(Clearwisdom.net) One day, in group Fa-study and sharing, practitioner A asked me, “You write so well, why don't you do that project?” She was referring to the project that an article from Clearwisdom mentioned. My first reaction was to defend myself, “How did you know I didn't do it? I just didn't tell you.” I spat those words out without even thinking because defending myself has become a natural instinct. Defending myself is the first layer of my human thoughts.
I felt it wasn't enough, so I spoke to practitioner B and continued my explanation, “In the past, I would share with practitioners about Dafa work that I had done, as if I was afraid that no one would know about it otherwise. Through Fa-study though, I have come to realize that this was a showoff mentality, which is the fundamental attachment to fame, others' acknowledgment, and validation of self. Currently, I have been working on removing my showoff mentality, therefore, I constantly remind myself not to tell others or show off if I have done some Dafa work.” This is the second layer of human thoughts for self-protection.
I felt it still wasn't enough, so I pondered her words, “You write so well, why don't you do it?” Was she implying that I don't do anything except write articles? Was she implying that I'm a phony? So I added to practitioner B, “Writing articles is a summary for what one has actually done.” This is the third layer of human thoughts for self-protection.
These layers of human thoughts reminded me of Master's warning,
“After falling into a world that is, by comparison, most filthy, instead of cultivating yourself to go back in a hurry, you don’t let go of those filthy things that you cling to in this filthy world, and you even agonize over the most trivial losses.”(“True Cultivation,” from Essentials For Further Advancement)
There are more examples. One day I went to another group to join their Fa study. When I arrived at the front door, a practitioner was right behind me, so I didn't close the door behind me. When I passed the living room and sat down, the hostess practitioner said to me, “Why didn't you close the door?” I explained to her immediately, “Someone was right behind me.” Perhaps she didn't hear me, so when she fetched her book from another room and returned, she asked me the same question again. Again, I explained, “Someone was right behind me.” At this time, an elderly practitioner sitting next to me said, “She will pay attention in the future.” I suddenly realized my standpoint was not on the Fa.
Master has taught,
“For a cultivator, looking within is a magical tool.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference”)
So I looked within, “Why did I have to repeatedly defend myself and explain myself for things like these? Wasn't I trying to prove that I am perfect?”
Master has said,
“Some people are always stressing that they’re right, but even if you are right, even if you’re not wrong, so what? Have you improved on the basis of the Fa? The very act of using human thinking to stress who’s right and who’s wrong is in itself wrong. That’s because you are then using the logic of ordinary people to evaluate yourself, and using that logic to make demands on others. As gods see it, for a cultivator to be right or wrong in the human world is not important in the least, whereas eliminating the attachments that come from human thinking is important, and it is precisely your managing to eliminate those attachments rooted in your human thinking as you cultivate that counts as important.” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan”)
I asked myself, “What is the attachment behind my defensive explanations?” The cause is the fear of being misunderstood and wronged. Doing it repeatedly, one can protect oneself and make sure that, “I cannot be misunderstood, wronged, or accused.” The attachment to being afraid to be misunderstood is a relatively undetectable attachment to fame, and another form of attachment to seeking acceptance, and at the same time, an attachment to not being criticized. Going deeper, it is an attachment to self and validating self, and rooted in selfishness.
We should rectify ourselves as soon as we find our human attachments. Attachments and human thoughts are developed after birth. As Dafa practitioners, we should look within to find our shortcomings and remove them. Only by doing this can one improve, as this is cultivation practice. Those words of misunderstanding and wronging us are perhaps arranged by Master to help us improve. Our improvement is the most important, and we should not be attached to whether others' words imply that we are correct or not. Regardless of what others say about us, even if it was made up, we should be able to accomplish the state of no arguing and no defending.
Because of the cocoon of human thoughts, we cannot completely let go of ourselves and melt into the Fa in doing cultivation practice. Letting go of ourselves is the process of going beyond being human, in other words, the process of becoming an enlightened being. During the process, we must look within, pay attention to human thoughts that were formed over hundreds of years. As soon as we can accept different opinions, accept things we were not willing to, and give up those stubborn human thoughts and attachments, we have learned to let go, grasped the essence of cultivation practice and naturally, released ourselves from the cocoon of human thoughts.
This concludes my limited understandings. Please kindly point out anything improper.
