(Minghui.org) My cultivation gaps were suddenly quite obvious as soon as I woke up one morning. These problems had bothered me for a long time, and I clearly saw my long-term complacency, numbness and laziness. Although I'd identified these problems before, my strong attachment of always looking for the easy way had pulled me away from truly cultivating myself. I was stuck on my cultivation path and hadn't made much progress.
I dreamed that I climbed a mountain, but the mountain was so steep that I barely made any progress. I made several attempts to climb it, but each time I ended up falling back down to where I started. In the end, I still wasn't able to climb the mountain.
I started practicing Falun Dafa when I was in middle school. My bike was stolen one day. I needed that bike to get to school every day. My parents were angry and blamed me, and said that I was careless. However, I wasn't upset at all. I thought that I had Dafa and I could let go of anything including that bike.
After I started working, I was filled with ambition and hoped to achieve great accomplishment and make people proud. However, when I encountered hardships and tribulations, the urge to seek fame and profit faded.
After practicing for more than ten years, I realized I hadn't done the three things well and my every day life was disappointing. I remember reading an experience sharing article on Minghui.org. It said that one practitioner's wife frequently complained about him because they felt he hadn't done enough to support them. But he felt great because he had obtained Dafa, and he knew he was fulfilling his responsibilities and nothing could interfere with him.
I adopted a similar attitude. When my parents complained or I saw that my classmates and friends were successful in their careers and were becoming rich, I was not moved because I knew that I had Dafa.
I frequently dreamed that I was being hunted down and I had to flee in panic. My personal life was miserable. I then realized I had attachments of fear and of having difficulties or troubles. I avoided trying to be a good person among people in society, and used my practice of Falun Dafa to remain complacent, indifferent and lazy.
Master said,
“Some people think that Dafa is in keeping with their own understanding of science; some people think that it agrees with their own code of conduct; some people think that it speaks to their own dissatisfaction with politics; some people think that Dafa can salvage humankind’s degenerate morals; some people think that Dafa can cure their illnesses; some people think that Dafa and Master are righteous, and so on and so forth. It isn’t wrong for human beings in this world to yearn with these attachments for beautiful dreams and wishes. But a cultivator definitely shouldn’t be that way. You may start on the path of Dafa with those thoughts, yet over the course of cultivation you need to regard yourself as a cultivator. During the course of cultivation, however, through reading the books, studying the Fa, and diligently making progress, you should clearly recognize what your thoughts were when you first came to Dafa. After cultivating for a period of time, are your thoughts still the same? Are you continuing on the path because of those human attachments? If so, you cannot be counted as my disciple. It means that you haven’t gotten rid of your fundamental attachments and that you are unable to understand the Fa from the Fa. Those who have been weeded out during the evil tests that Dafa has encountered in China are all people who have not gotten rid of those attachments. At the same time, they have had a negative effect on Dafa” (“Towards Consummation” from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
After reading Master's teaching, I reflected on myself. Before I began practicing, I thought a lot about why we were here and felt that one should have a purpose in one’s life. After I obtained Dafa, I realized that Master had pointed out the true meaning of life and I did not need to seek personal gain or fame. However, in fact, I used Dafa to fit into my complacent, numb and lazy life style which was deeply imbedded in my habits.
I thought that because I avoided all challenges and hardships in my life, I had given up fame and fortune because I was a good cultivator. It was like a person who has no interest in ordinary people’s life and goes to the temple to become a monk. But he hadn't really gotten rid of all ordinary people’s thoughts, and some attachments would periodically surface. He pursues Buddhism all his life, but isn't really cultivating.
Although I recited from memory Master’s article, "The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be" several times, I still could not improve. The period of Fa rectification is close to the end, but seeking comfort and an easy life made me miss a lot of opportunities to validate Dafa and awaken people. Even though I've been involved in supporting Falun Dafa, I did not do things solidly.
One day, I went out to hang Falun Dafa banners. I wrote on them, “Falun Dafa is good! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good!” on utility poles. I later dreamed that as I walked in the countryside, I saw the words, “Falun Dafa is good!” sparkling on the pole. I knew Master was encouraging me.
I wrote this article to share my experience so that other practitioners can learn from it. We should not hesitate or pause on our path. We need to overcome all obstacles and do the three things well.
Category: Improving Oneself
