(Clearwisdom.net) While helping expose the Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) control and persecution of innocent people using passports and visas, I have again identified my deeply hidden attachment to fear, selfish mentality, and the wrong state of looking outward.
I had heard about the need to expose the CCP’s persecution of everyday people via passports and visas. Because I also participate in media work and I had experienced having my passport extension rejected, I took it for granted that my case would be published first. However, today I finally realized that I had two issues regarding this process.
First, I have had to consider several times whether I should use my real name or not. When I heard about the news, the first thought that came to mind was: My case can be used as an example. Should I use my real name? What effect will it have if I use my real name? Would it impact my family and relatives in China? I have heard that some other practitioners have used aliases, due to having the same concern, so I felt that I should also consider this. However, I could easily see my attachment to fear and my selfish mentality. Although I obtained a foreign passport a long time ago, I still have this attachment to fear and self. I am afraid of my own personal interests being affected. I am afraid that my family in China will be impacted. I am even afraid that my orderly life overseas could be disturbed due to worrying about this. Although these thoughts have not frequently surfaced lately, I could vaguely feel them. However, when I started writing this article, these attachments stood out very clearly. Although I am aware of my deeply hidden fear and selfishness, this is another opportunity for me to eliminate them. Additionally, other thoughts have been generated by my attachment to fear and selfishness. If I do something overseas, my family in China might be affected; if my relatives are impacted temporarily, it would be worth it for their lives, etc. The premise for all of these thoughts is in fact willingly accepting and “pursuing” the evil persecution. Deep in my mind, I was still thinking this was inevitable due to the persecution. Then, based on the premise of accepting the persecution, I tried to figure out how to break away from it. I didn't truly understand this from the Fa's perspective with a clear mind and without any loopholes. It is obvious that I still have shortcomings in understanding the requirements for Dafa disciples during the Fa-rectification period on both theoretical and practical levels.
Secondly, the practitioners from other media projects considered my case a while ago. I also thought that my case would be published early on, but it was delayed for several weeks. At the beginning, I thought that this might be because of their busy schedules or because they had their own publication plan. Therefore, even though I reminded them verbally and also summarized my experience in writing and sent it to them, it was still delayed. For the past several days, I have been thinking that the delay was due to others’ issues, and that I had done what I needed to do. I finally realized today that I should have been looking inward to see if any of my attachments had caused the delay. I have become so used to looking outward that I forgot to look inward. I felt that lately I had tried my best to correct it, but looking back, I know I still have a long way to go.
This is merely my personal understanding. Although while writing this article, my showoff and self-fulfilling mentality surfaced every now and then, and I lost a portion of the article towards the end due to having to reboot the computer, I continued writing and finished the article. Please point out anything inappropriate.
