(Minghui.org) I’m grateful for Master’s salvation and forgiveness. When I returned to cultivation, I felt the true power of Master’s benevolence, and I also realized one reason why the Fa-rectification period is being extended time and again: It is truly for us, and gives all sentient beings chance after chance!

Straying from Dafa and Losing Hope

Master said:

“The evil has been trying everything possible to bring you down. Some gods don't want you to rise through cultivation. Don't think, 'They want what's good for us and want us to rise through cultivation.' That is not true! They are trying everything possible to bring you down and not let you rise.” (Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles)

I obtained the Fa prior to 1999. The label of "veteran practitioner" carries great responsibility. Not recognizing how serious cultivation is, however, I slacked off and made serious mistakes on my cultivation path, including pyramid sales, inappropriate sexual relationships, and not cultivating my speech. Now I understand that I unconsciously undermined the Fa.

Finally, the old forces dragged me down through the evil website Tang Qi. A practitioner who does not follow the Fa is sad and helpless. I could not let go of the attachment to sentimentality toward fellow practitioners and measure everything against the Fa. I took a huge detour and let Master down!

Using human notions to pass judgment on Dafa and Master, a cultivator can never transcend humanness to reach the divine. The foundation of righteous belief will collapse amidst doubts generated by human notions. Lies on that evil website confused me, because I was attached to the timing of Fa-rectification. Initially, I worried about Master’s safety, and later I questioned Master. In the end, I returned to humanness.

In the end, my notions made me give up doing the exercises and reading the Dafa books. I did not want or dare to read them.

With the mindset of an ordinary human, my soul had nowhere to turn. During those few years, I suffered internal and external problems, including emotional trauma and illnesses. A life that strays from Dafa is hopeless.

That is, until one day when I awakened and realized that the fake scriptures published on the evil website were filled with perverted sexual content. I suddenly woke up, knew that I'd been deceived, and wanted to return to the cultivation path.

Deep Remorse

A few days later, a fellow practitioner urged me to return to cultivation. She had not given up on me and tried many times to give me a stick wake-up call—I hereby thank her for her efforts.

Because of my misunderstandings, I did not understand the Fa on the basis of the Fa, which cost me about five years of Fa-rectification cultivation.

The day I made up my mind to again cultivate, I resumed the exercises. I slept soundly that night, and my insomnia completely disappeared. My physical state significantly improved. I gained weight and my hair thickened. I knew Master was looking after me.

I used all my spare time to study and immerse myself into Dafa. Listening to the recordings of the practitioners' cultivation experience sharings and Master’s lectures, I often burst into tears.

I thought of the excitement I felt when I first obtained the Fa years ago. I saw in my mind when I let go of all things human and I went to Beijing to peacefully protest for the right to practice Dafa. I remembered the good and the bad, such as what I had said and done that offended Master and the Fa and the numerous mistakes I had made.

Yet Master still looked after me and bore my sins. In the face of such boundless compassion, I could find no words for the remorse I felt!

Reasons for Leaving the Cultivation Path

I came to a deep understanding of the two reasons that led me to give up Dafa:

1. My fundamental attachment was that I was stuck in this bitter world and could not find real happiness. Thus, I sought eternal relief in the Fa. The starting point was selfish. Once the need of Master’s Fa rectification did not conform to my own notions, I had doubts. Further, not understanding the Fa rationally or knowing how to cultivate genuinely, I was confused and deceived.

Now I realize that, even if I did not quite understand the Fa, I should have genuinely cultivated. Often in the process of following the Fa, we will gradually come to understand the Fa and then it will manifest. For a cultivator, rejecting and removing thought karma and arrogance is absolutely not to be taken lightly. Especially, suspicion of Master and the Fa has to be completely eliminated as soon as it manifests.

These demons intend to destroy the fundamental foundation of our lives. Indulging in them will harm oneself. We Dafa disciples followed Master by descending the universe level by level. One lifetime after another we suffered a lot so we could pave the way for human culture. It was not easy to endure until today. To treasure Master’s efforts and the preciousness of the Fa is to cherish our experiences of assisting Master in the Fa rectification.

2. Master does not harbor sentimentality, but rather takes compassionate care of His disciples. Shouldn’t we as practitioners let go of sentimentality, too? All the partisan politics, trouble-making, irresolvable gaps, and mutual dislikes come from selfishness and are caused by sentimentality.

When practitioners get together, they busy themselves sharing limited understandings rather than studying the Fa. That makes it easy to breed dependency and personal admiration. Many practitioners are very busy, but their limited time should be spent on studying the Fa, not just sharing experiences. Without the guidance of the Fa, one will not be able to recognize it when one strays from the path of cultivation.

One of the reasons why I was dragged down by the evil website and almost lost the opportunity to cultivate was the sentimentality toward other practitioners. Those parts of us that have reached the cultivation standard have been separated. Those that have not reached the standard are still immersed in sentimentality and still harboring human attachments. Not letting go of those parts will cause trouble.

Initially, I wanted to help a practitioner in tribulation, but, influenced by sentimentality, I aroused the other person's demonic nature. So the sentimentality toward fellow practitioners certainly has to be relinquished.

Master said:

“Each of your attachments could cause your cultivation to fail. Each of your attachments could result in physical issues, and lead your once-firm faith in Dafa to waver. In other words, to tell you the truth, no one intends for your cultivation to be a success and no one is giving thought to how your cultivation goes. The old forces want only to complete what they want to see completed, and that’s it. And as for those who are carrying out the specifics, inflicting harm, and playing negative roles, they want to bring you down and to ruin this affair, as they don’t know how this affair is going to conclude. Evil is just evil, after all. Master is the only one who is steering your cultivation toward consummation; Master is the only one truly doing so.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2015 West Coast Fa Conference”)

Being Responsible to Ourselves and to the Fa

On my return to cultivation, I discovered that the Fa standards had been raised and become more and more clear. If we do not cultivate, it is tantamount to knowingly violating the Fa and being irresponsible to ourselves. Being irresponsible to ourselves is being irresponsible to our sentient beings and not appreciating Master’s efforts. How grave a problem is that? How can we not take it seriously?

Remembering my frequent habit of making jokes, I now realized that I had caused distress by not cultivating my speech and thereby impeded the cultivation of both myself and others, which is extremely dangerous! It was as if I had entrapped myself. Not following Master’s requirements, it is very easy to fall into the trap of the old forces if one doesn’t correct oneself as soon as one has deviated from the cultivation path. Once in the trap, it’s not easy to get out.

In China when the persecution was at its worst, so many practitioners gave up their cultivating. It is because they were fundamentally unaware of the seriousness of cultivation and that their lives are different from those of ordinary people. A Dafa disciple in the human realm is responsible for the safety and survival of countless celestial systems.

If we can genuinely understand the Fa from the standpoint of the Fa and understand Master’s intentions, we will see that there is nothing more important in the human realm than to cultivate ourselves well and save sentient beings.

Lesson Learned to Help Fellow Practitioners Wake Up

I hope the lesson I learned can wake up other practitioners in similar situations. Don’t feel that, because you have talked or behaved badly towards Dafa and Master, Master will leave you behind or you are no longer worthy of being Master’s disciple. These are all human attachments and also an underestimation of Master’s compassion.

Master repeatedly gave chances even to the old forces, let alone former-disciples. Master asked us to study the Fa well, cultivate well, and not to go to extremes. We must not suffer unnecessary losses. If we give up cultivation, we give up the opportunity to cultivate, and we can never go home.

Suing Jiang Zemin is a significant event that gives impetus to the Fa-rectification process. I think that all Dafa disciples should participate. Those who are unsure and are fearful can remain anonymous for now. As long as we do it with a pure, selfless heart, it is effective in other dimensions, which is better than not being effective at all.

Finally, I hereby solemnly declare null and void all of my words and actions that were not in accordance with the Fa, including the ones I was forced to write against my will in the brainwashing center.

Going forward, I will be a qualified Dafa disciple, worthy of Master’s ardent expectations! I’ll always remember to be a cultivator, keeping in mind the mission and putting Master and the Fa first!