(Clearwisdom.net) The following is my cultivation experience from the aspect of doing technical work.
Getting Rid of the Attachment of Fear in Doing Technical Work
I have been a timid person since childhood and the fact that I was reported to authorities by someone for handing out informational materials about Falun Dafa has been stuck in my mind. A few years ago, because of my attachment to fear, every time I came back from doing some projects, I often felt exhausted. At that time I was afraid of making phone calls, buying supplies at the computer store, or going to practitioners' homes. Because I had attachments, the evil caused many illusions, such as feeling as if my computer had unknown software installed by others or having police officers chasing after me in my dreams. Because of my attachments, sometimes I behaved abnormally, causing practitioners to suspect that I was an agent of the CCP (Chinese Communist Party).
The attachment of fear has tormented me for a while. Sometimes I would think: "What am I afraid of?" I later came to realize that I was mainly afraid of writing a guarantee statement or selling out other practitioners under torture. The attachment of fear came down to me not being steadfast within the Fa.
Thinking back, my attachment of fear was eliminated little by little. When I was interfered with by this attachment, sometimes I thought to myself: "As a practitioner, I must do what a practitioner should do." Probably because of this little bit of righteous thoughts, I was able to make it to this day.
Breaking Through Family Trials
My technical work includes installing operating systems, teaching others how to use the computer, purchasing equipment, etc. I often ended up going out early and coming home late. My wife was not happy about it and sometimes she became upset with me.
Because my xinxing did not improve enough amidst the family trials, last summer a war finally broke out. My wife wrote me a letter saying that she wanted a divorce. She also went to her mother's house for the holidays. I went there to pick her up and upon seeing my kind actions, her attitude became a little bit better and our conflicts were temporarily mitigated. However, because I wasn't able to completely pass this trial, my cultivation state went downhill and as a result, I could not stay diligent. Fellow practitioners also reminded me: "When a conflict arises, it is for improving your xinxing. Your wife didn't really want to divorce you." I began to look inside, realizing that I was afraid of divorce because I didn't want to lose my family and I was still dependent on my wife. I also felt that divorce would make me look bad in front of others, which revealed that I still had a strong attachment to fame.
Not until two or three months ago did I come to realize that as a practitioner, one should not propose divorce. However, one should not have the attachment of fearing divorce and should not allow the old forces to take advantage of a practitioner's kindness and interfere with us, so as to have one's spouse create karma. I was thinking about what Teacher said:
"When a tribulation arrives, if you, a disciple, can truly maintain an unshakable calm or be determined to meet different requirements at different levels, this should be sufficient for you to pass the test. If it continues endlessly and if there do not exist other problems in your xinxing or conduct, it must be that the evil demons are capitalizing on the weak spots caused by your lack of control. After all, a cultivator is not an ordinary human. So why doesn’t the side of you that is your original nature rectify the Fa?" (“Expounding on the Fa” from Essentials for Further Advancement)
One Sunday, I came home at 7:00 p.m.. My wife said to me, "You are never at home. Our life can't go on like this. What do you want to choose? Getting divorced through negotiation or by going to court?" I said to her, "I do my own things outside and they do not impact our family. Whatever you want to do is up to you. Please stop bringing this up." Afterwards I said to my ten-year-old daughter, who is also a practitioner, "Your mom always talks like this. Can you reason things out with her?" She replied, "I'll talk to her after she calms down." During the next two days my wife and I didn't talk to each other. She felt funny talking to me and I didn't talk to her because I didn't want her to continue behaving like she had been. The next day she began talking to me as if nothing had happened. From then on she never mentioned divorce to me again.
Seriously Using Dafa Resources
When doing technical work and acting as a coordinator, one has to purchase things and thus use money. A few things that I have experienced made me realize the seriousness of using Dafa resources.
Causing Misunderstanding by Mixing My Own Money with the Money Belonging to the Materials Production Center
There was a time when money from the materials production center and my own money became mixed together. At the time, I thought that since I was donating money and what I had put in surely would be more than what I'd spend, not to mention it being troublesome to keep the two separate, that it was OK to mix them together. After a while, a practitioner said that I did not return their 5,000 yuan. A few days later, another practitioner said that I did not return their 20,000 yuan either. I thought to myself: I can afford 5,000 yuan, but 20,000 yuan is a lot of money! Later on, both of them remembered what happened and told me that I had actually returned the money.
I enlightened that the reason why these two incidents happened was because I didn't separate the money. From then on, I always kept the money separate.
A Cellular Phone Lost
One time, a practitioner from another province gave me a cell phone, asking me to look into whether I could use it to send group messages. After I tried, I realized that it didn't work. Then this practitioner told me to keep the phone. I thought that since it couldn't be used for sending out group messages, I might as well keep it for my own use. Soon after that, I was in a cab and fell asleep. After I woke up and got out of the cab, I realized that I had lost the cell phone. I was very worried because people told me that they would call me on this cell phone the next day and I would lose contact with them.
Learning from this incident, I realized that because I did not do well, I was interfered with by the old forces, which has also brought damage to the Fa rectification. From then on I have been more strict with myself when spending money. Now I pay for the equipment that I personally use, as well as expenses used for commuting.
Items Stolen at Home
One time, I used some of the money that a practitioner donated to buy a wireless Ethernet card for Internet access for another practitioner. Due to my sentimentality, hearing that her boss laid her off made me worried about how she was going to make a living, and I did not accept the money that she offered to pay for the card. A few days later, a thief broke into my house and stole cash and a few other items which amounted to the same value as that Ethernet card.
At the time I didn't think that it had to do with how I had spent the money. Afterwards I went to the Fa-study group and shared the story with other practitioners. One practitioner asked me, "Did you run into any issues in using money lately?" I suddenly enlightened that I did not have the right to use Dafa resources for that purpose. As a practitioner, one should pay for those things out of one's own pocket. The practitioner also told me, "Since you have enlightened to it, you should take action on it. If you don't do it, you could be easily interfered with again." Before I felt too shy to ask for payment from other practitioners, now I tell them how much they have to pay right away.
Through a few lessons I came to enlighten to the seriousness of using money. Teacher has said:
"I know we have had problems with the management of funds for some projects and in some places. I don't want to get into that, though. If there is a problem with you in this regard, it seems to me that you don't want to cultivate anymore. All the gods are watching you. If a cultivator has this problem, it is terribly serious."
(Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles)
Teacher Opening Up My Wisdom, Making Breakthroughs in Learning Technology
During the process of my learning about technology, I truly came to feel the miraculousness of Dafa. Even though I'm close to 40 years old, my ability to study is stronger than when I was in school. As long as I studied the Fa well, I picked up the technology that I needed to acquire very easily. I have now truly come to feel that the improvement in my skills, as well as my cultivation state, go hand in hand. During that period of time, if I passed xinxing tests well, or if my xinxing improved rapidly, then I'd end up learning new technology very fast. Teacher said:
"So in other words, whichever field you might be in, when you are able to improve your skills, that is a reflection of your having continually risen in realm. And people can see that you are a good person and someone who cultivates his or her heart and mind. From the vantage point of human beings, you are becoming a good person. As a result of studying the Fa and cultivating your inner self, you do better and better, and gods give you the wisdom you deserve and give you inspiration so that you can come to realize a lot of things while you study, create better things, improve your technique, and reach beyond."
("Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles")
Recently, Teacher opened up my wisdom and my technical skills improved a lot. A few months ago practitioners asked me to be responsible for the production of self-adhesive posters. Through this, my typesetting skills were improved. By studying articles on news production posted at the Minghui website, my writing ability improved as well. I remembered Teacher's poem:
Brilliant are the articles your sharp pens craft
Powerful are their words, rich their sentences
The body of science is riddled with holes
The evil Party is stripped bare of all its garbs
(“Reading My Students’ Articles” from Hong Yin II)
Now in terms of preparing the content for the posters, I was following the professional way of writing news. I was trying to use precise, peaceful words with dignity to explain the facts about Falun Dafa, to expose and shock the evil and to save sentient beings. When practitioners saw what I wrote, they were very satisfied as well.
While doing technical work, it's also very easy to develop the attachment of doing things, the show-off mentality etc. When faced with fellow practitioners' compliments, I needed to have good control over myself. Teacher said:
"Fa-rectification required your wisdom to reach that point, so you definitely shouldn't think that you're so capable. Some practitioners want me to check out their abilities and skills. But actually, what I think is, all of that was given by me, so there's no need to look."
("Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference")
I often recalled this paragraph and reminded myself: "All my abilities are provided by Teacher. The reason I am able to do these things is because of Teacher's saving grace. Teacher provides us with the opportunity to save sentient beings and validate the Fa. For one to be able to assist Teacher in rectifying the Fa is an everlasting honor for a practitioner. As a practitioner, I will seize this precious opportunity, cultivate myself solidly and not let down Teacher's saving grace.
While doing technical work, it is easy for one to develop the attachment to the technology itself. A few days ago, one practitioner asked me, "A practitioner who works on technical things can easily become attached to the technology itself. Do you find yourself having the same problem?" I did have problems, I thought. Sometimes while I was installing an operating system on a practitioner's machine, I didn't know what to do when running into problems. Practitioners told me that I should handle the technical problems with righteous thoughts. During these few days while I was writing this article, I happened to read the compiled articles entitled, "Technical Problems and Cultivation" on the Minghui website. I felt that since I had been influenced by empirical science, I had been handling issues with a human heart rather than using my righteous thoughts. I needed to improve in this regard quickly.
Improving Xinxing While Working with Other Practitioners
About a year and a half ago, I was working with another practitioner on a project. I was the leader of the project and the other practitioner always had different opinions than I did. For example, I wanted to spend time to make the product more precise, whereas she always wanted to save some time, so therefore, we had arguments. Later on there were a few times she missed our Fa-study. When other practitioners pointed it out to her, she argued with them and I criticized her seriously. At that time, I had thought it would benefit her to hear a few other things that I thought she was doing, which were not in harmony with the Fa. I not only told her, but also shared my opinion with others. As a result, our conflict became much more intense, which has interfered with our cooperation. Later on, other practitioners said that it was because I made a habit of forcing my opinions onto others and was trying to prove myself.
In the summer of 2010, I ran into a conflict with another practitioner. While on the bus I kept thinking negative thoughts about her, even though I was trying to dispel them and thought to myself: "It must be my own problem!" After I got off the bus, I suddenly enlightened: "If I don't like her, doesn't it mean that I behaved the same as she did? Otherwise how could I not like her? How could I feel that I was better than she was? At the time, I felt as if a knot was opened up and I became clear-minded. From then on, whenever I had negative opinions towards other practitioners again, I could quickly adjust myself.
Now, I feel that when practitioners are together, our cooperation is very important. Teacher said:
"As you know, this cosmos is incredibly vast. Because of the Fa-rectification the Three Realms was created, and because of the Fa-rectification the human society was created, so high-level beings from many colossal firmaments came here in the past. At that time they didn't come in large numbers and they were of a representative nature, coming in different time periods to cooperate and do these final things. What this means is, a large portion of the Dafa disciples came with those cosmic bodies, and everybody formed karmic relationships. Once you've reached Consummation and returned it'll be almost impossible for you to see each other again, even if you want to. So, you should treasure this part of your karmic relationship. And what's more, those karmic relationships of yours have been intertwined with each other, and different karmic relationships were formed over every lifetime--it hasn't been easy. So, cooperate well when you do things. Each Dafa disciple's thing is everybody else's. Don't create distance and disharmony between each other over some little, trivial thing. You can't do that, and you should treasure all this. And also, you need to cooperate in Dafa things, and you should do a good job of cooperating."
("Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference")
Some male practitioners around me are technicians or mechanics. Some female practitioners do things very carefully, some provide housing, and some drive to help transport things. We have worked together on a few projects. One time after Fa-study, a male practitioner was welding something while two other female practitioners and I were assisting him. After the two female practitioners left, I said to the male practitioner: "When we were assisting you, it made your work a little bit quicker." He replied: "You were not assisting me, instead, we all worked with each other." I also understood that we were working with each other, however, because of my attachments, including flattering this male practitioner, I used "assisting" rather than "working together". After he said that, right away, I felt the difference between this practitioner and myself.
Afterwards, I told this male practitioner that we came to realize that the techniques we learn in human society are for validating the Fa later on. Since the persecution happened, we need to use those skills to save sentient beings and create history. Teacher said:
"The path a Dafa disciple takes is a glorious history, and this history has to be created by his own enlightening."
("Path" from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
Postscript: While I was writing this letter, I was thinking: "Writing other articles is different. Why do I feel unsure in writing an experience sharing article? This also comes down to my notions and lacking righteous thoughts. Maybe this article was already done in another dimension and all I needed to do was to put the heart into it to have it manifest in this dimension. With this mindset, I was sitting in front of my computer and the writing went very well.
