shouldn’t resent each other. I only feel that I have been hurt, but I do not feel any resentment. Please don’t move out. I won’t lose my temper anymore.”
My mother responded, “You are very optimistic, humorous, and loyal, and never ask for compensation no matter how much you contribute. You work hard but don’t eat much. It was so easy to raise you. Your only problem is that you don’t let anyone criticize you.”
Mother once again forgave me, and it seemed that nothing had happened between us. The next day, she prepared my favorite dish of boiled green vegetables. I decided that, from now on, whenever someone treats me unfairly I will view it as a xinxing test. I need to let go of any attachment.
My parents didn't value daughters, so I was eager to make good and always wanted to be the best in everything. I pursued profit and fame but my father didn't seem to notice my accomplishments. Then, I especially wanted to be valued by my husband. His betrayal made me very resentful.
As we cultivate, we demonstrate Buddha nature and demon nature. When demon nature appears, human sentiments will play a role, including the emotion of grievance. It is because of sentiment I feel hurt and am sad about it. If mercy replaces sentiment, how can I feel sad? When Buddha nature appears, there is no resentment.
“An enlightened person has no attachments at all. He quietly observes the people of the world deluded by illusions.”(“Realms,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
At the same time, I also realized that jealousy and resentment are a substance.
“When a person harbors resentment it’s because he has grown fond of hearing pleasant things and having things go well. And then when things don't go that way, he resents it. You can’t be like that, if you think about it. You can’t go about cultivation that way, can you? I have always taught that a practitioner should look at things in the opposite way of how people normally do. When things go badly for you, you should see it as good, and understand that it’s meant to help you rise higher. [You should think,] “I’ve got to handle it well. This is a test for me to cultivate through, another test.” And when things go well for you, you should remind yourself, “I can’t get too happy. When all is well, I can’t improve and can easily slide downward.” So to cultivate you have to look at things in reverse. But if you always push away and reject the difficulties and unpleasant things that come your way, then you are refusing to cultivate through your tests and turning down chances to make progress, aren’t you?” (“2018 Fa Teaching Given in Washington, D.C.”)
Through diligent Fa study, I can melt into the Fa and let go of any resentment. That is when I realized a human notion – to pursue a warm and comfortable family.