(Clearwisdon.net) After coming back from prison in October, 2004, the old forces made many arrangements and interfered with my economic situation, my living environment, my family and the gulf between me and fellow practitioners.
I once heard that a Falun Gong practitioner living in a nearby rural area was illegally arrested so I immediately went out to collect evidence of persecution. I sorted through the material I'd collected after coming back home at 10p.m.. The next day, in order to expose the persecution and to help to quickly rescue the fellow practitioner, I went to three different places but was unable to connect with any practitioners able to upload the materials to the Internet.
Along the way, the practitioners I did encounter refused to take any of the materials. I began to cry while asking Master for help. All kinds of human mentalities arose. I was tired, felt unfairly treated and held grievances, anxiety, hatred and other mentalities. All of these were intertwined together. But then I remembered that when we get into trouble, we should look inward. A thought emerged in my heart. Why did fellow practitioners refuse to do such important things? Should I look into my own heart?
Through Fa study and looking inward, I finally found the mentality of fear hidden deeply within. I believed that if I started a materials production site, that it would be the target of persecution, so I thought that I needed to pay attention to safety before getting one set up for myself. I should be well-prepared. The old forces saw my selfishness so they used all kinds of methods to stop me from establishing a material site, even though I knew it was needed and fully intended to do so.
This time, I looked inward. I begged Master to help me. I am Master's disciple and I only follow the path which has been arranged by Master! I begged Master to strengthen me and to help me. In this way, my materials production site finally became a reality in 2008.
I also want to talk about eliminating the attachments of anxiety and selfishness. In this project, I encountered many practitioners at different levels and the experience helped me improve a lot.
For example, when I met practitioners who were old, uneducated, slow and hard to teach, my anxiety immediately emerged. But once my anxiety emerged, demons would hastily interfere.
Sometimes I taught them hand in hand, step by step, to help them memorize what they needed to do. But after repeating the same thing several times, they still could not understand. They did not even know what others were talking about. In such moments as these, I could not hold myself back. My volume went up and my tone was no longer peaceful. Sometimes I blamed the fellow practitioners for not being in the Fa and criticized them. All of these critical judgments hurt them a lot. I knew I was not right by doing so and apologized to them. I knew that I had to get rid of this kind of demon-nature, so I looked inward and found that besides anxiety, I also had a strong attachment to myself. But this attachment was not me and I had to eliminate this demon-nature and these bad thoughts. Besides studying the Fa and sending forth righteous thoughts more intensely, I begged Master to help me eliminate this demon-nature. I required of myself to keep a low profile while cultivating and while communicating with fellow practitioners, to look at their merits, and to check more on my attachments and to improve myself quickly.
It became necessary for me to learn how to install computer systems. When I asked Practitioner A to teach me. She said that she had taught several practitioners, but that no one had actually acquired the skills. However, I did not give up my motivation to learn. I tried several times to persuade her to teach me, but failed. Once, I contacted Practitioner B and found out that he needed to install systems for his computer. Practitioner A went to his home with Practitioner C. I also went there. Upon arrival at Practitioner B's home, Practitioner A said to Practitioner C, “You do it and I will supervise you.” At that time, my attachment to jealousy emerged so strongly that I thought, “I have talked to you so many times about learning how to install computer systems, and you refuse every time. And today, you do not teach me but you even teach Practitioner C in front of me.” I felt it was so unfair. After I got home, I found my strong attachment to jealousy. Exposing my attachment was a good thing and I needed to remove it right away. After I removed jealousy at these different levels, the situation changed. Practitioner A brought me the organized materials about how to install systems and taught me all the detailed procedures patiently.
Please point out anything incorrect in my understanding. Thank you.
