(Clearwisdom.net)
Continued from Part 1: http://www.clearwisdom.net/html/articles/2011/12/19/130217.html
In May 2005, my husband felt the money he earned at work was not enough and proposed to look elsewhere for a better paying job. I told him, “If you want to, you can go away for better work. If you don't want to go, don't force yourself to go.” In my heart I was very happy that I would finally be able to do Dafa related work. But when he came back from work that night, he had changed his mind and decided not to change jobs. I immediately thought of Master's words,
Master said:
“The desire to show off plus the attachment of zealotry are most easily exploited by the demonic part of your mind.” (“Definitive Conclusion” in Essentials for Further Advancement)
I had been taken advantage of by my attachments and I had learned the lesson. After that, I kept alert and was no longer taken advantage of by the attachment of zealotry. By studying the Fa it took a month before I’d really let go of my attachment. Then my husband's boss asked my husband to reconsider his offer. Because his boss was very sincere, it was hard for my husband to turn him down, so in the end he went away to work.
The first thing I did was buy a computer. I asked my sister for help and she told me that Practitioner A planned to come to my local area in the summer. Summer came, but because they were busy, they could not make it. At that time I felt it was too difficult to learn how to use a computer. I realized that maybe my cultivation status hadn't reached a certain level and I was also anxious. I thought I could start learning how to type. When I had time, I practiced typing words on the computer by reciting the poems from Hong Yin.
One very hot afternoon in July, I saw two people walking toward me from 100 meters away. I suddenly realized they were Practitioner A and his wife. I immediately called out to them and told them about my situation. Practitioner A was glad to help me, as he had some spare time for a few days.
I cried and thanked Master again and again in my heart. I knew Master saw my difficulties and guided the practitioners to come and help me learn. Over two days Practitioner A taught me how to install the computer system and the young practitioner at my home how to explore the Minghui/Clearwisdom website, download articles, and use a flash drive. (The practitioner had learned some computer skills at school and was a much faster learner than me). Then Practitioner A shared his experience on producing good truth-clarifying materials and how to pay attention to safety on the Internet. Practitioner A also brought an ink printer when he came, since he also wanted to establish a material site at our local area. After I was competent, Practitioner A left me his phone number and went home. After that, every time I had problems with the computer, I used the telephone card to call him. I also brought the young practitioner with me. One of us would talk to Practitioner A over the phone while the other one wrote it down. It was very cold in our area in October, and when we had too many things to write down, our hands were too frozen to write anymore. From 2005 to 2008, Practitioner A came to our local area every winter or summer to teach us the techniques. In the summer of 2006, I learned how to install the new computer system. Practitioner A had a clear understanding of the Fa. He spoke kindly. His face always looked pure and peaceful. Every time he came, I not only improved my technical skills, but also greatly improved my xinxing. For example, I realized I had a strong competitive mentality, and gradually got rid of it by cultivating.
Looking Inward on the Fa and Becoming Mature and Rational During Tribulations
In September 2005, the printer malfunctioned. Practitioner A told me on the phone that the printer was old and it could not be fixed.. I thought I should not wait like this forever, so I asked another practitioner who’d sent materials to us before for help. She introduced B to us (B has since gone astray, so I cannot call him a practitioner here) and said B was working on a truth-clarifying material production site. B was a little famous in my local area. He went to Beijing to appeal for Dafa and was illegally sentenced. When he was released, he started to produce truth-clarifying materials. He was recently detained at the detention center and escaped with righteous thoughts. He sold his house and used the money to produce materials. He was admired by some of the practitioners in my local area. I was very happy and thought I would not have to worry about producing materials. But things did not go like I initially thought. It became harder and harder after I met B.
I gave B 2,500 yuan to buy a 3110-laser printer/copier. I did not know what kind of printer to buy at that time. B said that model was fast, so I bought it. Actually the manufacturer had already stopped producing this model since the paper jammed easily. I realized B did not have computer knowledge--he just knew how to copy. When the computer and printer had problems, he called Practitioner C in the adjacent city to help. B knew Practitioner C from the forced labor camp. B had a bad temper and often criticized certain coordinators when they did something wrong or did not cooperate with him. I also told B directly, “Practitioners should follow Compassion. You are even worse than an everyday person.” From sharing experiences, I knew that B was a bully before he started to practice Falun Gong. I thought that it was not easy for people like him to choose cultivation and he was also persecuted for a few years and did not study the Fa well. I knew I should improve my compassion, and I urged him to study the Fa, practice the exercise, and send forth righteous thoughts.
B asked me to produce 100 items weekly for my city. I was scared and told him I could not take on such a big responsibility, that I just wanted to produce truth-clarifying materials for my local area. B got angry and said, “I thought you had a clear understanding of the Fa, so I let you do it. Where are your righteous thoughts? If I studied the Fa as much as you do, I’d already have become a god.” I’d never dealt with a practitioner like him. I also realized that B's xinxing was not high enough to produce truth-clarifying materials. But if I did not deal with him, I could not get in contact with Practitioner C, and no one could fix the printer if it broke. I really didn't know what to do. I thought since I was doing Dafa related work, I would just do it.
Every time B came to my place, he either criticized this or complained about that. He ordered me to do all kinds of things. If I did not cooperate with him, he got angry. He manipulated a practitioner who picked up materials from me so that we had a misunderstanding and this disrupted our cooperation. I got upset and cried. But I thought that Dafa disciples should not cry no matter how hard it was. So I told Master in my heart, “I must do it, no matter how hard it is.”
Master said:
“I say that because during the journey you will have hardships, tests of every sort, unforeseen ordeals, and you will have unexpected interference from all kinds of attachments and emotion. The interference will come from family, society, good friends, and even fellow cultivators. And along with this there is interference from changes in the state of human society and from human notions that were formed in society.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. International Fa Conference,” Teaching the Fa at the Conference VII)
Master helped me enlighten to it in a dream. So no matter how a practitioner treated me, I would be tolerant and not create conflict with the practitioner, and I would continue to cooperate. B did not know to look inward based on the Fa and always looked at other practitioners' shortcomings. When I pointed out his human notions, he always argued with me. I could not study the Fa and send forth righteous thoughts with a calm mind. I knew this was a dangerous state for a practitioner.
So I started to recite the Fa. It took me a day to fluently recite the first paragraph of the First Talk of Zhuan Falun. At the same time, I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate all the dark minions, rotten demons, and communist evil spirits that interfered with me when studying the Fa. When I recited “One Standard Alone Determines if Someone is Good or Bad: Whether He is Able to be True, Good, and Endure,” my mind was suddenly clear. I found my attachment. I had wrong notions in that I considered a practitioner was good if he studied the Fa, and I believed that only diligent, advanced practitioners could do Dafa related work. At the same time, I thought B did not truly cultivate himself and I had pity on him. My mind calmed down after I understood these wrong notions. I told B calmly that he should not come to my place anymore. I told him to study the Fa first and improve his xinxing before he did any Dafa related work. I was grateful to B as he helped me realize what the old forces intent is and this made me more rational.
I did not have any more difficulties on printer maintenance after that. Once the printer broke, and Practitioner C just happened to be passing by my home and wanted to see how things were going. Master helped me again. Later, through the coordinator, I got to know Practitioner D, who had just learned how to fix the printer. Practitioner D obtained the Fa in 2004. He saw our city was really lacking in truth-clarifying materials, so he quit his job and produced the materials full time. I taught Practitioner D how to install the computer system. Practitioner D provided technical support for all the material sites in my city. When the practitioner at the material site did not want to do it anymore due to tribulations, Practitioner D and I went to the practitioner and encouraged his righteous thoughts to continue doing it. Practitioner D did not have many human notions and was fearless. I found many of my shortcomings and got rid of many fears after I knew Practitioner D.
Doing the Most Righteous Thing with Righteous Thoughts
Before the 2006 Chinese New Year, my husband came back home for vacation. He did not know I was producing truth-clarifying materials and I was afraid to tell him. But he was at home every day and I could not hide it from him. There were so many materials waiting for me to produce. I realized that I must get rid of the fear and rectify the family environment. I felt it was difficult and I asked a fellow practitioner to help me send forth righteous thoughts. Every day when I had time, I sent forth righteous thoughts to clear all the evil factors in my dimensions that interfered with my producing the truth-clarifying materials. I also told myself, “I must calm down and do everything righteously. I am doing the most righteous things.”
The first two days, my husband went out and I was able start producing the materials. As soon as I finished the job I’d put the printer back, before my husband came home. The third day, many more materials needed to be produced. When he came back that night, I had not finished the job yet and I was a little nervous.
When he saw the printer and materials, he shouted, “You are out of your mind! You don't want to live anymore. When did you buy a printer? I am going to smash it to pieces.” I protected the printer and told him calmly, “You cannot touch the printer. I cherish the printer just like I cherish all life. I will not allow anyone to hurt it. If you are truly good to me, you will just support me.” (He often said he was good to me.) He shouted and became crazy—I’d never seen him like that before. I thought he was going to hit me. I thought, “I won't fight back. Maybe I owe you from a previous life and I need to pay you back, but you definitely cannot touch my printer.” I sat with my legs crossed beside the printer and sent forth righteous thoughts with my eyes open.
Soon Master's Fa came to my mind:
"It’s hard to endure, but you can endure it. It’s hard to do, but you can do it." (Zhuan Falun)
“If your will is not firm,
The hurdles are like mountains.” (Severing (in Yuan verse), Hong Yin Vol. II)
I remembered when Dafa was first being illegally persecuted, practitioners A and C both went to Beijing to appeal for Dafa and were unlawfully persecuted. In the prison they did not cooperate with the evil and were both released. Immediately after they got out , they started to validate the Fa. It must have been difficult for them, but they never spoke of any “difficulty” to me. I often read in Minghui Weekly where the practitioners who had become destitute and homeless still produced truth-clarifying materials. I felt how great they are and how tiny I was. My heart for producing truth-clarifying materials became stronger.
My husband saw me crying and he went into the living room to watch TV. About 9 p.m. the printing was finished. During the printing, I kept sending forth righteous thoughts. My husband shouted a few times, “Are you done yet?” I was not afraid of him. I put the materials and printer back. Then I sat on the bed and started to calmly and quietly clarify the facts to him. I told him Dafa was being unlawfully persecuted by the CCP and that the Tiananmen Square self-immolation was fabricated by the CCP. I told him how corrupt the CCP was. But he did not listen to me and just argued with me. He also told me to give the printer and computer away.
I told him, “Before I started to practice Falun Gong, I had many illnesses. My back hurt so much that I could not walk. You witnessed that. Dafa purified my body. I could do housework and do business. Dafa has benefited our family so much financially and mentally. We could never pay back what Dafa has given us. (I started crying again.) In the past all the materials I read were produced by other practitioners, even though they were very busy. But I did not do anything—I was too selfish. Right now I am taking a share of their burden. If you have a good conscience, you should support me.” His tone gradually returned to normal. Then it was about time to send forth righteous thoughts.
At that time I tried not to produce the materials in front of him. By studying the Fa and improving my xinxing, I understood that this reluctance was still caused by a shortcoming in my xinxing. I completely got rid of the fear I had of him. Later when I produced Zhuan Falun, the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, and other materials, or when I asked practitioners to come to my house to fix the machine, I no longer hid anything from him. My husband thought it was normal and he did not say anything.
In 2000, the police found out about a material production site. The next day, several practitioners went to the site to move the computer, printer, and printing materials out. The police who were watching nearby arrested the practitioners, including Practitioner E. Because Practitioner E had also wanted to produce materials, I had just moved the printer, computer, and two boxes of paper to her home and had begun to teach her when I had time. When I heard about the arrests, I was very sorry, as well as a little nervous. I knew the test had come. Then a few coordinators called me and said, “The practitioners who were arrested could not endure the persecution and told the police about other practitioners. Practitioner E also mentioned her relative's name (also a practitioner). Some of them have already gone onto hiding. Please consider what you should do.” Every time the phone rang, I was kind of nervous, but I always had the thought, “No one will give my name.” A practitioner came to my home and told me, “I heard there will be large-scale arrests this evening. You should move the equipment out and find a place to hide for a while.” I shared with the practitioner, saying, “I want to cry every time we talk about hiding. I feel that I am letting Master down. Tomorrow is Friday, so who will produce the Minghui Weekly? When I heard what you said, I was a little afraid, but when I studied the Fa and sent forth righteous thoughts, I calmed down. If my dimensions are clean, no evil can enter. You should not worry. No one can touch me. When I sent forth righteous thoughts, I asked Master to put a cover over me so that the evil cannot even think of me.”
So I kept producing materials for my city. At that time, I could only get in contact with one coordinator. I was grateful that another practitioner was also producing part of the Minghui Weekly. Soon the practitioners gradually came back and we needed more materials. When I was at home, I let the machine work. In the night, I use mute-mode for the printer. Every night I sent forth righteous thoughts at midnight, adjusted the printer to continuously feed paper, then went to sleep. Then I got up at 3:30 a.m. in the morning, fed paper, then started to practice the exercises. I was not sleepy the next day at all. I did this for three months. Although I was very busy, I studied the Fa, sent forth righteous thoughts, and practiced the exercises every day. But I’d stopped reciting Zhuan Falun.
Always Having Dafa in My Mind Encourages Me to Advance Diligently
A month after that material site was destroyed, Practitioner C was also arrested. From then on, I started to make all the materials, and I also taught other practitioners printing technology. The material sites in my local area weren't “blossoming like flowers.” Whenever practitioners wanted to produce materials, I always gave them full support by helping them to buy computers, printers, and materials. At the same time, I also shared specific things they needed to pay attention to until they could run the material site independently. Sometimes, a practitioner worked on it for a while, and then did not want to do it anymore. I did not judge them at all. Instead, I encouraged them to study the Fa well. When they wanted to produce the materials again, I still gave them full support. Sometimes practitioners complimented me on cultivating my speech well, some said I had strong righteous thoughts, some said I did not have human sensations while sharing experiences, some also admired me, so I politely pointed out their problem to them. Sometimes when practitioners learned something but forgot it after a few days, they were embarrassed to look for my help. I encouraged them, “You are doing Fa-Rectification related work. I came to cooperate with you. At the same time, I also cultivate myself. If you don't know how to operate it, please do not be anxious. Please just let me know.” When a few practitioners found some problems and had some tests to pass, they were all willing to share their experience with me. Actually, I also had my human notions exposed every day. Whenever I found one, I'd restrain it and get rid of it. Rain or shine, some of the practitioners in my city went out to clarify the truth face to face every day . But I could not clarify the truth to anyone I met.
The reason I could walk steadily on the path of cultivation is because of Master's compassionate protection all the time, as well as the experience sharing articles on the Minghui website from fellow practitioners. The articles helped me see my shortcomings and strengthened my righteous thoughts. At every stage in my cultivation, Master orchestrated for me to meet a practitioner who was advancing diligently. From them, I saw my attachments and continuously improved myself. I often felt the Fa's requirement for us was higher again. I also felt that I still had a big gap in the Fa's requirements even after studying the Fa for so many years. Every time I read Master's Fa on improving xinxing, I would read it a few more times or even recite it. Every time my heart was not calm, I knew an attachment would come up and it was time for me to get rid of it. Sometimes I got rid of it slowly, sometimes quickly. In the beginning of my Fa study, I also fell down very hard sometimes.
When I recited “Realms,” I vowed that I must become an enlightened being.
Master said,
“When you’re going through an awful tribulation, or maybe a critical juncture, give it a try. When it’s hard to endure, try to endure it. When it seems impossible to do, or just hard to do, give it a try and see just what you can do. And when you can really do it, just like that worn and weary traveler, you’ll see, 'the shade of willows, the blooms of flowers, a place to rest my head'!” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I followed Master's words and broke through many tests. I want to thank Master again for spreading the Fa and finding me to obtain the Fa. I also want to thank all the practitioners who have helped me.
Every time the Minghui website called for papers from Mainland practitioners, I always wanted to write one, but I did not do it, and I always felt guilty. When the Seventh Internet Experience Sharing Conference for Practitioners in China called for papers, I cried. I had to write a sharing article. But I always had Dafa-related things I had to do (maybe it was interference) and I did not write the article as I had intended. This time I let go of some things and suddenly found spare time to write my sharing.
Actually, in my heart I had many Fa principles encouraging me to advance diligently all the time, but I could not remember in which Fa-Lecture Master taught us these principles, so I could not quote it and could only describe it in my own words. Many more magical things have occurred as I have coordinated and clarified the facts. This is the first time I’ve submitted a paper to the Minghui website. I don't care too much if it is published, but I have written the paper with my pure heart.
