(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I didn’t plan to write an experience sharing article for this Fahui, because I just wrote an article for the Fahui in January. But I decided to write this article after some thoughts were triggered by a recent group sharing. This is a reflection and review of my participation in hosting this year’s Shen Yun.
A few weeks after the Shen Yun performances ended in Sydney, I gave summary reports twice at the group Fa-study sessions, based on feedback and summaries from practitioners. I heard later that many of the practitioners did not like my summary. They felt that I was cunning, irresponsible, pushing my responsibilities onto others, and that I had found excuses for my responsibilities. I felt wronged. There were seven coordinators, so why were the complaints always about me? I felt that I did take care of my responsibilities and that I didn't push my responsibilities onto others. I don't remember complaining about other disciples not cooperating with me. Why were other practitioners not satisfied?
Since my heart was moved and I did not remain calm, I wanted to spend some time on Fa study. I needed time to reflect, calm down, and work at not jumping to conclusions. I also made a resolution to adjust my cultivation state, change the habit of going to bed late and getting up late, and try to resume doing the exercises outdoors because I had missed doing that for a long time. Master provided the arrangements for these wishes. After I started doing the exercises outdoors, I immediately experienced the feeling of “...always cultivating as if you were just starting...” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference”). I could feel Master’s encouragement and compassion. Although the practice site is along a small, quiet street near my home, a predestined person came to learn the exercises on the very first day. On the second day, while meditating, I suddenly enlightened as to why there were so many people pointing their fingers at me. This was to help me remove certain attachments, and to dissolve a large body of resentment. On the third day I met a practitioner who lived in a nearby suburb. We didn't know each other well. When she saw me she was very happy and encouraged me to establish a group practice site in the small suburb, and meet every morning. Being busy with the Shen Yun project, my daily routine for reciting the Fa had been interrupted, but I was now back on track. Once again, I express my appreciation to Master for teaching us,
“There's no shortcut in cultivation for any student, and that holds for new students too. Just cultivate steadily and solidly, and do well the three things that Dafa disciples should do.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. International Fa Conference”)
After a period of solid Fa Study and cultivation, I was able to calm myself, and I thought about the state of my cultivation while hosting Shen Yun. I was beginning to see how my many attachments and shortcomings were reflected back to me in the feedback and criticism from fellow practitioners.
First of all, I came to realize that although there were seven coordinators for hosting Sydney’s Shen Yun, I had to shoulder 99% the responsibility for anything that did not go well. As the main coordinator of the Falun Dafa Association, I did not give 100% myself, and I didn’t give my full attention to many details. Many things were done superficially. I also didn't openly share with the other coordinators to eliminate the gaps between us. When I recognized certain deviations from our proposed promotional strategies and the poor decisions being made, I didn't point them out in a timely manner or help to rectify them. Instead I choose to avoid making decisions and maintained a passive, “helpless” attitude, which left the responsibility for making decisions to the other coordinators. On the surface my intention was to harmonize the one-body by not insisting on my personal views. I was trying to avoid creating conflicts and barriers among practitioners. However, when I looked deeper, I realized I was selfishly protecting myself, I was afraid of offending others, and I wasn't being responsible to the Fa and to the duty of saving sentient beings.
The ancients had the saying, “Don’t use people you doubt, and don’t doubt people you use.” My opinions differed about how to handle group tickets and charity compared with some of the veteran practitioners who were also coordinators. Although I didn't object or have a negative opinion about what they were doing, it turns out that these apathetic thoughts were disguised as trying to harmonize the whole-body. I also didn't behave like a true cultivator because I did not try to communicate openly with the other coordinators to dissolve the gaps between us. Instead I chose to passively avoid the issue. Although we appeared to get along harmoniously, there were gaps in our hearts. What an enormous hindrance this created in other dimensions to our common goal of saving sentient beings.
When I saw certain promotional efforts that were not part of our original plan failing, I didn't help correct the situation, and this was not being responsible to the Fa. For example, a rather large number of practitioners spent a few months going door to door to over a thousand companies to promote Shen Yun. After about a month there was neither solid results nor timely follow up. I became disagreeable about using this method and formed negative thoughts about the practitioners who helped with the door to door promotion. I felt they were attached to their own “selves” and didn't want to listen to other practitioners’ viewpoints. Yet I had not let go of my own “self” and my own personal notions, nor did I proactively communicate with the coordinators to share with them or help them improve the situation. I avoided the situation and was resentful, and I was unwilling to communicate with the practitioners involved.
When I realized there were problems with the coordination this year, I adopted a passive attitude. I felt that these issues were the responsibility of other coordinators. Just like the story, "One monk will shoulder two buckets of water, two monks will share the load, but add a third and no one will want to fetch water.” It seemed that no one was actually being responsible. The group ticket promotion team split up, and each group had differing views on the right direction and strategy to follow. Independent groups formed and they all lacked communication and cooperation. They even competed with one another for human resources. I recognized the problems, but felt powerless to change the situation. I didn’t really have a responsible attitude toward the Fa, nor did I take the initiative to communicate with the participating practitioners to coordinate a strong, unified body.
A number of the coordinators said that they would shoulder the responsibility of not doing well this year, but next year they would be unwilling to take on a coordinating role. I also began to seriously consider whether I had the courage to shoulder the responsibility for this year. Perhaps I should resign from the position of main coordinator to let practitioners with better abilities take on the job. After all, in Sydney, there are many capable practitioners and also many veteran practitioners. I had been the coordinator for hosting Shen Yun for several years and I had never done a good job. Was I attached to being a coordinator? One day, while sending forth righteous thoughts, I suddenly enlightened that being a coordinator is not an attachment, nor is it about power; it is a vow that a Dafa disciple made a long time ago. Wouldn't I be breaking a vow if I were to shirk this responsibility? Can a Dafa disciple not fulfill his/her vow? When faced with the pressure of failure and blame, it would be much easier to resign and avoid it all, but would my cultivation state be upgraded? Being able to face one’s own shortcomings as well as criticism from others, and fulfilling duties and responsibilities while continuing to move forward; isn’t that what’s required in cultivation?
Once while practitioners were sharing with each other, they complained about the fact that in Sydney the coordinators hosting Shen Yun change every year, which has not given the practitioners working on the project opportunities to grow and mature. When a management structure was proposed and it was time to recruit candidates, many practitioners were asked whether they were willing to take on the job of CEO or another position. No one was willing to take on the coordination work. Someone said, "Don’t even think about asking me," and others said they were too tired and needed a rest, or that they would just perform specific tasks. I know it is very difficult to be a coordinator in Sydney. Changing people every year also showed that as the main coordinator of the Sydney Falun Dafa Association, I had failed to mobilize and organize the capable practitioners to work well as a team for Shen Yun promotion or other Dafa projects. I can understand the reasons why practitioners didn't want to take on coordination roles. They were afraid of disappointing fellow practitioners, and it is an enormous responsibility to bear if things don't go well. The position demands a person with the caliber to take on a job where large sums of money are at stake. Not only is the work pro bono, but there is also the psychological burden of a large financial liability. There were many other sacrifices such as time, work, and family. I also understand that in Sydney, everyone is afraid of being a coordinator. Facing so many capable people, there are many challenges as to why you did not do well. Or if you did do well, they would wonder if you could have done better. There are also people who seem to think nothing of quitting half way through. Certainly, if they were unavailable to finish, there should naturally be other capable people to take over. Yet in reality, there are so many difficult tasks without anyone willing to take them on. It has been my experience that standing up after a fall and continuing to shoulder responsibilities is much harder than avoiding the responsibilities after a fall has already taken place. Because it is hard, isn’t that cultivation? In the face of all this pressure and misunderstanding, am I still willing to take on responsibilities without holding a grudge or complaining? Am I willing to give of myself and devote myself fully? If no one else were to cultivate in this area , and I am the only Dafa disciple left, would I still cultivate? Would I have the courage to continue being committed to Fa-rectification and saving sentient beings?
I wrote this sharing as a reflection and summary of what I learned about myself and my cultivation state during this year’s Shen Yun project. Please allow me to quote the following to conclude my sharing with fellow practitioners from “Fa Teaching at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference,”
“…the hardships or ordeals you face, which you know to be plenty hard. They are not the hardest thing; after all, however trying hardship may be, it's over after you get through it, and at that point things are clear to you. Rather, to quietly cultivate in bleak loneliness, unable to see hope, is the hardest of all. Doing any form of cultivation entails undergoing a trial such as this and a path with such features. Only if one can persevere and continually forge ahead does it amount to true diligence. It's easy to talk about, but putting it into action is tremendously difficult. That is why it's said that always cultivating as if you were just starting will surely result in achieving your ultimate rank.”
Thank you, Master!
Thanks, fellow practitioners!
