Jealousy Was Blocking My Cultivation Path for a Long Time

(Clearwisdom.net)

The following are my understandings about jealousy.

I am a Western practitioner. I first read Zhuan Falun in 2006, and I started to practice. At the beginning I was basically just cultivating alone; there was another practitioner, but he started to cultivate in the same year, so our understandings were very shallow, and we ran into many difficulties. Since then during my cultivation, a few times I truly doubted that I could keep up my cultivation. For a long time I was quite passive and always looked outward, but compassionate Master didn't give up on me. Gradually, through Fa study and through the hints Master gave me, I was able to become diligent in my cultivation, and I started to look inside whenever problems arose.

Right now I am working in another country. It is a small island and there are only two of us practicing here. For a long time I held onto a certain kind of view and thinking: Practitioners in China had such a good environment for years–many of them attended Master's lectures in person, and they had large group exercise sites and group Fa studies. It was easy for them, and they could make rapid progress in their cultivation. But me, on the other hand, I was alone from the beginning, and even now, we still don't have a large group, we still can't make solid progress, our cultivation environment is also not the best, and maybe our predestined relationships are not that strong. How can we practice properly like this, and how can we make things happen?

Masters words helped me to become clear about a huge attachment hiding deep inside me.

“A wicked person is born of jealousy. Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.” (“Realms,” Essentials for Further Advancement)

I was actually very jealous of other practitioners. I was jealous of their cultivation environment and their predestined relationship to attend Master's teachings in person, and I was always complaining about the unfairness of this and that. I failed to realize that Master gave me this environment to truly improve and to enable me to build up my mighty virtue. Through the effort, it was shown that I of course do have a strong predestined relationship, and I became the coordinator of my area. I was also quite attached to seeking comfort in my cultivation, and was unwilling to change my attitude. As a result, my environment did not change.

When I realized these attachments, including jealousy, and I started to let them go, I truly felt that a huge black and heavy substance was removed from my body. I felt a huge sense of relief. I continued to look inside and discovered more shortcomings in this area as I examined myself further with the Fa principles. Master wrote in Zhuan Falun,

“'I got a hundred! I got a hundred!' The kid runs home from school yelling. Before one of his neighbors opens his door, he begins to fume in his home, 'What’s the big deal? It’s just a hundred. What’s he got to brag about! Who hasn’t gotten a hundred before?' These two different ways of thinking bring about different results. So that can stir up jealousy, and people then get upset when something good happens to other people, instead of being happy for them.”

I realized that often I was also acting like this. Whenever something good happened to others near me, even though I didn't get really upset, I wasn't happy for them, either, and I often felt uneasy in my heart. That was even the case when other practitioners told me about their improvements in cultivation.

Then I truly started to think about one thing that helped me to further let go of this attachment. I was thinking, Okay, so now I know that I am jealous, but what does it mean exactly? It means I desire other people's happiness and success. I desire their things, but what for? If I want their things and if I were to get their things, where would I go? Those are not my things, they don't belong to me, they are of no use to me. Those are their things, those are the things that, if they cultivate successfully, they will use in their own worlds. I have to cultivate my own things and take my own things back home. I don't need other people's things. Master also said,

“The logic seems right—everybody is being treated the same. But how could they be the same?” (Zhuan Falun)

From these words I realized deeper that each practitioner is different, and Master arranges everything the best for each practitioner individually. If we are jealous of others' things, it means that we don't want our own things, and we refuse Master's benevolent arrangements. We refuse our own true path which leads us home.

After I thoroughly measured myself with the standards of the Fa, and truly, thoroughly started to get rid of jelaousy, my cultivation state improved rapidly, and my environment also improved. I also openly admitted my shortcoming to fellow practitioners because I am the coordinator of a certain area and Master told us in Essentials for Further Advancement how we should provide assistance:

“If you have done something wrong, you should sincerely tell the students, 'I, too, am a cultivator just as you are, so it’s inevitable that I’ll make mistakes in my work. Now that I’ve made a mistake, let’s do what’s right.'“ (“How to Provide Assistance,” Essentials for Further Advancement)

I know that I have not gotten rid of my jealousy completely, and it still surfaces sometimes, but every time it surfaces, I pause for a minute and try to cultivate it away by strengthening my mind with righteous thoughts, based on the Fa.

These are my limited understandings at my present level. Please point out anything that falls short of the standard of the Fa.