(Minghui.org) From the moment I finished reading Zhuan Falun for the first time, I was determined to succeed in my cultivation. I put a lot of effort into the practice and appeared to be doing well. Despite outward appearances, my xinxing did not improve at all. I was like a balloon floating in the air, drifting along aimlessly. I was desperate to take control of my own path. Then I remembered that Master kept emphasizing that we must study the Fa and study it sincerely.
In the book Explaining the Content of Falun Dafa Master talked about Falun Dafa practitioners in Changchun memorizing Zhuan Falun. I thought that if I wanted to make real progress in my cultivation, I had better heed Master's words.
I started memorizing Zhuan Falun in 2003, and it took me about seven months to finish it. From the teachings, I learned to look within and stopped feeling that I was drifting along. The practice of looking within was like an anchor or a compass for me. I no longer felt lost, I was anchored by Master and the Fa.
When I realized what this magical tool of looking within could do, I was so excited that I immediately went to see another practitioner, and exclaimed, “I have learned to look within!”
That was the moment I truly embarked on my cultivation journey. Looking within has helped me through many tribulations.
A Tragic Loss Uncovers Deeply Hidden Attachments
I've managed to let go of many attachments, but my attachment to fame remained hidden. By taking a very narrow interpretation of what Master said about, “upgrading as a whole body,” I harshly judged other practitioners. I tried to gain their support by forcing the little bits of insight into the Fa I had on them.
In fact, I was motivated by my desire to show off. Every practitioner's foundation, level of enlightenment and path of cultivation is different. My sharing my understandings may have been somewhat effective, but the pressure I put on fellow practitioners was enormous.
Because I haven't been aware of my attachment to showing off for a long time, the old forces were able to exploit my weakness. First, a wall was put up between myself and Annie (alias) a Dafa practitioner, who was also my best friend. She was always busy with Dafa related activities and often neglected Fa study and seldom did the exercises. While we worked on projects together I often reminded her that she needed to remember to cultivate herself.
In 2015, I became very busy with a new project and had little time to talk to her. When I think back, I was too arrogant to approach her. The old forces again intervened by manipulating other practitioners to shower Annie with compliments about her work on Dafa projects. She felt compelled to work harder, believing that she was being diligent. As a result, she focused on the projects and spent even less time studying the Fa or doing the exercises. Eventually, she was stricken with sickness karma.
I saw Annie again sixteen months later. She had lost a lot of weight, but still persisted in doing the three things. However, I noticed that she had developed an inflated ego and wasn't willing to listen to others. Worse yet, she didn't look within and expected Master to resolve her tribulations for her. She wanted the other practitioners to send forth righteous thoughts on her behalf to eliminate any interference.
The only thing she wanted to hear was, “It's just interference. Keep sending forth righteous thoughts and Master will remove it.”
A month passed, but Annie's condition did not improve. Some practitioners suggested that she should temporarily stop working on projects, look within and study the Fa. So, Annie threw herself into Fa study while completely ignoring practitioners' suggestions about looking within. She even said, “Leave me alone, I'm improving myself.”
I felt that she was studying the Fa with pursuit. Her condition deteriorated drastically, and a few days later she was taken to a hospital.
When we notice other practitioners experiencing problems, we should examine ourselves to see if we've contributed to them. I repeatedly looked within, but Annie's condition did not improve.
One day, while I was wondering why this happened, a scene appeared before me: Annie had conspired with the practitioners who suggested that she stop working on truth-clarification projects in order to save herself. But the old forces would not allow her to cultivate herself and felt that she was undermining Dafa. So with her agreement, they smashed her head and blood splattered across the entire room.
Cultivation is very sacred and serious. That one mistake led her down the path arranged by the old forces.
Although her physical body was still alive, Annie appeared to have lost her mind. When I read the Fa to her, she no longer believed what Master said. Sometimes she would laugh and say, “It's so dumb to do that!”
I felt that Annie's situation was grave and tried to convince another coordinator to call everyone together to discuss the situation and find a solution. But no one listened to my suggestion, and in the end, Annie passed away around the New Year 2017.
Not long after, I was relieved of my coordinator role. I had been a coordinator since 1998 and took it quite hard.
A New Cultivation Opportunity
I tried hard to remain calm and look within after being relieved of my role, but I couldn't wrap my mind around what happened. I felt that I hadn't done anything wrong, and my cultivation was going well. I knew how to look within and I've studied the Fa well, so I was puzzled about the way things turned out.
Now that I was no longer a coordinator, I had more time to study and memorize the Fa. The old forces realized that I could not be faulted on that front, so they manipulated other practitioners to exclude me from group Fa-study and spread rumors that I was extreme in my understanding of the Fa. Issues also arose at home. I was blamed for everything and couldn't do a single thing right. I felt completely overwhelmed.
Thankfully, I had the magical tool of looking within. I asked myself: What attachment of mine is this targeting? Master said, “It is so strong that it has become natural and people do not even notice it.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
There was nothing I could do but focus on studying the Fa. I was filled with resentment, but I still didn't know where I went wrong. Master said,
“Whenever there is interference of one kind or another in qigong practice, you should look for reasons within yourself and determine what you still have not let go of.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
With events happening one after another, I must have somehow strayed off my cultivation path. Learning from the experience sharing of fellow practitioners, I put even more effort into studying the Fa. I went from studying one lecture in Zhuan Falun a day to studying three lectures a day. After persisting for a few months, my thoughts became clearer. Gradually, with Master's guidance, I managed to identify the root of the problem – it was my self-importance, arrogance and most detrimental of all, my attachment to fame.
Finally Identifying My Fundamental Attachment
When I finally identified my attachment, I saw that my attachment to fame was very obvious. I felt pleased when I was told that I had good enlightenment quality and became annoyed if anyone pointed out that I went to extremes in my cultivation.
My determination to reach consummation quickly was also a manifestation of my attachment to fame. In fact, everything I've done on my cultivation journey over the past 21 years was for the sole purpose of my own consummation. Master said: “...fame is a great obstacle to reaching Consummation” (“Dafa Will Forever be Pure Like Diamond”, Essentials for Further Advancement)
Once I came to that realization, the problems at home disappeared, as if they had been blown away by a gust of wind. Everything in this human world suddenly became tiny and unimportant.
As a result of this tribulation, I have gained a greater appreciation of Master's boundless mercy and the immense power of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. Master has repeatedly urged us to study the Fa more and to cultivate ourselves. Everything Master has said is for our own good and for the good of mankind.
“Only when you really study and absorb Dafa do you really “have Dafa.” If you have truly followed it and worked on yourself, and become a sincere disciple, then you really do “have Dafa” and have nothing to fear.” (2018 Fa Teaching Given in Washington, D.C.)
I have once more experienced Master's infinite kindness and wisdom. What appears to be insurmountable problems are really nothing if we just apply Master's teachings. It really is as Master said, “After passing the shady willow trees, therewill be bright flowers and another village ahead!” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
Category: Improving Oneself
