I Wasn't Behaving Like a Practitioner at Home
(Minghui.org) When I visited a practitioner one day she was arguing with her family. I tried to stop her and said, “Hey! How can you do that? Aren't we practitioners?”
As those words came out of my mouth, I felt uneasy: It is easy to comment on other practitioners' behavior, but how well did I do at home?
“When any conflict arises or anything happens, I've told you that not only should the two parties in the conflict look for reasons on their part, even any third party should think about himself--why are you the one who observed it?” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference” in Teaching the Fa at the Conference IV)
Because of illness karma, I have stayed at home for more than a year. Since I hardly go out, most of my opportunities for xinxing improvement are related to my husband. That is, we often argue over trivial things. I thought that offending other people would lead to trouble while offending my husband would have fewer consequences. So I just said whatever I wanted to and often argued until I won, while he was often left speechless.
This has been especially the case recently. Because I am unable to do physical work, my temper got worse. When my husband fixed our meals, I often found fault with his cooking or said it didn't taste right. In fact, he'd had a blood clot in his brain in the past and is a little slow at doing things. Plus, he'd never cooked in the past. Why was I so picky?
Studying the Fa further, I realized my behavior was driven by my human notions. With other people, especially non-practitioners, I am always careful about what I do and say. But with my family, I forget I am a practitioner and often make casual remarks. When I do this, my attachments are exposed and my ego is front and center. I have displayed no compassion or forbearance.
“Every attachment for you to remove in your cultivation practice is a wall, standing there and blocking your path of cultivation practice.” (“Environment” in Essentials for Further Advancement)
I did not do well in the past. In fact, my husband needs my help. How could I just sit there letting him help me while I kept criticizing him? This is not how a practitioner should behave.
For the first time in my life, I apologized to my husband. I told him I would change from now on. In fact, I will not only treat him well, I will treat everyone with compassion. I will rectify myself according to the Fa.