Cultivating Self during Family Conflicts
(Clearwisdom.net) Many experience-sharing articles describe how Dafa practitioners have handled relationships with their non-practitioner spouses. Most practitioners treat their spouses with great compassion and forbearance, showing them the beauty of Dafa. Practitioners also follow high moral standards in everyday life, working hard for society without competing for fame and material gain. Conflicts may however occur with practitioner couples. Some couples have had conflicts for as long as they have practiced Dafa, and they have sometimes become quite serious. I would like to discuss this issue.
I would like to ask practitioners who have had bad relationships with their spouses a few questions. Have you treated him or her as a fellow practitioner? Have you handled yourself as a practitioner? If you can handle a situation well with ordinary people, why can't you do well with your spouse in the same situation? One practitioner frequently gave orders to her husband and wanted everything done her way. She used her understanding of the Fa to make demands of her husband. One husband was annoyed by his wife's being bossy and complained, "You always shine a light on my mistakes (instead of looking inside yourself)." Another husband has not eliminated the bad habits he had before starting cultivation practice, including scolding his wife. I don't mean to point fingers at anyone, but would like to point out that from the Fa's perspective a husband and wife have a predestined relationship. The cultivation path is not an easy one. Under Master's guidance, we have passed through evil interference. Shouldn't we be able to treat our fellow practitioners well, those who have predestined relationships with us and cultivate diligently?
In the midst of conflicts, have you considered that the conflicts are targeting your attachments? If not, why?
I have noticed when many practitioner couples are in front of other people, the husband and wife treat each other nicely and collaborate well on Dafa work, but when they are alone together, their attitudes change. They point fingers at each other, and there is impatience in the tone of their voices. I am like that, too. In my opinion, being nice only in front of others is not sincere kindness. It is only pretending to be nice, rather than cultivating to be a truly good person. Our behavior toward family members embodies the true level of our xinxing. Family is also a cultivation environment, and we should cultivate diligently in this particular environment.
Let us look at this issue from another angle. When you have conflicts with your family members, do you ever consider them as trials targeting your attachments? We should always look inward in the midst of conflicts. We don't need to emphasize if we are right. After all, does it matter if we are right or wrong with regards to trivial things? We need to improve based on the Fa because we are Dafa disciples.
I would also like to remind fellow practitioners not to fall into traps set by the old forces. The old forces try to destroy practitioners by dragging us down by various means. We won't be able to eliminate our attachments if we fail to realize the old forces' intentions. Fellow practitioners should eliminate the conflicts and stop hurting each other! We should eliminate any misunderstandings and obstacles that stand between us, so that we can improve together and form an unbreakable body. As Dafa practitioners, we have the mission of saving sentient beings. We are willing to give our lives for the truth, so how can we not give up our attachments?