(Clearwisdom.net) This afternoon I reviewed my process of cultivation. I had a feeling that something was wrong but didn't know what it was. I examined my thoughts all the way to the root and realized that every single thought was about myself. My thoughts were not focused on Fa-rectification, but instead were set on validating myself. This was a shocking revelation to me.
In the past, I thought I cultivated very well, and I have been very busy. Even in the eyes of fellow practitioners, I am very diligent. I always share cultivation experiences and have been coordinating local activities. I am technically strong and have been producing truth-clarifying materials. Today, however, I realized that my intention to assist Master with Fa-rectification was not pure.
For example, Practitioner A said that Practitioner B had asked her to send forth righteous thoughts to help her overcome some health tribulations. I complained right away, saying that we were already very busy with other things. In addition, I remembered that Practitioner B had not offered to help us in the past when we really needed help - so how could she ask for help from us now?
On my way home, I gradually calmed down and looked inward. I found attachments of being afraid of trouble, of blaming others, and of looking down upon others. I am also impatient and feel that I am superior. I always felt that I cultivated better than others and had proven myself more. For example, I thought to myself that I had not seen Practitioner C for a long time, and it was time to encourage her to be diligent. Deep in my heart, however, I was validating myself.
I realized that it is truly selfish to try to validate myself. This attachment was hidden and hard to find. It is a distorted notion. If we do not get rid of our human notions, this will bring difficulty to our cultivation and create conflicts among practitioners.
Please point out anything improper.
Category: Improving Oneself
