Treating Relatives the Same as Other Sentient Beings When Clarifying the Truth

(Minghui.org) Greetings, revered Master. Greetings, fellow practitioners.

Ten years have passed since I started practicing Falun Dafa in 2005. Each year, I examine myself in retrospect against the principles of Dafa. I have always seen some improvement. I have let go of my attachments to jealousy, competitiveness, showing off, and part of my emotions to family. I have also learned how to cope with sickness karma. As I progressed, each time another type of qing (sentimentality) just melted away. During the past year, though, I saw clearly that I still had serious qing related to my husband, and I used to joke that my husband was my last qing.

I decided to start actively letting go of this qing by talking to my husband and getting him to understand Dafa and the persecution. It is a task that I’ve been struggling with for a long time. So I decided to write about it to see the process more clearly, to make a breakthrough, and eventually overcome it. Therefore, this test is still ongoing, and I cannot say at this point that I have managed to overcome this hardship completely.

This close relationship and emotion towards a family member interfered with my thoughts, leaving them unclear and irrational whenever it came to clarifying the truth.

Master said:

“Another thing is that when you clarify the truth to your family, you always regard them as family, rather than as sentient beings who are to be saved.”

“As cultivators, you should all be very clear on this, and you can't be mired in the kind of concept ordinary people have of being related to someone. Regard him as a sentient being and save him as you would any other sentient being. Then when you talk with him, the result will be different--guaranteed.” (Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles)

Lately, the conflicts between me and my husband have became more frequent. We argue mainly over two things: my husband’s hearing has deteriorated, but he absolutely refuses to use a hearing device. We both end up talking too loudly, which has caused all sorts of misunderstandings and misinterpretations on his part as to what he’s been told, and frustrations and struggle for control. The second thing is his driving. He drives too fast, doesn’t pay close enough attention, and sometimes it’s dangerous. Many times I’ve driven him myself because I’ve been so afraid.

I realized that these frequent arguments, fanned by the old forces, were a clue from Master to take a look inside and identify those attachments that are so deeply embedded that I still couldn’t find them.

To hasten my return to the right path, my test got harder.

Entangled by his own weaknesses and feeling helpless, my husband found a scapegoat–Falun Dafa. Throughout the years, he had silently resisted my belief in Falun Dafa. Now, however, his overall frustration fueled a growing rage against Dafa.

He started threatening me with divorce and with leaving home, he slandered Dafa and Master, and he absolutely refused to learn even the tiniest bit about the persecution in China. He just kept repeating the same mantra over and over again: "It’s not the worst thing in the world, and China, as such a huge developing power, must take such measures to maintain its sovereignty."

I felt utterly frustrated. I was extremely bothered by not being able to properly clarify the truth to him about the persecution. I knew that, according to him, I should have looked inward more often, as a Dafa disciple should. I should have started doing that a long time ago.

After digging and digging inward, I finally realized that I was inconsiderate of him. I still had the attachment of always having the last word just to prove my point. I recalled what Master said:

“Whether you are right or not is, for a cultivator, not important whatsoever. Don’t argue left and right, and don’t emphasize who’s right and who’s wrong. Some people are always stressing that they’re right, but even if you are right, even if you’re not wrong, so what? Have you improved on the basis of the Fa? The very act of using human thinking to stress who’s right and who’s wrong is in itself wrong. That’s because you are then using the logic of ordinary people to evaluate yourself, and using that logic to make demands on others. As gods see it, for a cultivator to be right or wrong in the human world is not important in the least, whereas eliminating the attachments that come from human thinking is important, and it is precisely your managing to eliminate those attachments rooted in your human thinking as you cultivate that counts as important.” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan”)

We must not forget that we are cultivating among ordinary people, and that we must handle well the issue of family members who are not cultivating.

Master said:

“—a three-foot block of ice doesn’t form overnight. After you fail to handle things well at first, the resentment starts to pile up until it grows serious, and it will become, over time, a rift that seems completely irreconcilable. This kind of situation will bring difficulty to Dafa disciples as they attempt to validate the Fa. In every instance, however, the problem lies with our Dafa disciple. It is because you didn’t handle the situation well initially that it has turned into what it has.” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan”)

Our conflict is probably deeply rooted, and it surfaces every now and then to remind me that I still haven’t uncovered the basic attachment underlying our relationship, so time and again I missed the opportunity to fulfill the mission that I took on a long time ago.

Master said:

“The person then feels that he’s willing but not able [to do the things he should do]: he fears that the couple’s relationship will be affected, yet he also fears that he’s not doing very well with Dafa things, and knows that all of this is affecting his cultivation. It eventually renders the person mentally and physically exhausted, as well as confused about what to do. Actually, if you can manage to collect yourself and think it over, you will see that all of it is resolvable. Since this Fa has been transmitted as such in the human world, and since a cultivation method like this that pits you in ordinary society was settled upon, then for sure anything that you meet with in ordinary human society can be resolved. It just depends on how, in this case, you regard your family members. Are you able to handle things with righteous thoughts? Are you able to help them gain clarity by speaking with the righteous conviction of a cultivator? If you can handle things well, things will go well. If you can’t handle them well, it will be the opposite.” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan”)

Master again sent me more clues to further examine my compassion–Shan–more closely.

I used to have conflicts with a fellow practitioner every now and then, which kept recurring in different ways. I decided that I mustn’t overlook it and took a deeper look inward to find out why this kept recurring just with her, of all people. I realized that I didn’t appreciate her; I thought she was unworthy. I realized I hadn’t fully understood the true meaning of compassion yet, and that I wasn’t truly behaving compassionately towards her.

Master taught us what true compassion is:

“And that is what compassion means--not some intentional display, show of human preference for this or that, or an instantiation of, "If you're good to me, then I will be shan toward you." It is offered unconditionally and has no thought of reward--it is fully for the sake of sentient beings. When this compassionate goodness emerges, its strength is without equal, and it will disintegrate any bad factors. The greater the compassion, the greater the power.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference”)

Once I realized that, my whole attitude towards her changed, and our relationship improved tremendously.

This hint also helped me with my husband.

I think the basic attachment in our relationship was my lack of true compassion towards him.

Master said:

“Compassion is an enormous energy, the energy of righteous gods. The more compassion that is present, the greater this energy becomes, and it can disintegrate anything that is bad.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference”)

I asked myself why I couldn’t feel this tremendous energy bursting from inside. I realized that compassion also has different levels that can be described in words at its lower levels, but at very high levels, such as that of a divine being, one's “self” completely dissolves, and nothing but merciful compassion, love, consideration and other elements that cannot be expressed in words engulf you and radiate towards everything that surrounds you.

If we can maintain such divine compassion in our hearts during our daily relationships with others, no matter what attitude they have towards us, the knowing side in the depths of their souls will come to realize it.

Master said:

“As they see it, ‘If you are to save me, you have to reach my level first, and you must have this measure of mighty virtue before you can save me. Without such mighty virtue, without having reached my stature, how could you save me?’ So they would have you trip and fall, suffer, and eliminate your attachments, after which, with your mighty virtue having been established, you will have cultivated to that level and be able to save them.” (“Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa - Fa Teaching Given at the 2011 Washington DC Metro Area Fa Conference”)

Aware of my attachments, I tried of course to improve myself and act according to the Fa. Not everything went well. But always being on guard, I was instantly aware whenever I went wrong and made an effort to fix it. My main goal was, after all, to save a sentient being and help him position himself on the right side of history.

I examined each and every thought against the Fa, and in every conversation we held, I made an effort to speak only from the Fa. I constantly reminded myself to emphasize compassion and generosity, avoid criticism, and avoid arguing. I wanted him to see that, as a Dafa disciple, I was to live according to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance in every situation in my life.

I knew that, as a Dafa disciple, I dedicated a lot of time to Dafa work: studying the Fa at home or with a group, doing the exercises, and clarifying the truth outdoors. It was all time I used to spend on our relationship before.

I made a decision to reschedule some of my activities so they won’t affect our life together. I did the exercises early in the morning, helped translate articles in my spare time, and encouraged him to go out whenever I wanted to do the exercises or study the Fa with a group or go out to clarify the truth.

I paid more attention to our time together, which later gave me the opportunity to clarify the truth when we were together in social settings without any objections on his part.

For a while, I added to the last part of sending righteous thoughts the following line: “Remove any disturbances that prevent my husband from positioning himself on Dafa’s side.”

My efforts began to bear fruit, and I saw breakthroughs starting to occur. My husband offered to drive me to distribute the Chinese edition of the Epoch Times. He also took some copies to the hotel he went to every day to use the gym. He told me several times that, when he met several Chinese people at the hotel, he offered them a newspaper.

Also, when we went into a store that sells Chinese products, my husband found the owner and asked him if he knew about Falun Gong; he would also add, “I’m Falun Gong.” I realized that my efforts to save him had really started to change him.

His knowing side--his true thoughts--were able to recognize the truth of the Fa and recognize my true wish to save him, so he has started to emerge from the emotional mire of ordinary people.

Still, not everything is now clear sailing. In the ups and downs in our relationship, he sometimes drags me down again, and I let ordinary human hearts influence me, sending me back to square one. Therefore, all the time, at any given moment I must be on guard and maintain my righteous thoughts. I should always check to see if my attachments were removed and keep clarifying the truth to him rationally and clearly as a true Dafa disciple. This is how I am making the effort to restore the harmony between us and restore our mutual understanding of the Fa principles.

This task I have undertaken with regard to my husband has had many consequences on my xinxing improvement. I’ve noticed that my relationships with other practitioners have improved. I learned to let go, cooperate with others, allow space for others’ opinions, and be considerate of others even when they didn’t seem to be considerate of me. This is because I’ve realized that our motives for what we do or how we react don’t necessarily always stem from wanting to cause harm. They are simply derived from the level to which a person can cope with attachments, such as anger, jealousy, competitiveness, fame, and fortune.

To conclude, I must admit that the process of writing about this struggle opened my mind to new understandings and enabled me to find new feasible solutions.

Master said:

“If you can help your family members to start cultivating, that’s best of course. But if they can’t cultivate, then you have to ensure that they are beings who can be saved, and at a minimum, be good people so that they may enjoy good rewards one day.” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan”)

Thank you, Master, for treating me with endless compassion. Thank you for giving me hints and not giving up on me until I have reached the right understanding from within the Fa.

Thank you, fellow practitioners, for dedicating your time listening to my cultivation experience.

Please point out anything that is not in accordance with the Fa.