From Looking Outward to Searching Inward
(Minghui.org) I could always find the shortcomings of other practitioners. As to what I observed, I would dig into the root causes of their problems and then talk about their attachments at group Fa study. When practitioners realized what I had pointed out to them was on the Fa, they gladly accepted what I had said. They even praised me at times and said that I had studied the Fa well.
I forgot all about looking inward. Moreover, my attachment of zealotry and my show-off mentality became stronger. I also developed a sense of superiority. Back then, I didn't realize that I was trapped in a plot devised by the old forces, which was to amplify my attachments. Thinking back now, for many years my behavior was very dense.
I came to realize in 2016 that my attitude was wrong. I was taking up a lot of the time at group Fa study. I didn't help the other practitioners and had a negative effect on them. After I realized this, I pulled myself out of two Fa-study groups, but kept going to a third. However, my problem kept flaring up. After the Fa study, practitioners would leave some time for sharing, and I always commandeered the floor.
The sharings I gave were all directed at other practitioners and how they were not on the Fa, such as checking how they wrapped up Dafa books and if the paper used was good enough; suggesting they use mirrors to check their exercise movements or whether they held their palms upright during sending forth righteous thoughts; or checking if they still had any books or paintings connected to the Chinese Communist Party (CCP).
Another time at group study an elderly practitioner behaved inappropriately. Though all the others saw what she did too, only I spoke out. She was speechless and corrected herself while feeling embarrassed.
I then realized, even though there was nothing incorrect with what I said, my motivation was selfish. I was driven by my attachments of showing off and thinking highly of myself. Over time, I had developed the mentality of looking down upon others.
I was invited to another Fa-study group one day to share my understandings, and I did so. And I kept going for nearly three hours, using up all the time they had set aside for Fa study.
They were scheduled to go out to clarify the facts to people the next day. They hadn’t studied the Fa because of me. The old forces were able to take advantage of that. One practitioner ended up being reported by some people and got arrested. She was later illegally sentenced and imprisoned. Even now, I still feel a great deal of regret; I believe I am responsible for her arrest.
I came to realize I had been looking outward instead of inward and was using Fa principles to measure others instead myself. I made up my mind to eliminate these attachments.
Starting from early this year, I began to study the Fa and look inward wholeheartedly. I have been reading Master's new lectures one by one. Especially for the newer lectures, I read them repeatedly, often over a dozen times.
By constantly looking outward, I was affecting others and putting myself in a very dangerous position. Master's Fa gave me a wake-up call, and I was finally able to learn how to cultivate myself. I also came to understand that Master takes care of every practitioner, and there is no reason for me to intervene in others' cultivation processes.
“I often tell you about situations like this: When two people have a conflict both should look for the causes within themselves, asking, ‘What problem do I have here?’ Each should search for his own problem. If a third person witnesses the conflict between the two, I would say that it’s not accidental for that third person to see it, and he too should think it over: ‘Why did I see their conflict? Is it because I still have some shortcomings?’” (Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. Fa Conference)
If all of us could cultivate ourselves well and look inward unconditionally when running into conflicts, we would be on the Fa.
I realized that though I had practiced for 20 years, I really didn't know what true cultivation meant. As to the Fa-principle of looking inward, my understanding was very shallow.
I truly appreciate the practitioners who have been together with me for more than a decade. I am determined to keep searching within wholeheartedly. I will treasure the precious cultivation opportunities that are ahead of me.
This is my personal understanding, please kindly point out anything off base.