(Clearwisdom.net) Because I was persecuted for practicing Falun Gong, I left my hometown to live in another city, where practitioner A and I began to work together. As time went by, we treated each other like family. When I had conflict with others, I looked inward and knew what to do. Nevertheless, when he and I had conflicts, we both wished that the other person could look inward first. Gradually, we only talked about issues and matters. Sometimes we argued so much that our faces turned red and we often fought about who was right and who was wrong.
As my cultivation level rose, I thought that my state of mind was not correct and knew that I should check myself when I saw his attachments. But deep down I did not want to admit I had similar problems. Sometimes I shared with him while looking down on him, so the result of our sharing was poor.
Occasionally I complained to other practitioners about him though I regretted it later. I knew that I was not cultivating my speech well, but whenever I saw other practitioners I could not help but complain about him.
I knew that I could not continue like that. However, I was not able to resolve the problem because I could not identify the attachment. One day, I visited practitioner B and shared with him. B said, "I think it has to do with the attachment of jealousy. Subconsciously, you both think you are better than the other. His problem is also your problem." I was stunned. Practitioner B did not say much but each word was like a land mine. It exposed the jealousy that was tightly wrapped and deeply buried in my heart. Why did I not think that it was jealousy? I always thought that jealousy would only rise if I thought the other person was better than me. I thought I had gotten rid of most of my attachment to jealousy. I never thought that looking down on others subconsciously was also jealousy.
Teacher said, "When a qigong master teaches a class, someone may sit there with disrespect: "Oh, what sort of qigong master is he? I'm not even interested in listening to what he says." (Zhuan Falun)That is right! Every time I heard him talk nonstop, I thought he was showing off and I did not want to listen to him. Why did I not want to listen to him? I thought his opinions were not based on the principles of the Fa. Which meant that my thoughts were based on the principles of the Fa and that I cultivated better. So subconsciously I must have thought that I was better than him and I did not want to listen to him. So wasn't I showing off myself and validating myself? Teacher's lecture is very clear on this issue and practitioners have shared about it previously. So why didn't I notice it?
I saw his attachment to showing off. But after looking inward I saw the same attachment in myself. When I worked on Dafa projects, I often sensed that benevolent Teacher was helping me and I reminded myself that everything I have is given by Dafa and I should not harbor any attachments about my skills. However, I felt good when practitioners praised me. Weren't these attachments to showing off and validating myself? Indeed, they were hidden quite deeply.
Teacher said, "If jealousy is not abolished, everything that you have cultivated will become fragile." (Zhuan Falun) When I do not like others, I focus on their being right or wrong and and talk about their shortcomings. I realize that these thoughts come from jealousy. The attachments to showing off and validating oneself derive from there as well. Teachers said in "Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan,"
"Some people are always stressing that they're right, but even if you are right, even if you're not wrong, so what? Have you improved on the basis of the Fa? The very act of using human thinking to stress who's right and who's wrong is in itself wrong. That's because you are then using the logic of ordinary people to evaluate yourself, and using that logic to make demands on others. As gods see it, for a cultivator to be right or wrong in the human world is not important in the least, whereas eliminating the attachments that come from human thinking is important, and it is precisely your managing to eliminate those attachments rooted in your human thinking as you cultivate that counts as important."
Wasn't this passage referring to me? When I analyzed myself, I realized that practitioners are like mirrors that uncover the deeply hidden attachments that they have. Though I recite the Fa every day, I could not see those attachments. Actually, I did not want to look into the mirror. I felt ashamed.
Thus, I sent righteous thoughts to thoroughly eliminate these bad elements and to get rid of the attachment to jealousy. Just then, practitioner A called and asked me to help him install an MP3. When I heard his voice I suddenly felt I had mistreated him. If it were not for my attachments that blocked him, he would have raised his xinxing sooner. It was because there were problems with me that the people and the environment around me was affected.
In fact, practitioner A has a lot of strong points. I failed to see them because I was blinded by my attachments. Rain or shine, he does a good job persuading people to quit the Chinese Communist Party and it's affiliated organizations. He is enthusiastic, forgiving, and treats practitioners' tasks as his own. After I saw him, I felt that the barrier between us was gone. We shared cultivation experiences, discussed how we should find former practitioners and shared the joy of seeing sentient beings being saved.
I'm grateful for Teacher's arrangements.
