(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1998. From the teachings, I understand that we were selected by Master Li Hongzhi (the founder). We have the mission to assist Him in saving sentient beings. Over the past two decades, under Master Li's compassionate protection, I have matured step by step and changed from being selfish to altruistic. Here is my story.
Seeking the Meaning of Life
When I was very young, my neighbors looked at me with pity. In the 1980s, when I was eight years old, my mother was poisoned to death by the top administrators of my father's work unit.
My father went to Beijing to petition for justice for my mother. Petitioning was long and difficult. In Beijing, we begged for food and slept on the street. I experienced many hardships. Although I was young, I often wondered, “Why is life so hard?”
My father’s complaint was not answered and we returned home. One day, I saw two signs on the road: “Son for sale,” and “Daughter for sale.” I later learned that my father planned to give my brother and me away.
The neighbors advised him to make raising his children a priority. My father thought that the only way children of poor families could have a better life was by going to school. Thus, although we were very poor and barely had enough food or clothes, my father never allowed my brother or me to stop going to school.
When I was in high school, my father remarried. There were constant conflicts at home. My stepmother was often suspicious and quarreled over the most trivial things. The family was exhausted.
I often looked up at the starry sky at night and wondered why people lived. It seemed that life was more painful than death. Why did people suffer? I wished that a wise man would come down from heaven and show me a way out.
Somehow I felt that the suffering of people was predestined. I felt that I was different from others as I could sense things. I seemed to be waiting for something. I wanted to find the answer to my question about why people came to this world.
After I enrolled in college I was offered a first-class scholarship every year. My academic performance was excellent all the way through to my Ph.D. Yet despite my years of education, the issue that haunted me was not answered.
I always naively thought that there should be no corruption in the field of natural science. But what I observed was data fraud and competition for prestige and personal interest.
Seeking answers, I went to a temple, but the solemn Buddha statue sat in silence and the Buddhist scriptures were difficult to understand.
One day in September 1998, during a doctoral class, the teacher asked each of us to tell a story about themselves. One of my classmates talked about Falun Gong. He recommended we read Zhuan Falun. I got a copy and read it.
Master said, “And it explains why the wish to become a better, or more spiritual, person is considered divine and is prized; it means that the person wants to become pure again and return to his true, heavenly abode, and be freed of this world.” (from “The First Talk” in Zhuan Falun)
As soon as I read this, I felt inspired and realized that this was what I had been looking for. I was delighted.
Taking Karmic Retribution Lightly
After I began practicing Falun Dafa, the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance became integral to my life. When I found myself in difficult situations or became confused during the stormy years of the persecution, the principles guided me.
One issue spans nearly two decades. My now ex-husband and I were classmates in graduate school. One month after we married, I started practicing Falun Gong. Because I required myself to be a good wife according to the standards of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance, there were no disputes between us. He said, “I can't argue with you even if I want to.” I smiled and said, “Isn't it good to be like this?”
We were married for nearly 20 years, but we lived apart for 14 of those years. When our son was a teenager his father came home during the holidays but only stayed for a few days. I had to work and raise our son by myself.
In the early days of our marriage, I got a hint in a dream – this marriage was arranged to repay a debt and eventually would end in divorce.
I was exhausted by the pressures of life and work. My grievances and feelings of resentment rose and quickly grew. I often wept even though I kept reminding myself that I was a practitioner.
Master taught us, “Nothing is truly unbearable or impossible.” (from “The Ninth Talk” in Zhuan Falun)
Although I understood the Fa superficially, it seemed too difficult for me to live by the principles. I could not see the root cause of karmic retribution; I could only painfully endure.
Because I did not eliminate my attachments, the old forces took advantage of my loopholes and persecuted me. Every month my menstruation was long with heavy bleeding which left me pale and weak. I even had a hard time walking.
Master said, “So it’s a common failing for people to view the difficulties in their lives as unfair, and many have fallen as a result.” (from “The Fourth Talk” in Zhuan Falun)
Resentment is like thick ice, hard and stubborn. I felt that it was too difficult to get rid of. I knew that only Dafa could help me. So whenever I started to feel resentment and began complaining, I would recite the following teaching,
“And so you will have problems in spiritual practice if you don’t manage to free yourself of it. Those who do, will be free of human sentiments and unflappable. In its place will arise compassion, something far more noble.” (from “The Fourth Talk” in Zhuan Falun)
I recited the Fa until I calmed down and my complaints were gone.
Gradually, my righteous thoughts became stronger. Master's teachings also helped me understand that many human relationships are based on karmic retribution. I used to look at human things superficially and only focused on others’ wrongdoing and my own pain.
I spent more than three years in this state. In the end, Master helped me completely remove the root cause of my resentment. My body immediately became normal. I was able to view other peoples' situations with compassion and realized that everyone is suffering.
When my son was eleven years old, my husband suggested a divorce. Before he mentioned it, I felt that our predestined relationship was coming to an end. So, I wasn't surprised.
However, I still wept, because of loneliness and because of the unfairness to my son. Then I enlightened to the understanding that this was a good opportunity to eliminate my human attachments.
I identified my hidden attachments to jealousy, competition, and fame. I quickly eliminated them one after another. After two weeks of this process, my entire body felt renewed. Master let me feel the beauty and wonder of each realm as I eliminated each attachment.
Today, I have no hate or resentment for my ex-husband but only compassion. How unfortunate it is that people are lost in a maze and don’t know where to turn. I was emotionally entangled with my ex-husband for nearly two decades.
Master used this karmic relationship to pave the way for me to cultivate, which not only allowed me to repay my karmic debt but also used this situation to temper me and help me eliminate my narrow-mindedness and selfishness.
Even when I felt most hopeless, I never felt that Master left me. In the early days of the persecution, I had a dream in which I climbed a mountain.
I saw a huge square when I got to the mountaintop. A giant hand as large as the square was in front of me. I felt enveloped by compassion and enlightened that I was a child who was carefully protected in Master's hands.
(To be continued)
(Presented during The 16th Online China Falun Dafa Cultivation Experience Sharing Conference on Minghui.org)
