My Husband Changed After I Let Go of My Notions
( Minghui.org) I have had a difficult time passing tribulations involving my husband over the past few years. Now when I look back, I realize it was all caused by my own attachments. I looked down on him and always wanted a divorce.
The more I hated him, the worse he became. I was very worried. My heart was moved, I didn't look at this issue based on the Fa's principle. So I fought with him almost every day. Then he became even worse. Later, he didn't come home for dinner and indulged in gambling, drinking, and having an affair with a woman. He accrued over 100,000 yuan in debt. More and more people came to my home to collect debts.
Later, I just left him alone. When he got home, we said nothing or we simply quarreled. We just could not get along. Sometimes, I was interfered with too much and was unable to concentrate on Fa study.
To stop him from gambling again, I fought with him many times. Despite having a big debt, he went out to gamble whenever he had any money on hand. I stayed home to try to monitor him and went to Fa study after he fell asleep.
Sometimes, he would still get up and go out after I left home. During those few years, my heart was stirred by him. I was thinking about him going out to gamble during Fa-study. I would only rest assured upon seeing him at home after I returned.
I would be very angry and I would immediately call him when he was out. My words were sharp, and I blamed him with a strong sense of resentment. Later, he didn't even answer my calls. I was even angrier and totally forgot that I was a practitioner. I knew I must be tolerant but just couldn't. This situation lasted between 4 and 5 years.
After studying the Fa and sharing with fellow practitioners, I realized the seriousness of the problem. Dafa practitioners must look inward unconditionally. I looked within and found I had very strong attachments to competition, resentment, and selfishness. I had never thought from his view point during all these years.
When the persecution began, I went to Beijing to appeal for Falun Gong. He gave me money to support me. After I was arrested, he protected and took good care of my Dafa books. I should feel thankful toward him and reason with him with a calm heart.
Master Li said,
“I often say that if all a person wants is the well-being of others and if this is without the slightest personal motivation or personal understanding, what he says will move the listener to tears......While working, your tone of voice, your kindheartedness, and your reasoning can change a person’s heart, whereas commands never could!” (“Clearheadedness,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
How could I change him with such a strong resentment and selfishness?
When I calmed down and looked inward again, I suddenly felt he had lived a very difficult life. He was very worried about me each time I was arrested. Once I went to hang a banner of “Falun Dafa Is Good” with fellow practitioners, I returned home around 2:00 a.m. in the morning. The lights were still on when I got home. I knew he was worried about me as the persecution was too rampant at that time. He went to bed after I returned home.
During the last few years, he wasn't able to make any money and owed debts. I didn’t understand him and always fought with him. How could he not be distressed? It was the reason that caused him to do many stupid things. I should follow Truthfulness-Compassion-Tolerance as a practitioner and not argue with him about who is right and who is wrong. Instead of being resentful, I should take good care of him and understand him.
When my notions changed, I felt so relaxed that it was like unloading a big burden. He is not a bad person. Maybe he did all this just for me to improve? Otherwise, how could I remove my attachments?
After I sorted these issues out, he completely changed for the better. Once he was drunk, he cried and apologized about what he had done over the years. I apologized for not taking good care of him as well. I acknowledged his kindness and support of me during the most severe period of persecution. He warmly welcomed the fellow practitioners and protected Dafa books. Other practitioners spoke highly of him. I agreed that we should understand each other. Then the tribulation with my husband finally passed.
In fact, while going through these tribulations, it was just like Master said,
“In fact, your wife is helping you eliminate karma, though she does not know it herself. She is not fighting with you only superficially and still good to you in her heart—it is not so. It is real anger from the bottom of her heart, because whoever has acquired the karma feels uncomfortable. It is guaranteed to be this way.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)