Returning to Goodness Through Cultivation
(Minghuio.org) Before I started to practice Falun Dafa, also called Falun Gong, I ran an online gambling and baccarat gaming business. I had a stable group of agents and members, along with a financial team to collect debts and do loan sharking for me. My monthly income was in the hundreds of thousands of yuan. I socialized extensively so as to create more business opportunities for myself.
Letting go of all the benefits of this business was unimaginable because I didn't have any social security benefits or any other financial security. However, Falun Dafa made me realize that I had lost my true nature and conscience when I took other people's money. No one benefited from it except demons. So, I closed down my business and stopped chasing the debts owed to me.
I grew up in a wicked environment. My father treated me poorly since I was little. He taught me to swear at my mother and use foul language just after I started to talk. He often beat my mother and cursed at her. They frequently quarreled with each other and with other relatives. They backstabbed each other and complained all the time. There was no peace at home.
My father beat me and left bruises all over my body. My heart was filled with fear and hatred. The only goodness in life at that time was to see my grandmother. I treasured my time with her.
I worked hard in primary school, but my father still punished me physically and mistreated me for no reason. So I started to hate school and got bad scores as a result. My teachers were dissatisfied with me and asked my father to see them. They encouraged other students to badmouth me in front of my father. My father then slapped me in front of the whole class and beat me with a chair. Because of this, my classmates often laughed at me and insulted me.
I was in agony and felt helpless. I developed hatred toward my family and school. I couldn't see any hope or direction in my life.
Corrupted by Society
Facing these hardships, I often wondered where I came from, what the purpose of life was, and where I would go. I asked my mother these questions at the age of eight.
She told me that she had given me life, that I would get old, die, and turn to ashes. I was disappointed and felt lost. It was hard to understand that my mother gave birth to me and then let me suffer. One day our teacher took us to a cinema to watch a science and educational film about how humans evolved from apes. I then started to accept what my mother told me.
From all that I heard and the indoctrination by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), I concluded that this was a world in which the big fish ate the small fish and the fittest survived. I thought that I had to become stronger and more wicked than the others if I didn't want to be bullied or oppressed.
I started smoking and drinking and didn't go home at night in high school. I joined a gang and fought. I became a problem youth. But I was happy because I was no longer bullied. On the contrary, those who had bullied and hurt me started to fear and respect me. For the first time, I felt I had gained a foothold in this world.
I stopped going to school after I finished my junior year of high school. My motto in life was, “Live and indulge for today because life is short and bitter.” I picked up jobs in different industries and made different kinds of friends. But all of us had the same values, which was making money and making more money.
I started to take drugs at the age of 18 in Shanghai, where using drugs was popular at nightclubs. I didn't think it was wrong. Rather, I thought it was fashionable, and I enjoyed it. My life further degenerated.
Awakened by Reading the Nine Commentaries
I learned about Falun Dafa by clicking on a link my friend sent me through a text message. I was attracted by the content of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party and was shocked after I finished reading the book.
Browsing the internet, I realized that the news in the media and on websites in China was manipulated, filtered, and blocked. This proved that the rulers wanted to hide the truth from the Chinese people. People were deprived of their right to access information so that they could judge for themselves. However, the more I read, the more I understood that what the Nine Commentaries said was true.
I had been cheated for so long. The Chinese Communist Party is an evil regime that kills its own people and has committed unpardonable crimes. Since it came to power in 1949, it has launched many political purges and slaughtered 80 million Chinese people. The land reform movement intended to kill the farm owners. The anti-rightist movement intended to kill the intellectuals. The Great Leap Forward initiated a large famine, and thousands upon thousands died of hunger.
The Cultural Revolution completely damaged Chinese culture and destroyed traditional beliefs and morality. The Tiananmen Square massacre killed tens of thousands of students. Since 1999, Falun Gong practitioners have been brutally persecuted and killed for their organs.
I used anti-censorship software to freely browse the news online and shared the software with other people in the hope that they can learn about the cruelty and evilness of the CCP. I knew that Falun Gong had been wronged, but I didn't explore it further.
Cultivating and Elevating in Falun Dafa
I watched two special programs, “The Blossom of the Udumbara” and “Legends for People of the Future,” on NTDTV. Both films mentioned the coming of the Holy Law-Wheel King to spread the Fa. I wondered if it was true. For no reason, I felt touched and excited. I felt this was an important event for me. Being educated in a school system that taught atheism and evolution, I believed that Gods and Buddhas were superstition.
Out of curiosity, I downloaded the book Zhuan Falun. Tears kept flowing down my face soon after I started reading it. The book touched my heart. I wanted to cultivate after I read the following paragraph:
“What makes it possible is that your intention to practice shines like gold and resonates with higher lives throughout the universe—or what in Buddhist thought is referred to as “ten directions of worlds.” (The Second Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I felt that Master planted a Falun in me when I read “What I Do for Learners” in The Third Talk because I felt something rotating in my abdomen.
I spent three days reading Zhuan Falun. Afterwards, my perspective of the world had changed. This was the first time I felt that my life was beautiful and I was full of hope. I learned the Falun Dafa exercises online and started to practice them with the exercise music.
It was very exciting for me at the start. I practiced the exercises diligently and studied the Fa sometimes. I distributed informational materials about Falun Dafa online and put up posters on the street. However, I didn't know the importance of looking within for shortcomings when I run into challenges. Relatives and friends laughed at me when I told them the facts about Dafa. I felt lonely inside. I still had strong attachments to personal interest and desires. I was still ambitious and wanted to do better than others. My attachments dragged me back, and I gave up on Dafa.
However, I was restless after that because the seeds of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance had been planted in my heart and had become my criterion for judging between good and bad. Dafa is like a mirror that reflects good, bad, right, wrong, hypocrisy, and so on. I saw the hypocrisy of businessmen who flattered people to their face. I saw their loneliness and bitterness even though they behaved as if they were confident, eloquent, and capable.
After careful consideration, I decided to pick up Dafa again in 2016. I studied the Fa, did the exercises, and listened to podcasts of practitioners' experience-sharing articles. I was able to find my own shortcomings and attachments and tried to cultivate them away to elevate myself. I came to know the preciousness of Dafa more and more as time went by.
When I was reading The Third Talk in Zhuan Falun, I was so upset with myself that I cried. I said in my heart, “Master, you have given us such a great Fa, but I haven't treasured it. I am still attached to ordinary things. I am so sorry, Master.” After saying that, I felt countless Falun rotating on my head, arms, and all over my body.
Dafa has freed me from drugs, alcohol, and other bad habits. I let go of my wasteful life. When I have conflicts with other people, I look at it from the Fa's perspective and try to understand it from the other person's perspective. My heart and mind have broadened as a result.