(Clearwisdom.net) For a long time I have had a strong attachment to saving face and have not paid attention to getting rid of it. I didn't even regard it as a bad attachment to have. I just gave in to it and let it control me. Recently, because of this and other of my attachments, I went off course. I don't want to raise specific examples here, I just want to dig deeply into this attachment to saving face and disintegrate it at its root.
One manifestation of my attachment to saving face is that I pay particular attention to relationships with others when I do things. I fear letting others down and would rather suffer than have others think or speak poorly of me. It seems as if I have lived for this my whole life. I even have this attachment in getting along with my relatives. I expend a lot of effort on behalf of my relatives, not for altruistic reasons but, rather, to preserve my reputation. With other people I expend even more effort for the same reason. It is the first thing I think of and treat as the most important. It also manifests in what I say and do. I want to be perceived as cultured and refined, but, in reality, what I really fear is losing face. I pay particular attention to my attire and make-up. I fear that people will look down on me and find me unworthy.
The attachment to saving face is much like pursuing fame. Both originate in qing, and qing is selfish. The self-centered nature of qing permeates the attachment to reputation. For someone who is attached to prestige, the starting point in tackling a problem centers on oneself and is selfish in nature. It is born out of saving face and centers around one's own feelings, rather than taking into consideration the feelings of others. One is not sincere with regard to other people's wellbeing and is merely interested in having others say that one is good. At this point one has deviated far from the principles of the universe, Truthfulness-Benevolence-Forbearance. It is an extremely selfish motive. The purpose is to burnish one's reputation. I think to a certain extent the mentality of saving face in China originates from the evil Party's slogan of being "great, glorious, and correct." This slogan is false in nature, exaggerated, and empty. I think that part of this attachment originates from the introverted nature of the Chinese personality. This mentality of saving face, perhaps, is not as strong in people that have lived overseas for a long time. They are normally more forthright and sincere.
The attachment to saving face has been a big obstacle in my cultivation. Because I am attached to my reputation, I present myself as elegant and dignified. Colleagues generally see me as a good person. I try my best to get along with other practitioners and preserve a harmonious atmosphere. I rarely get into direct conflicts with other practitioners. For a long time I have not recognized the seriousness of this attachment. Now I realize that a practitioner with this kind of attachment is deceiving other practitioners and ordinary people alike. Without the attachment to saving face, a practitioner will come across as authentic and transparent, and both good and bad phenomena will be apparent on the surface. Practitioners and other people won't get the wrong impression.
One deceives oneself with the attachment to saving face, making it difficult for one to see his own shortcomings on the surface. One might even think that one is still doing quite well. Neither he nor others can see his problems. He uses slick and cunning methods to conceal this attachment, thereby effectively sealing himself off. And the person with this attachment is very fragile—he can't abide any negative comment, which is a serious obstacle to looking within.
So why is there such a strong attachment to reputation and fame? It comes out of a desire to be valued by others and to be affirmed by everyone. It conceals all kinds of fears, such as the fear of having conflicts with others and the fear that others will look down upon them. So in order to get others' approval, they don't directly express what they are really about, but rather utilize sly methods to preserve superficial harmony and to protect their image. The result is that they avoid conflicts. They fear touching their attachments and don't want to remove them. They want to cultivate in a tranquil environment and be comfortable. So you could say that, to a certain extent, because of this attachment, they attempt to change the circumstances that they are faced with and don't follow the natural course of things. They use human ways to resolve conflicts. Of course, they can't change big things but they do manage to increase their attachments.
When a practitioner has this kind of attachment when doing the three things during Fa-rectification, it is easy to develop other attachments, such as showing off, zealotry, vanity, the attachment to doing things, and the ambition to accomplish great things. He is attached to the approval of others, to not letting other people speak, to validating himself, etc. This need to save face can become an umbrella of various human attachments, under which the attachments exist, are protected, and multiply. The goal is then to affirm oneself, rather than Dafa, when doing the three things with such strong attachments. It is a big problem in cultivation.
I have written this article from my own understanding of this strong attachment to saving face. I will pay attention to this attachment and remove it during the course of my cultivation.
