Discarding the Attachment of Pursuit
(Minghui.org) I have not been in a good cultivation state for several years, stuck in personal cultivation. In order to catch up with Fa-rectification and to avoid detours, I have been reading articles on the Minghui website every day.
Many practitioners have shared their experiences of car accidents or disasters, where they or their relatives stayed safe due to Master’s protection. Some practitioners also shared that they recovered quickly from severe physical injuries or serious illnesses by strengthening their cultivation and improving their character. When some practitioners were trapped in predicaments in life or work, they turned the situation around by persistently reading the Fa and looking inside for the cause.
Finding My Pursuit Mentality
After reading a lot of articles, I formed a habit of looking inside whenever I ran into trouble. I expected that the trouble would be resolved as soon as I found and discarded my attachment and improved my character. However, the problem often did not go away after I thought I had found my attachment, or sent righteous thoughts to eliminate it.
About half a year ago, I broke my leg. I kept looking inside while lying in the hospital. I found I had a lot of attachments, such as showing off, lust, fame, personal interest, hatred, jealousy, competitive mentality, impatience, fear and so on. I kept searching for attachments, sending righteous thoughts to eliminate them, then checking my leg for improvement.
I felt that something was not right, but could not find what it was. I calmed down and took a closer look. I realized that my reading the Fa and looking inside were done with a strong hidden attachment – pursuit. I was focused on solving my immediate problem, or asking Master to prevent my physical pain.
After I found this hidden attachment, a thought I had 21 years ago reappeared in my mind. In Lecture 3 of Zhuan Falun, Master talks about practitioners experiencing life-threatening situations but staying safe. I thought that if I could get hit by a car, a big chunk of my karma would be eliminated. I believed that I would not get hurt because I had Master’s protection.
My thought at that time came from my strong mentality of pursuit. It gradually faded from my memory over the years. However, the old forces did not forget about my thought, which I felt was the reason for my leg injury.
Pursuit of Healing
I was born weak and suffered a lot of illnesses when I was young. At 16, I had neurasthenia and could not sleep well. I was always tired. When I was 19, I ate fried noodles for lunch at a restaurant for a month with my classmates. They had no problem but I suffered acute diarrhea, which then turned into chronic enteritis. I could not enjoy watermelon, popsicles or cold drinks for several years. If I had dishes cooked with a lot of oil, I would immediately have diarrhea.
Eating well and sleeping well are the basic elements of good health. However, they were a dream for me in my youth. I developed a strong desire to get rid of my illnesses. I ran, studied Chinese medicine, practiced Tai Chi and fake qigong, but they did not help me.
While casually walking down the street with a few friends in November 1998, I saw some pictures introducing Falun Dafa. Since I had tried several qigong practices before but achieved no physical improvement, I was not interested. I only casually glanced at the pictures.
However, a statement caught my attention: As long as a practitioner keeps improving his character, his gong keeps growing. I thought, “As long as one improves character he will grow his gong. If one’s gong grows, one’s illness will go away. I am a good person and don’t do bad things. This qigong looks easy for me to practice.”
I borrowed the book Zhuan Falun, and started cultivating Falun Dafa. Although I had a strong desire to develop gong for healing, my physical condition kept improving.
Pursuing More After the Onset of the Persecution
The Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started persecuting Falun Dafa on July 20, 1999. Many practitioners stepped forward to validate Dafa. Some were arrested and imprisoned. Some practitioners said that a prison was a temple in another dimension, and one could discard attachments, and grow gong quickly there. The sayings affected me and filled my head with the thought of going to prison to grow gong quickly. I did not think carefully about whether the sayings were true.
My attachment to growing gong quickly to reach consummation got stronger. In late 2000, I was arrested and taken to a detention center. I was detained for nearly 20 days, fined 5,000 yuan, and fired from my job. Later, through reading Master’s lectures, I came to understand that prison was a place where the evil persecuted Falun Gong practitioners. Only then did I understand that the persecution I experienced was due to my mentality of pursuit.
A local practitioner was arrested and taken to a brainwashing center in 2013. Upon hearing about the arrest, my wife said to me, “Be careful. They may also take you there.” I did not pay much attention to her words and said, “So what!” Three months later, I was taken there. I was confused as to why I was arrested; the guards did not show any substantial evidence for my arrest. I did not realize it was due to my mentality of pursuit.
Truly Cultivating and Eliminating Pursuit
Looking back, I can see that the mentality of pursuit interfered with my cultivation for years. Every major tribulation I experienced was related to it. I pursued healing, growing gong, elevating my level, self-validation, power, and consummation. I did not realize I had such a strong mentality of pursuit.
Master talks about pursuit in Lecture 2 of Zhuan Falun and I had read it many times. However, I still was not able to identify and eliminate my mentality of pursuit. I realized I must pay attention to studying the Fa with a peaceful mind and truly cultivate. I must conduct all of my thoughts and deeds according to the Fa.
Fa-rectification is coming to an end. I must diligently cultivate myself, discard my attachments, reject all interference, and save lives.