(Clearwisdom.net) I am a young Falun Dafa practitioner. I began practicing Dafa in 1997 when I was a middle school student. My family strongly opposed my cultivation from day one and did everything to stop me from practicing. I had no choice but to practice Dafa secretly. When the evil Chinese Communist Party (CCP) began to persecute Dafa in 1999, I could no longer study the Fa. I lost contact with fellow practitioners and gradually fell into ordinary society. However, I could not forget Dafa. Teacher's words always came to mind,
“If you don’t firmly hold to your faith you will gain nothing in this life. No one knows when there will be another chance. It’s very hard!” (“Determination” from Essentials for Further Advancement)
I told my friends and classmates that Dafa was good. However, without the opportunity to study the Fa or read any truth-clarification materials, I didn't have comprehensive knowledge about the persecution, so I was not able to expose the CCP's lies, and many times my truth clarification efforts turned into arguments with everyday people. In 2009, I obtained software that enabled me to visit Dafa websites that were blocked by the CCP regime. I learned about the progress of Fa-rectification and resumed my cultivation. I was eager to tell people about the persecution of Falun Gong.
With a human mindset and not basing my actions on the Fa, I was not very rational when I clarified the facts to people, and I often behaved indignantly. My family thought I had mental problems. Within two months of visiting the Dafa websites, I was arrested, and I failed to validate Dafa with dignity and rationality at that time.
After I was released from a brainwashing session, my cultivation environment became even worse. My family was very unhappy. They worried about me and thought I was mentally ill. They often tried to force me to remove everything related to Dafa from my mind. They were afraid to hear anything about Dafa and dared not read any truth-clarification material. If they found any Falun Gong materials at the door, they would hurriedly throw it away. They were afraid of leaving a reason for the police to persecute me. I dared not clarify the truth to them either. I was afraid to tell them that I was still cultivating Dafa. I was not allowed to have any Dafa books at home, and Dafa became a taboo topic in my family. If I ever mentioned Dafa, my mother would threaten to “break off relations with me.” The company I worked for also sent a colleague to monitor me. I didn't have strong righteous thoughts and it seemed like I had done something wrong. I was very depressed and every day dragged on like a year. Fortunately, I was able to get in touch with a fellow practitioner and continued to study the Fa without my family knowing about it.
The local 610 Office ordered my company manager to talk to Falun Dafa practitioners in the company, trying to force them to write the three statements to renounce Dafa. Although I had not been very diligent, I was on the 610 Office's list of practitioners. After I heard that my manager was going to talk to me, I consulted with a practitioner on what to do about it. The practitioner suggested that I use this opportunity to clarify truth to my manager. I took his advice and decided to make the following points clear to the manager: First of all, I could not say anything against my conscience. Dafa was good, the CCP's propaganda was all lies, and I could not tell lies. It was not illegal to practice Falun Dafa, and it was the CCP that was committing crimes. Secondly, the CCP's policies changed all the time. What's opposed today may be advocated tomorrow. During each political movement, the CCP first knocks someone down, then overturns it. Now the CCP was mercilessly persecuting Falun Gong and forbidding people from practicing it. Then why had the CCP issued many proclamations and awards to Falun Gong previously? Falun Gong had spread to over 100 countries. Falun Gong books have been translated into 30 languages and are published all over the world. The persecution of Falun Gong was the persecution of people all over the world. How long could it last? If the CCP's policy changed, what would you do with my statement [if I wrote it]? What about you? Who would be responsible for this?
However, my xinxing wasn’t good enough yet. With fear and misgivings, I talked to the manager with the mindset of an everyday person and only repeated the fellow practitioner's words. No matter how well it may have sounded, the manager turned his nose up at me. The evil forces also knew that I did not truly maintain an unshakable calm and I had gaps that could be taken advantage of. So they put me through a comprehensive and destructive test that targeted all my human thoughts and attachments in order to see whether I firmly believed in Dafa. Whatever I was afraid to hear, they said it. Whatever I was afraid to come across, they brought it up. Whatever I wanted, they tempted me with that. For instance, I was afraid that I would lose my job if I didn't do what the company demanded. The manager then threatened to lay me off. I was afraid that my family would hear about it. Then the company informed my family and they also tried to persuade me to write the “three statements.” I was afraid to be sent to a brainwashing session again. Then my relatives came to tell me that they had inquired and were told that I would be sent to a brainwashing session if I refused to write the statements. They suggested that I write the statements sooner rather than later, as they believed I would have to write it eventually. I was afraid of being monitored or persecuted again. Then I was told that I could hide nothing at all, as the company even knew which hotel I stayed in on certain days, based on where I had used my ID card. I was afraid of others knowing, and soon enough everyone in my company knew I practiced Falun Gong. I was hoping for a better environment. Then the company promised to promote me as long as I wrote the “three statements.” They even promised not to monitor me or suppress or discriminate against me, as long as I only practiced the exercises at home and did not clarify the truth.
This is how I handled the situation. Whatever attachment they used to tempt me, I clearly distinguished that it was not me and repelled it. Whatever they threatened me with, I completely ignored it. No matter what, I refused to write the statements. I tried my best to clarify the truth whenever possible. However, the evil forces still latched onto my gap. For a long time, I had been feeling guilty about causing trouble for my family due to the persecution caused by my attachments. Instead of being truly thoughtful of them and being on the Fa and being responsible for their eternal life, I had always tried to make it up to my parents with human means, such as showing filial obedience. Because I was not clear-minded on the Fa, I ran into an unexpected situation. My mother was so angry with me that she fell ill and was taken to the hospital. She appeared to be out of her mind in her hospital bed. My relative was so anxious that he hit me. He said my mother was sick because she worried about me and that unless I wrote the statements [to renounce Falun Gong], she would die. If I wrote the statements, she would be happy and might recover. I was very disturbed and had a lot of misgivings. It seemed so apparent from the human point of view that I could lose everything if I refused to write the statements and that I might be able to live a normal life or even a more comfortable life if I wrote them. Although I knew very well that I shouldn't write them, I was not able to escape my human thoughts and saw no way out. I eventually signed the statements against my conscience.
When I walked out of the manager's office, I became clearheaded. I remembered the story Teacher told about a Daoist cultivator and a wine gourd in “Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. Fa Conference.” Isn't what I now faced a wine gourd? Viewed with human thinking, it may be a small wine gourd. However, if I dared to follow Master and jump into the gourd, it would be a vast world inside the gourd.
After I realized this, I returned to the company to get back the statement I had just signed. However, when I met with the manager, my attachments stopped me from opening my mouth. Then the door was pushed open and someone came in. When he saw me, he said, “Hey! Everyone knows about what you did. You are well-known now.” I was disturbed from deep in my heart. I made up my mind and let go of my attachments. Since everyone had heard about me, what was I afraid of? I firmly asked the manager to return the statement to me and immediately tore it up.
At that moment, Master's Fa came to my mind,
“If you don’t let the evil’s interference sway you, bad factors won’t arise from you, the evil will become trivial, you will become towering and massive, and your righteous thoughts will be ample.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the Epoch Times Meeting”)
When I had firm righteous thoughts and was not moved by the evil factors, my mind gradually calmed down. I felt light. A sacred feeling after elevating in the Fa gradually spread to every cell in my body. I felt I had become towering and massive, and the evil forces became nothing. The evil factors that had just overwhelmed me with grief suddenly vanished. I smiled and couldn't hold back my tears.
After improving my xinxing and eliminating the evil factors, I went back home and the field was completely different. With my improved xinxing, wisdom emerged like a steady stream. My father wanted to talk to me. He asked me why I refused to write the statements as a mere formality, and why Falun Gong practitioners gave up their good futures and comfortable lives and appealed for Falun Gong, even though they could be imprisoned. I told him that appealing was a citizen's legal right and belief was a personal freedom. The evil Party, however, behaved like a pack of gangsters. They falsified charges and arrested practitioners as though they were criminals. This was unconstitutional. Then I told him how beautiful Dafa was, what kind of people Dafa practitioners were, how evil the CCP was, how the CCP controlled the media and public security system to trump up charges to persecute Dafa practitioners, and that all the means they used were illegal and shameless. In the end, I asked my father, “How could I cooperate with such an evil Party? If I compromised with it, I would be undermining justice, and I would feel guilty for the rest of my life. The CCP is not worthy of demanding that I do anything.”
I talked with my father for over five hours. He finally agreed, “Falun Gong practitioners are good. My son is really admirable. I will talk to your mother about this.” Two hours later, my mother was very happy and she started to feel better. She said to me with a smile, “My son, it's very good that you tore up that statement.”
Later, the relatives who had tried to tell me to write the statement also gradually understood the truth. Some even called to apologize to me.
The environment in the company also improved. The company no longer caused me any trouble. My colleagues and the manager also changed their attitudes. Just like Master said,
“All of what you encounter and meet with owes to factors that are present within your expanse. If you can have sufficient righteous thoughts, you can then be towering and massive within your expanse and suppress any bad things that might exist there. Were every Dafa disciple able to achieve this, the entire world would change...” (“Fa Teaching Given at the Epoch Times Meeting”)
The following is a poem I wrote.
The environment originates from your mind,
The appearance changes with your heart.
Evil forces used this to test you without restraint,
Ordinary people were manipulated in the illusion.
Righteous thoughts disperse dark clouds,
Truth clarification clears the way.
