China Fahui | Letting Go of Humanness Amidst Trivial Issues
(Minghui.org) Greetings Master, and fellow practitioners!
I have experienced many tribulations on my cultivation path, because I treated Fa study as formality. I was eager to pass the trials, yet I wasn’t strict with myself. I thus missed many opportunities to improve my xinxing.
“So it’s usually the case that people with weaker faith have to endure more, since it bespeaks of having more karma. And so spiritual practice is much harder for them.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
Competing With Others
My son met a woman and married her in less than three months. The woman and her mother seemed fastidious. and difficult to get along with. The mother moved into my son’s house after the wedding, and the wife gave birth to a baby girl the same year. I tried to be considerate of their needs, and offered my help whenever they asked.
I suggested to my son on Chinese New Year's Eve, “Your wife gave birth a few weeks ago, so lets’ get together for some dumplings. I’ll prepare the ingredients and bring them to your house on New Year’s Day, and we can make the dumplings there.” My son liked the idea.
I showed up on New Year’s Day and gave my granddaughter money as a new year present. I thought my daughter-in-law would be happy, but she looked upset instead. I felt awkward and went home after the meal. I felt wretched, wronged, humiliated, and angry. I was jealous that the mother-in-law was living with my son. Those emotions made me feel miserable.
Before I became a practitioner, being well thought of was very important to me, and I did not like to lose face. I wanted to be respected and praised.
My daughter-in-law called me when I was studying the Fa one afternoon. She didn’t sound right and wanted me to come to her home. Because she was often displeased with me, I reminded myself to maintain my composure under all circumstances. Yet, I held fear in my heart.
As soon as I entered the house, I saw my daughter-in-law and her mother standing in the living room, full of anger. They didn’t seem to notice me, and were screaming at my son, who was sitting on the bed. I tried to calm them down, but they continued to scream with hand gestures. My son apologized to the mother-in-law twice, but she just ignored him.
My son noticed that I was embarrassed, so he told me to leave. I then saw my son’s arm, with streaks of red marks. His facial expression made me feel sorry for him. So I held my granddaughter and went downstairs. I waited for some time, but they continued to quarrel, so I went back upstairs.
My demon nature emerged as soon as I saw their overbearing attitudes. I pushed the child onto my daughter-in-law and shouted at both of them, “Why did you ask me to come? Is it so that I can see both of you acting like this?” I turned to my son and shouted, “You’re good-for-nothing! What are you doing here? You should go make some money, and don’t return until you’ve done so. Come home with me now!” The two women shut their mouths and did not respond. I guess they didn’t expect me to get so angry.
My son was quite obedient and walked me to the front door. I didn’t know how to open the door, and he opened it for me. I slammed the door and left with my son.
He drove the car, and I followed him on my bicycle. The bicycle felt very heavy. I regretted that I had lost control and gotten so upset at the two women. On my way home, my human side wrestled intensely with my divine side. The more I thought about what happened, the more I thought I was wrong.
“As a practitioner, the first thing you should be able to do is to not fight back when you are beaten or sworn at—you must be tolerant.” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I was ashamed that after many years of cultivation I could not even fulfill the basic requirements. I had let Master down. Whenever we are in conflict with ordinary people, it is guaranteed that the practitioner is at fault.
The more I thought about my behavior, the more I regretted it. I was afraid that things could get worse, and I wanted to avoid further damage. I told my son to go back to his wife as soon as we arrived home. Coincidentally, a relative phoned my son and told him that his wife was crying.
I tried to study the Fa after my son left, but I could not concentrate. My mind was filled with the two women’s absurd images. I could not sleep at all that night. I felt remorseful and ashamed, but I just could not raise myself to the next level. I knew that I had to let go of my “having things my way and not getting the short end of the stick.”
“Whether you can cultivate all depends upon whether you can endure, sacrifice, and suffer. If you can commit your mind, no difficulties can stop you. I would say that there’s no problem.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
Only Falun Dafa can transform a competitive person like myself, and I was able to change myself afterward.
I was faced with another test after quite some time. My daughter-in-law had opened a clothing store, and had to get a shipment from out of town. Since she did not phone me to ask that I watch after her child, I left home to distribute Falun Dafa informational materials.
When I returned home, I saw the two women standing in front of my house. I greeted them, and my daughter-in-law yelled, “Why do you even bother to buy a mobile phone if you don’t take it with you? Don’t you know that I have to tend the store today?”
She shoved the child onto me and was about to leave. I asked why she didn’t notify me ahead of time, and the mother-in-law said that they should have done that. They left, and I carried the child upstairs. I felt disrespected and weak. I didn’t like being criticized.
It dawned on me that I was still holding onto my reputation. I used to think that my reputation was more important than my life. Such a strong attachment! I knew I had to work hard to eliminate it. It might have been easier to take lightly how others labeled me, but why was it so hard when it came to my daughter-in-law?
It is a practitioner’s responsibility to show that Falun Dafa is a good practice. But we can’t just talk about it, we must convince others with our behavior.
Besides reading Dafa books with other practitioners, I have been memorizing the Fa since last year, so I can recite it quickly now. Memorizing the Fa makes me calmer and I feel more grounded. Whenever I encounter problems, I can remember the Fa immediately and improve more quickly.
Dafa can transform a selfish and unkind person like myself into someone who puts others first. I was tested a few times when handling issues related to my grandson. I noticed that I was kinder, and knew how to deal with problems based on the Fa principles without being moved by human factors.
My grandson was breast fed before turning one-year-old. My daughter-in-law planned to go out of town, and wanted me to take care of the child. I wondered how I would feed the baby, and my daughter-in-law told me to use milk powder. I didn’t think much of it since it was only going to be a few days.
When my daughter-in-law returned from the trip, she wanted to leave the baby with me so that he could be weaned off breast milk.
I mentioned it to other practitioners after Fa study. They thought the child was too young to quit breast milk, and taking care of the baby meant I would have less time for other things.
When my daughter-in-law picked up the baby in the evening, I told her that the baby may be too young to quit breast milk. She disagreed with me and wanted me to pick up the baby the next evening.
She later posted a message to me on WeChat, “Looks like I’m going to have to take care of the baby. I know what you (referring to me) mean.” She added an emoticon and a sentence, “You make it sound so nice, but you really don’t mean it.”
My daughter reminded me that I was a practitioner and that I should know what to do.
“Think about it, everyone: Living to prove one’s point or to save face—isn’t it tiring? Isn’t it painful? Is it worthwhile?” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I said to my daughter, “No big deal. I won’t be moved by her words. I will pick up the baby tomorrow. It’s time for me to improve my xinxing.”
I went to my son’s place the next day, and greeted them. My daughter-in-law seemed embarrassed. She probably didn’t think I would be so calm. I picked up the baby and left.
I felt at ease at the time, and the overbearing substance was gone. I think I truly elevated myself on this issue, and I didn’t look at the situation with human notions.
“Then, when you run into a problem, you will be able to do well because it gives you some room as a buffer. You should always be benevolent and kind to others and consider others when doing anything. Whenever you encounter a problem, you should first consider whether others can put up with this matter or if it will hurt anyone.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
Under the guidance of Dafa, I was able to forbear, no matter how demanding my daughter-in-law was.
For example, when she came to my house she would say things like, “Why does the baby smell so bad?” “The towel smells weird” when she used my bathroom. “The bottle's nipple is black, you should clean it this way” after checking the baby bottle. “The quilt is dirty again” even though it wasn’t.
I knew those words were said to help me eliminate my attachments to self-esteem and “not wanting to hear criticism.” I used to dislike hearing criticism, but I can now take all kinds of criticism from anyone.
There Is Light at the End of the Tunnel
As my temperament improves, my daughter-in-law is gradually changing too. She does not pick on me and is now more mindful of others. She said to my daughter, “It has not been easy for your mother, we should be more considerate of her.”
She had my son send my daughter a monthly living expense of 1,500 yuan for college. She also paid for my daughter's driving school tuition this summer.
I have talked to my daughter-in-law about Falun Dafa and the persecution many times, and she has quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its youth organizations.
She trusts me with her children too. My granddaughter, who is attending kindergarten, told her, “I miss grandma. She is patient and you are not.”
Although my granddaughter does not recognize all the Chinese characters in Zhuan Falun, she asks me to read this Dafa Book with her. She also likes to do the exercises with me when she visits.
My two-year-old grandson often puts delicious dishes on the table for Master, and bows with respect. When he sees Master’s photos at a practitioner’s home, he respectfully greets Master.
When practitioners do things, it is our powerful energy taking effect. As long as we put Dafa before everything, things will fall into place.
Doing the Three Things
I start the day with the exercises, I send forth righteous thoughts at 6:00 a.m., and then recite Zhuan Falun for an hour. I distribute Falun Dafa materials after that. I recite the Fa and send righteous thoughts at noon, when my grandson takes a nap. I then study the Fa and send righteous thoughts in the evening. I am kept busy doing the three things.
My grandson pretty much lives with me, but he has not occupied too much of my time. I put him on my electric bike when I go out to clarify the truth. When my granddaughter is also here, I take both of them with me.
Although I’m sharing trivial things on my cultivation path, they are the ones that test me and help me improve. If I can deal with big problems, why can’t I handle the small things? If we ignore the small things, the bad elements may take advantage of our carelessness.
We all have families, and each family member, regardless of their predestined relationship with us, is here to help us eliminate our attachments. They are here for our consummation, so we should cherish the cultivation environment they’ve given us.