Digging Out My Fundamental Attachment and Finally Becoming Serious about Cultivation
(Clearwisdom.net) One day, I felt so tired, as if I had run several miles. At home, I could not sit or stand and I felt very uncomfortable. I knew that nothing happens to practitioners without a reason. As a practitioner, I should study the Fa and look inward. I sent forth righteous thoughts and studied one lecture in Zhuan Falun. Master said:
“If you hold various attachments and come to gain supernormal abilities, have illnesses cured, listen to some theories, or come with some ill intentions, that will not work at all.” (Zhuan Falun)
Did I still have some attachments that I had not identified? When I looked inward, I found that I wanted to use Dafa to have my illnesses cured and remain healthy.
I was a sophomore in high school when I obtained the Fa. I felt a lot of pressure at school and really wanted to find something that could keep me healthy. My father had suffered from many illnesses for years, but when he obtained the Fa, all his illnesses miraculously disappeared. My father asked me to study the Fa with him, but I did not realize how important it was to truly look inward and examine ourselves, nor did I really wish to be diligent in my practice. I seldom studied the Fa and just did the exercises. Nevertheless, Master was still taking care of me and I experienced many miracles. My physical condition became much better, I no longer easily caught a cold, and my legs did not hurt any more. Moreover, I let go of my attachment to doing well on the university entrance exam, and I was admitted to a good university.
I began to feel that I was better than others, not realizing that I had only benefited because of practicing Dafa. I slacked off in my cultivation and because things were going so smoothly, I began to value my own opinion instead of remembering to be considerate of others. During my college years, I acted like an ordinary person. However, my physical condition was still very good, and my roommates were surprised that I was never ill. My attachment to getting healed remained hidden and because I seldom looked inward, I didn't eliminate it.
As this attachment was in my mind, my cultivation state was not stable and my righteous thoughts were not strong. When I started work, I did not tell my colleagues about the physical changes I had experienced since I obtained the Fa. Instead, I felt complacent whenever I was praised for my good health. The mentality of showing off, the attachment of being too engrossed, and the attachment of competitiveness were exposed. I was not diligent in doing the three things. Only when I was eliminating sickness karma, did I try hard to diligently study the Fa and do the exercises. When I became comfortable again, I slacked off in the practice. I was too concerned about what others thought of me, and had unconsciously developed the attachment of fear, fame and personal gain.
I did not completely eliminate the attachment which was hidden for a long time, and felt very ashamed when I read Master's words, “I have been responsible to society and practitioners” (Zhuan Falun). I deeply felt that Master is always with us and gives us hints whenever we need to improve. As long as we are resolute and wish to get rid of attachments, all the discomfort will disappear. I had studied this before, but now finally enlightened to it.
Practitioners should not be selfish, as selfishness is the characteristic of the old universe, and blocks us from stepping into the new cosmos. Only by eliminating all the old force factors and by looking inward unconditionally, can we be genuine practitioners.
Please point out anything inappropriate in my understanding.