(Clearwisdom.net) I’m a housewife and have three children. My husband began to practice Falun Gong in 1997. I subsequently began practicing Dafa after him. During my 14-year cultivation, as long as the Fa-rectification needed me, I performed my duties and mission no matter what.
Truly Practicing Cultivation
Whatever I encountered on the cultivation path, I always maintained a heart of compassion and kindness, and kept the Fa in my heart to harmonize Dafa. When distributing informational materials about Falun Dafa with my husband, he was often in a hurry and worried about missing any opportunity to save sentient beings. Therefore, he always urged me, “Hurry, hurry.” Sometimes he even criticized me publicly. However, I didn’t get angry. I knew that my husband’s behavior was for upgrading my xinxing, and I always worked together with him with a smile. I kept Master’s words in my heart at every moment that “one should not fight back when being punched or insulted.” (Zhuan Falun)
Facing the evil Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) framing and slanderous lies since July 20, 1999, I firmly believed that Dafa and my Master are righteous. There is nothing wrong with following Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance to be a good person. What is there to fear? I never tried to hide our Dafa books and materials. Whenever I encountered the evil’s interference, I thought, “My Master is above everything. I have Master taking care of me.” Therefore, I went through without a scratch under Master’s benevolent care. Even when the persecution was most serious, I was never subjected to detention or imprisonment. Of course, it is due to Master’s compassionate care that I could truly practice cultivation until today. I appreciate everything that Master has borne for me!
Exposing the Evil While in Deep Sorrow
My husband was subjected to unlawful detention six times. When he first appealed for Dafa, he was illegally arrested by the police and detained for one month. The police also stole a large amount of cash from him. In 2001, my husband was subjected to one and a half years of imprisonment. The police put him in a labor camp and forcibly gave him injections that damaged his central nervous system. After being released, thanks to Master’s care, my husband didn’t suffer health problems and could still work and practice cultivation normally. One year later, officers from the local neighborhood committee and the police station attempted to arrest him again. My husband therefore had to live out of town and couldn’t return home for three years, until 2006. Because he was busy and focused on working during that time, my husband slacked off in his cultivation. This gave the old forces a loophole to take advantage of, and he developed an illness. In 2008, the evil regime madly arrested practitioners before the Olympic Games, and my husband was again arrested and taken to a detention center.
At the detention center, my husband was given only salty broth soup three times a day for his meals, yet was forced to do heavy labor for 15 or 16 hours. If he didn’t finish the work, he would be tortured such as being handcuffed in the position called "Carrying a Sword on the Back." As a result, my husband, who was nearly 155 lbs, was tortured until he was emaciated within three months. His internal organs were damaged and he suffered from hematuria (red blood cells in his urine) and a persistent cough along with asthma. His legs were swollen from his feet up to his groin. After being tortured for a long period of time, his physical condition became so bad that he could no longer take care of himself. In order to shirk the responsibility for my husband's deteriorated condition, detention center officers told my son and I to take my husband home. After returning home, my husband could barely walk and couldn’t swallow food. In the end, he passed away on August 7, 2008 at the age of 58.
My husband’s death was a terrible blow for me. With fellow practitioners’ help, I awoke from the deep sorrow and realized my responsibility to expose the evil people responsible for my husband's death, and thus help save sentient beings who were poisoned by the CCP’s lies. Soon, local practitioners formed one body and coordinated with each other to write articles to expose the evil’s deeds. I led my children and cousins, nearly 30 people dressed in mourning clothes, to appeal to the authorities. Officials of the local police station and the 610 Office were very frightened.
I made copies of the funeral speech and sent them to the responsible authorities, as well as my relatives and friends. During this process, Master compassionately took care of me, helping me to have strong righteous thoughts. In addition, I also got rid of the attachment of seeking ease and comfort, the mentality of doubting the Fa and the attachment of saving face. I felt that my mind became more pure and compassionate. A practitioner said to me happily, “It's very encouraging, you have not been crushed under such heavy pressure; instead, you strive forward more diligently.”
Looking Within and Being More Diligent
Looking at the picture of my husband on the wall, my tears kept running down my face. I repeatedly looked within. I knew that my husband’s death was a result of the various kinds of torture he had to endure. Since my husband began to practice cultivation, he always put spreading the Fa, helping fellow practitioners and clarifying the truth as his top priority and always tried his best to do them. At the same time, however, he neglected the importance of upgrading himself and his own cultivation. He did not study the Fa enough, and as he gradually studied the Fa less, his righteous thoughts became weak and unknowingly he walked onto the path arranged by the old forces.
Looking inward, I realized I was also responsible for my husband’s death. Although I did a lot of things to clarify the truth, most were carried out under my husband’s lead. Gradually, I developed a dependent heart and the attachment to comfort and being at ease. I didn’t walk my own cultivation path, but instead followed others. At the same time, I lacked a heart of compassion. I was only focused on my family’s livelihood. I didn’t consider that my husband didn’t have time to study the Fa calmly due to being continuously persecuted, and that I should have reminded him to pay more attention to studying the Fa. If I did well on these aspects, I might have helped him break through the old forces’ persecution. This is my biggest mistake and regret on my cultivation path.
Master warned us,
“But, since you still need to remain among ordinary people until your cultivation meets with Consummation, you have to reach a state in which you have such things but have no heart for them, in which you can do such things but without attachment. Or seen from another perspective, all of these things that ordinary people do serve to provide you with a cultivation setting. Such is the path that you travel. On such a path, the problem that is most apt to occur is that you slack off and lapse into ordinary ways. And that is especially so in the period of validating the Fa, where you are all the more liable to get discouraged when faced with so much pressure and ordeals of every sort. Of course, though, you are Dafa disciples who made vows beforehand after all, and your lives co-exist with Dafa. With such an enormous Fa here, the Fa will be with you when your thoughts are righteous, and this is the greatest assurance. But on the other hand, when your righteous thoughts are inadequate and not in line with the Fa, you will be cut off from the Fa’s power, and it will seem like you are alone and getting no help. Even if the things you are doing are Dafa things, you still have to conform to the Fa or else the Fa’s power will not be there. At present, you are doing terrific on the whole.” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan”)
I knew that my husband’s death was not only a result of his being persecuted by the old forces, but was also a most evil test for me and was meant to destroy me. Moreover, it was persecuting sentient beings and an interference to Master’s Fa-rectification. I have learned a lesson from my husband after looking within.
Master, please rest assured. I will continue to walk well on the last leg of our path and strive forward even more diligently.
