Awakening from the Worldly Life
(Minghui.org) When I first met my husband, I knew he had a drinking habit, but I didn't think it was a big deal.
When we first got married, he behaved well and didn't say much after he came home from drinking. But after a while, he changed. He started to curse at me when he got home. We were pretty young then and we would just yell at each other a little bit and then it would be over.
I told myself that he would get better when he got older. But as time went on, he drank even more, and when he came home, he would curse at me very loudly until he got tired and fell asleep. Gradually, I developed a strong sense of resentment toward him.
I started to practice Falun Dafa in 1998. By studying the teachings of Master Li Hongzhi, I began to realize that my tribulations had causes behind them that could have to do with karmic relationships from several lifetimes. With this understanding, I tried to follow Dafa's requirements and not argue with my husband. My resentment toward him gradually weakened. But I then formed another attachment: I become more and more worried about his health. I was afraid of losing him. Suddenly, I was being tortured by that sentimentality. It was extremely painful whenever I experienced that sentimentality. I knew I needed to eliminate it. Sometimes I would follow him when he went out to drink. I hoped that if I was there, he would drink less. But it was no use; he would still drink a lot, as usual.
By studying Dafa, I understood that each person has their own fate and destiny. I cannot change his life. My sentimentality toward him gradually became less, but I just couldn't seem to get rid of it completely. One day, he went out to drink during lunch, and then at dinner, and he brought guests home to drink even more. I quietly cooked a couple of dishes for them. Soon they were drunk, and alcohol and food ended up all over the floor. When I was cleaning up the mess, my resentment reared its head again.
I told myself, “I cannot disappoint Master this time. I'll use this as an opportunity to improve my xinxing.” I calmly cleaned up everything and felt very relaxed. I knew that I had improved. Before this, I had always been angry while cleaning up him, and it was always very tiring!
The next morning he said to me, “Sorry. I drank too much again yesterday.” He had never apologized like that before. I didn't say anything to him, but I felt a sense of hopelessness about our future.
I followed that thought and realized that I had a wish that he would stop drinking so we could live a better life. Looking at it, I knew that it was an attachment to comfort and a desire to live a happy life in ordinary society. I had placed my husband at the center of my life, as if I wouldn't be able to survive without him. Once I realized this, I knew it was the root of my attachment to sentimentality. Because I had this wish and it didn't go as I wanted, I felt the sense of hopelessness. With this realization, my mind suddenly calmed down.
When I was able to study the Fa with a pure mind, Master gave me a hint and I understood a Fa principle: Sentimentality is a divine being in charge of the Three Realms and everything in the Three Realms contains the factors of sentimentality. As the universe follows the pattern of formation-stasis-degeneration-destruction, sentimentality has also degenerated. Today's evil theory of evolution, along with atheism perpetuated by Chinese Communist Party, has made people’s sentimentality even worse. It has become something like a poison. If practitioners cannot free themselves from sentimentality, they may become ruined.
When I dug farther inside, I discovered that I had another notion: I had the thought that the Three Realms was the origin of my life and my home. I was very attached to it and did not want to leave it. I came to realize that this thought was formed over thousands of years that I have been reincarnating here.
After realizing this, it seemed that Master saw my human mentality and guided me to think on a deeper level. I thought: For all the countless beings in the universe, what do they rely on to continue? There has to be a form of energy. What about the movements of the sun, moon, and stars? There has to be a form of energy that drives them as well. But where does this energy come from? There must be a very large being that has unlimited energy and bears all the beings in the universe. That's our compassionate Master!
Master then guided my mind to another dimension. From far away I saw that it was an extremely bright world. I felt in my mind that it was my true home, where Master first gave me life. Suddenly I understood that the origin of my life was Master. It was the Lord of the Universe who created my life and gave me boundless wisdom! It is all real!
At that instant, I understood that I was not a being of the Three Realms, that I had come here on a mission, and that I had responsibilities. One day I'll return to my true home. I also understood the beings in the universe are at different levels, and that in Fa-rectification, all beings will be renewed and place themselves according to their attitudes toward Dafa.
Although my husband doesn't practice Dafa, he knows the facts of the persecution, and he supports my practice and study of the Fa. I thought: Dafa creates different living environments for beings at different levels, and that is why every person has his own destiny.
After I understood these Fa principles, I was able to relinquish my sentimentality toward my husband, as well as toward my daughter and other relatives. I was no longer attached to anything in the Three Realms. I felt like I had just put down a heavy weight. I felt very happy and relaxed. It was natural and there was no fluctuation in my mind.
It was just as Master said:
“With attachments set down, the light boats are swiftWith a heavy human heart, crossing the ocean is difficult” (“The Heart Itself Is Clear” from Hong Yin Vol. II)
My cultivation experience reinforced my belief that what Master teaches us is absolutely true. It is the truth of the universe! I feel so fortunate to be a Dafa disciple. I must be more and more diligent and fulfill Master's hope.
The above is just one episode in my cultivation and some of my understandings of the Fa principles at my current level. If anything is inappropriate, please kindly point it out.