Learning the Facts about Falun Gong Pulled Me Out of Depression and Inspired Me to Walk a Path of Cultivation
(Minghui.org) I am a 59-year-old female Falun Gong practitioner. I began practicing in January 2003. To many fellow practitioners, I am still a new practitioner. However, I have undergone great changes and have gained a completely new life as a result of my Falun Gong practice over these past eight years.
1. A Truth-Clarification Brochure Led Me to Falun Gong
I led a life of suffering before discovering Falun Gong. My parents and brothers died of sickness one by one in the last decade. When I was about 50 years old, I learned that my husband had an affair and divorced him. My only child worked in another city, leaving me alone and helpless. To make it worse, I was born with illness and had to rely on medication and hospitalization during the past decades. My colleagues jokingly called me “a sick beauty.” I was thus grief-stricken, with a broken home, and my depression grew. It seemed that life took pleasure in making me suffer.
My ill fortune, however, finally turned out to be a blessing in disguise. About six months after my divorce, I developed arthritis in my shoulder. It was so tormenting that even performing the most basic functions, like eating and sleeping, became very difficult. I tried various treatments and spent a lot money to cure it, but to no avail. At that time, both my mother and brother were bedridden with paralysis and I had to take care of everything related to their livelihood. After I divorced, I lived at my mother's home. At that time, when my mother and brother were still alive, their incontinence kept me so busy that for five months I was never able to sleep with my clothes off, nor did I have any sound sleep. That, in addition to my tormenting shoulder arthritis, left me in utter depression. I prayed to the heavens and earth for help, but neither responded. I even devoutly wished that my end would come soon, cutting off my weary life that only made me suffer.
One day, while I was sobbing in the living room, I heard a noise coming from the door. I thought someone was at the door, so I sprung to my feet to see who was there. I opened the door and found no one there, but something dropped from the top frame. I picked it up and saw that it was a truth-clarification brochure about Falun Gong. As my mother and brother were sleeping, I was left with some spare time to read it.
The brochure was quite thick, more than 60 pages. It contained stories of Falun Gong practitioners. In one of the stories, a female Falun Gong practitioner told about her weary life of divorce, cancer and lingering on the edge of life and death. I sighed at her story. I had been quite certain that I was the person who had tasted the worst bitterness in this world. I never thought that there could be anyone else who experienced the same suffering. I was grievous upon reading this story, trying to hold back my tears.
My mother then woke up, saying that she was hungry. I put the brochure aside and went to cook for her. When I was in the kitchen, my shoulders and wrists hurt, which I found quite annoying. I thought: “I have been fine the whole afternoon, but now the pain starts. What did I do in the afternoon? Oh, I read the brochure.” At that time, my sister-in-law came home from work and took over my task of cooking. I then picked up the brochure and continued to read it. Several minutes later, the pain in my shoulder was gone, and I felt that my body was quite warm. When I put down the brochure and went to the toilet, however, my shoulder hurt again. I repeated putting the brochure down and picking it up several times to see how the pain varied accordingly. During the process, I thought: “Falun Gong looks truly remarkable. No wonder so many people practice it.” After that, I intentionally looked for Falun Gong materials to read. I read the Minghui Weekly even before I began to practice. Sometimes I found the materials hard to understand, but I truly liked reading them, because it made me feel good when the pain in my shoulders disappeared. That represented my understanding about Falun Gong at that time.
Soon, my shoulder arthritis disappeared and the pain in my shoulder has never come back since then. My other diseases, such as my heart disease, nerve inflammation, gastric illness, inflammation of the gall bladder and ovarian cyst were also gone. I was so fortunate that Master accepted me as his disciple and took care of me. From then on, I became a Falun Gong practitioner.
2. Casting Away the CCP Membership; Walking the Path to Return to My True Self
I had joined the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) when I was 24 years old and had been an officer in the propaganda and bureaucracy institution of the Communist Party. In my 30s, I was even appointed the secretary of the Communist Party Committee of a state-owned enterprise. During those decades, I was so preoccupied by my work that I had no time to spend with my family. The black, stale, unworthy and corrupt customs of the communist bureaucracy exhausted my energy and wore out my spirit, and I finally resigned from my post in dismay. I retired from my work when I was nearly 50 years old and started to live a normal life. In my work, I had never spared any effort to compete with and triumph over others, and enjoyed the fawning and flattering from others when I was awarded a year-end bonus and the title of “excellent employee.” The fantasy of fame enticed me to pursue personal interests, and I was quite conceited, thinking that I was leading a worthy and meaningful life.
When I found Falun Gong, I realized that all that I had pursued before was nothing more than a delusive fantasy. Had it not been for Master's compassionate salvation, I would have ended up with a pointless life.
The Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, like an apocalypse, gives people an utter revelation of the sinister and treacherous nature of the Communist Party. I read it many times. Each reading renewed and deepened my insight into the vile nature of communism--an institution that is against heaven, earth and the cosmos, whose undertakings defy the law of the universe. To me, it seems clear that the Communist Party will end up self-destructing, according to the will of heaven decreed before the dawn of history.
After Master's article “Turning the Wheel Towards the Human World” was published in 2005, practitioners in my locality went together and wrote their own statements to withdraw from the Communist Party and its affiliated organizations. When I published my statement, I felt like I had just unloaded a heavy burden from my back, and I was quite relieved. On the way home, I felt like I was floating, like a balloon, and could not help smiling. Pedestrians might have thought that I was strange if they saw my countenance of joy. To be honest, I had no idea why I was so happy at that moment. Later, a fellow practitioner who had her Celestial Eye open said she saw in another dimension that all people who had joined the Communist Party had on their backs an object shaped like a monstrous frog. Its skin was as wrinkled as tree bark. Its head was equipped with two feelers and, like a parasite to its host, it inserted the feelers into the brain of the person it took possession of and sucked their essence from them. Although I did not have the ability to see it, I had truly sensed it.
I felt I was so fortunate that I could cast the Communist Party membership away and thought that I had been so wise to have resigned from my previous post as a communist official out of my own initiative. My bravery to make that step paved my way to returning to my true self.
In previous decades I had closely followed the Communist Party without knowing what it actually was. As a result, I had lost my way home and created a huge amount of karma for myself. Had it not been for Master's timely salvation, I would have become a suffering soul confined to hell.
3. Cultivating Myself and Learning to Look Inside
My service to the CCP in those past decades had molded my mind with a stubborn imprint as strong as granite, which with time, became so subtle and natural that I even could not sense its existence. My realization and efforts to let it go were by no means easy. It was like a thorn in my side, particularly when I was with fellow practitioners. It simply surfaced, despite my efforts to press it down. Some fellow practitioners reminded me, “You should let go of your way of thinking in Party culture,” but I sometimes would be unwilling to submit to their advice and would argue with them to keep my views intact. My high self-esteem convinced me that I was always right and made me opposed to any negative opinions, and my egotism also enhanced my desire to dominate others with my views. I tended to grab every chance to demonstrate to people my virtues that I thought to be admirable, and would feel flattered when people spoke well of me. For instance, in doing projects of truth clarification, I tended to do something unique out of my conceit. When fellow practitioners reminded me, “Can you do it in a more natural manner?” I even scolded them for being envious of me.
In many cases, my eyes were like a mirror facing outward, showing me not my own deficiencies in cultivation, but the shortcomings of others and my advantages over them. A fellow practitioner was well aware of my problem and often reminded me, with particularly stinging words, when I was with fellow practitioners. I kept silent in awkwardness but complained in my mind: “Do you think of yourself better than others? You can't even sit in the lotus position to do the meditation exercise after more than a decade of practice.” My attachment to showing off and fighting and my tendency to validate myself became truly conspicuous. They grew even stronger when it was time to let them go, and I was left with no other option but to face them. Before the Beijing Olympic Games in 2008, many fellow practitioners in my locality were illegally arrested and many material production sites were closed. As a result, the supply of truth-clarification materials was interrupted. Our local coordinator asked me to resume the material supply, but out of my attachment of fear, I rejected her request with the excuse that I did not know how to use a computer or printer, letting a good opportunity for improving myself slip away.
My child had bought a computer for his school work in 2002, but I had never laid a finger on it until before the Beijing Olympic Games in 2008. To me, it was a mysterious monster beyond my perception. However, a seemingly occasional chance revived my interest in it and I made up my mind to learn how to use it. Upon such a thought, Master arranged a fellow practitioner to teach me. I learned from her how to start and shut down the computer and connect to the Internet, but before I could learn how to download from the Internet, she was arrested. Stunned by this, I decided to rely on myself and walk my own path, no matter what might be standing in my way.
Last year, I set up a material production site at my home. Throughout the whole process, from buying the necessary devices and materials to downloading, printing, uploading and distributing, I did everything all by myself. To minimize my dependence on fellow practitioners, I paid all costs from my pension. It was not easy for me, but I was graced by Master. Seeing these changes, my child said to me jokingly, “How miraculous, you can understand high technology in your 60s!” I said: “It is Dafa that unlocks my wisdom, and it is Master who gives me everything. Had it not been for Dafa, your mother would not even be here now!”
I can now do everything on my own. I can even provide some technical support to fellow practitioners, when needed. Sometimes I tutored practitioners before they became good enough to teach others. It was like a ripple effect. In several years, we set up many material production sites in my locality, and all of them could function independently.
In comparison to the problematic and unreasonable elements that I had identified in my own behavior, the suffering from xinxing conflicts when I was at odds with fellow practitioners was sometimes even more unbearable. When I sought help from them on problems that I could not solve by myself, they might say: “Are you not a woman of exceptional talent and ability? How come when you run into a problem you cannot solve it?” Some said: “We have cultivated for many years, but you for only several years. It is not possible for you to keep up with us in such a short time.” Looking upon these things as a spectator, I knew very well that they were nothing more than xinxing tests for me. In the beginning I found it hard to pass those tests and would become so grievous that I went home to cry. Through Fa study, however, my xinxing improved. When that kind of thing happened again, I could treat it as a chance to improve my xinxing. I would smile and say, “Thank you, you are again helping me.” When a fellow practitioner shouted at others, I reminded her kindly, “I think it is truly the time for you to take heed of your aggressive manner.” She immediately lowered her voice. Every practitioner wants to improve and is willing to look inside.
4. It Is the Requirement of Dafa that Practitioners Do the Three Things Well
Master has many times emphasized the importance of doing the three things well. It is the requirement that Master has of Dafa practitioners. It distinguishes a genuine cultivator from a bogus one, and how well we do it depends on the level of our cultivation. In the past several years, I have been completely dedicated to doing the three things. It has become a part of my life.
I started clarifying the facts about Falun Gong to people around me, from my family, friends and colleagues to the relatives of the people in my life. After the publication of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party and Master's article “Turning the Wheel Towards the Human World,” I took the initiative to help one of my best friends to withdraw from the CCP and its affiliated organizations. He is a secretary of the Communist Party Committee of a factory. In case he might have some misgivings, I first gave him a book of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, saying, “You can read it before we talk about withdrawing from the CCP.” To my surprise, he replied: “Let me put it aside for the time being. I will read it after I write the statement to quit the CCP. I have considered quitting it a long time ago but simply did not find any chance.” I said: “From you, I see that the days of the CCP are truly numbered. You have quit it in such haste.” Both of us burst into laughter.
One night I had a dream in which the former secretary of the Communist Party Committee of a workshop in the factory where I used to work led seven people to me and asked me to help them withdraw from the Party. In the dream, I did that for them by giving every one of them an alias. When I woke up, I thought it was a hint from Master to save them. However, most of these people had retired and it was not easy to find them. Not long after, on a seemingly coincidental occasion, a person gave me the telephone number of the secretary, so I was able to find him. Before I could talk about withdrawing from the Party in detail, his wife said promptly: “Please do it for us. My whole family has discussed this issue. All of us will quit.”
It was just as Master said, “The cultivation is up to you, gong is up to the master” (Zhuan Falun). The road is already paved, and the only thing left for us to do is to step up and take action.
For years, I have been trying my best to distribute truth-clarification materials, post informational materials, broadcast the facts about Falun Gong over the phone, and clarify the facts face to face. As for those that I failed to make understand the facts, I sent their telephone numbers to Minghui to ask for help from fellow practitioners abroad. Here is one example: One of my friends had joined the CCP-affiliated Youth League and Young Pioneers in the past. I had tried to persuade him to withdraw from these organizations for three years, but he refused, so I sent his telephone number to Minghui. A fellow practitioner from Taiwan then called him and, in only a few minutes, persuaded him to withdraw. Afterward, he told me about his talk with the practitioner, saying joyously: “A Falun Gong practitioner from Taiwan called me. He even gave me an alias!” From this, I perceived the strength of Dafa practitioners as a whole body. I thanked the fellow practitioner from Taiwan in my mind.
For so many years, in spite of my karma, I have been graced by Master and led by Master to walk the cultivation path firmly. I will closely follow Master´s teaching and do well what I should do, so that I will be able to deliver a good cultivation report to Master in the future. Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners, for having helped me so much.