(Minghui.org) During my 19 years of cultivation, my biggest headache was that my husband did not support me in my practicing Falun Dafa. I often wondered where I went wrong. I calmed down and looked within from the beginning of my cultivation. I went over what I thought and what I said at the time. I also tried to find out why I did these things. I finally realized the root cause.
Looking for Cause of Arguments
I have a strong personality. Whether it was related to improving the family's financial situation or improving our quality of life, I worked hard to achieve it. In particular, I hoped that my family would be harmonious.
The reality, however, was the opposite. My husband and I often argued because of disagreements. However, when the conflict occurred outside of my home, I did not resort to arguing with him in order to save face. The more I was afraid to lose face, the more he vented his anger.
After doing this for a long time, my resentment towards him grew larger and larger. To avenge his embarrassing me, I also summed up some experiences to embarrass him. When he cursed at me in public, I slowed my pace to keep a distance from him. I acted as though I did not know him, pretending to look for who he was swearing at. I looked at him disgustedly, silently mocking him. It would not only avoid my getting embarrassed, but also allowed me to vent my resentment.
After I started cultivation, the problem became more prominent. I looked within many times about this issue. I found my attachments of being afraid to lose face, having conflicts, looking down on him, and trying to control him. But I hadn't found the root cause.
I felt helpless and tried to please him at times, so I could temporarily solve the problem. The more I wanted to please him, the worse he became. This problem was still not resolved after more than 10 years.
Finding and Eliminating the Root Cause
In the past few days, I calmed down, studied the Fa and looked inward to find the root cause. Finally, I discovered the origin of this problem. It went back to my childhood. My dad yelled at my mother every day, and my mother could not answer back, because my dad would beat her. I had five sisters and two brothers. Our family's income depended on the money my mother earned by making clothes.
My dad only did some farm work on our property. He spent most of his time drinking with his friends. He often drank from noon to evening. He asked my mom for money for his drinking. If my mom showed any displeasure, he would curse at or beat her. We children worried all day about whether any incautious words from mom would provoke dad.
This situation lasted for more than a decade. I hated my father and hated that I was born in such a family. I envied my neighbor's harmonious life. I also tried to protest, but it ended in failure.
I finally realized that desiring to live a good life among ordinary people is my fundamental attachment. After discovering this attachment, Master guided me with the following principle to get rid of my human notions.
Master said:
“When you experience any kind of interference, if you can manage not to get overly focused on the particulars of what is happening and thereby keep yourself unperturbed, then you will be able to emerge from it all, and you will have even greater mighty-virtue.” (“On the Responses to the Piece About Assistant Souls”)
I realized that over the past decade, I was always stuck in the incident itself and could not get out of it. I was trying to force my husband to change. I developed resentment towards him since he refused to change as I wished.
After I recognized this resentment, a test came to temper my mind and remove my attachment. My husband did not come home for dinner, and did not call me either, which never happened before. I waited until 10:30 p.m., and then I called him and learned that he was playing Mahjong in the neighborhood. This went on for several days.
I needed to calm down and examine what attachments I had exposed and get rid of them. My mind was struggling. After sending forth righteous thoughts, my mind became clear. Another idea popped up: It was almost 1:00 a.m., and he was still not home. It tried to provoke my resentment against my husband. I needed to recognize it, remove it, and not fall for it. I must follow Master's arrangements to be in line with Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. My heart was calm, and he came home soon after.
The next day, my husband went to play Mahjong again. Given my new insight, my heart wasn't moved. Instead, I was at home writing this sharing. While writing, I looked even deeper to find what was behind each attachment and how this attachment was formed.
Enlightening
A thought came from my heart: Don't let him continue this painful “performance” just because I have not removed my attachment. At this time, a warm stream arose in my heart. There was no complaint, no hate, nothing negative. That calm and peaceful beauty could not be described in mere words! I thought that this is the state called “compassion.” Later, I felt that everything in the world is not important. I decided to begin to cultivate based on Dafa's cultivation standards. When a conflict occurred, I reminded myself not to blame others but to think of others first.
Because of the change in me, my husband's attitude changed 180 degrees. His grievances disappeared. He became nice, and talked to me about my fellow practitioners with respect. When we studied the Fa at home, he cut fruit for us. He also praised us to be the best people in the world today. This was the first time that he complimented fellow practitioners and me in my 19 years of cultivation. I feel very embarrassed!
The fellow practitioners were also very happy to see the changes in him! They said that I had enlightened correctly, and my xinxing had improved. In the past few days, I've felt that my words and actions were in line with the Fa.
Category: Improving Oneself
