(Clearwisdom.net) I thought a lot on May 13--World Falun Dafa Day. To commemorate this important day, which belongs to all the people around the world, I'm writing down my thoughts.
Around May 13, 1992, I hadn't heard anything about Falun Dafa. My heart was very heavy as I still clearly remembered the Tiananmen Square massacre in 1989.
I felt I was in a quandary. First of all, I didn't want to be opportunistic or act against my own conscience. Secondly, I didn't want to get too close to CCP officials since I looked down on them. Because of this, I wouldn't have a future in China even if I wanted to improve myself. Whenever you felt you were on the right path to something, your rights to it would be deprived and you wouldn't have any means to complain about it. In the present society of China, none of the departments are independent. They are all responsible to one entity, which is the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). I constantly asked myself, "Why was I born in such a time? What am I supposed to do? I must have something to fulfill here. What do I even live for?" With all these questions, I started to study the books such as The Book of Changes and Tao Te Ching. After that, I confirmed my judgment that a society ruled by the CCP would have no hope.
My heart was very heavy. Some people admired my insights, but nobody asked me how I had come to such a conclusion. Being lonely, I wrote an article entitled, "Marxism is a Phony System." I didn't dare to show it to anyone since I knew I wouldn't find anyone who would truly understood me.
On May 13, 1995, I read Zhuan Falun. I arrogantly made a statement to a few Falun Dafa practitioners, "The CCP will persecute you sooner or later!" I chose to avoid Falun Dafa. Those kind Falun Dafa practitioners said to me, "We just want to be good people. We don't harm any organizations or individuals. Please don't make such a statement. We don't believe what you said." I used to try to find someone that could understand me so that we could rationally exchange thoughts, which would have been good for me and for them. My pride and selfishness prevented me from explaining myself to those Falun Dafa practitioners.
On May 13, 2000, those few practitioners were shocked by my previous statement. They asked me, "How did you know?" I was shocked too, by Falun Dafa practitioners' compassion and firm belief. I said, "It was obvious. You didn't do anything wrong, yet you are paying a high price. I support you. But it's no use to appeal to higher authorities. It's your responsibility and it brings you mighty virtue to clarify the truth to people and help people wake up. You should keep doing the right and righteous things. I will join you to explain to people what Falun Dafa really is, as an everyday person. I will do what I'm supposed to do, too."
By 2003, I had read all the Falun Dafa books. I also copied Zhuan Falun three times. I finally let go of the weight in my heart. Even though I hadn't practiced Dafa yet, I would use the Fa principles to help practitioners find what went wrong when they had problems. In fact, I started to follow the Fa's requirements in my actions. Still, I was too proud to cultivate in a solid manner.
In May 2005, I read the book Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party carefully dozens of times and I was totally shocked. Previously I had sort of the same understandings in my heart, but it wasn't that clear or accurate. I came to realize that there is nothing political about this book. Instead, it's to save people's hearts and minds. Since then, I have been distributing the Nine Commentaries to many people.
On May 13, 2010, I finally let go of the feelings of hatred and unfairness in my heart. I calmly stepped into cultivation and began solidly practicing myself. I know I need to remove my arrogance and the feeling of being superior to others.
Why do I practice Falun Dafa?
It is because I came to know that cultivating Truth-Compassion-Forbearance is restoring the traditional culture and it is the fundamental way to achieve a free, calm, and harmonious mindset. A truthful and sincere person is one of the best and everybody wants to be his or her friend. Then why not first make ourselves such a person? Therefore I decided that I would take such a path and use the inner compassion to resolve all the previous predestined relationships. I don't worry now about those people or things that hurt me since I take it that I was paying my debts to them. I found myself calming down and my actions and words are in harmony. I can't fully describe the happiness in my heart. It is really an open compassion and nothing can overcome it. Because of this, why would I not practice Dafa?
To be truthful, the first step is to forbear. A person that's afraid of getting hurt won't be truthful. We need to take everything as a test for ourselves. The first step is to tolerate it. The second step is to resolve the complaints in our hearts while we continue to be truthful and sincere. After a while, you'll see you won't be able to pass the test if you think it unfair or if you cannot stay sincere. Unkind thoughts are the root cause of hurtful relationships. So once you can tolerate it and remove the feelings of unfairness, you'll see your compassion coming out. My understandings of this all come from the deep meanings in Zhuan Falun. Thus I am very determined that I will solidly cultivate myself and nothing can stop me. I used to be very arrogant. Now I have become a person who is rational and can tolerate others. I spread the beauty of practicing Falun Gong to others while improving myself. I feel my life is very meaningful and I'm very content. I cannot describe all my feelings. There is an old Chinese saying, "The saints are selfless, therefore, everything in the world belongs to them."
Since I do not contend with others, nobody contends with me. Those things that ordinary people go after and fight for are not what I pursue, as I can let go of all those things. When I do not fight for my own interests, there won't be any conflicts for me. All the blocks and barriers have been resolved, and have gone back to the way they are supposed to be. It is so magnificent. Of course, everyday people won't understand this. Only practitioners who cultivate their xinxing would be able to reach this realm.
