(Clearwisdom.net) I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1996. For the past ten years, I have studied the Fa every day and I have consistently done the exercises. I kept clarifying the truth and also never stopped sending forth righteous thoughts. However, I felt that I did not improve much, especially when clarifying the truth in a face-to-face situation. I felt it very difficult. I became worried, but I did not know what to do about it. Why? I thought very hard and found out I had a lot of ordinary people's mentalities, such as being afraid, caring about losing face, vanity, etc.
After reading the article, "Maintain Righteous Thoughts Despite Illusions in Order to Offer People Salvation" (http://www.clearwisdom.net/html/articles/2010/3/4/115134.html ) in the Minghui Weekly, I remembered a reunion with my former students, and realized my selfishness and personal pride.
Here is my story. Very late one night in December 2009, three students that I had taught over forty years ago came to my home. Since I had not seen them since they graduated, I could hardly recognize them. But I remembered their names. Their first sentence was, "Teacher, we finally found you!" I was very surprised and asked them why they were looking for me. They told me that there was going to be a school reunion and then told me how they had been looking for me. I felt very touched. After chatting for a while, they told me that they would come to pick me up on the night. After they left, I thought it would be a very good opportunity to tell them about the persecution of Falun Gong.
The next day, I prepared fliers, CD's and bookmarks. In the afternoon, I gathered those materials and went to the restaurant. When I arrived there, quite a few students had already arrived. They all came over to me, hugged, shook hands and greeted each other. By 7 p.m., almost all the students in the class had arrived. The student who organized the event said to me, "Teacher, when we heard that you were going to come, almost everyone decided to come. Some have traveled from other cities. Those who could not make it sent short messages." I felt very happy and was carried away by such a heart-warming scene.
Since it was cold, students arranged for me to sit near the heater. Once I calmed down, I realized what I should do--clarify the truth. I did not realize so many students would come. It was very crowded and I was sitting in a corner and could hardly move. At that moment, I wondered what would be the best way to talk to everyone and I was not sure whether I should talk to the entire group. After all, we had not seen each other for over 40 years. Waitresses were walking back and forth which made it hard since I could not move freely. But no matter, I should not miss such an opportunity! I decided to talk to the students who were sitting near me. So I clarified the truth to about one third of the group, telling them about the beauty of Dafa and giving out some materials. Some students even said they wanted to learn the exercises.
After the reunion at the restaurant was over, the original plan was to go to a Karaoke bar. Because it was very late, some students insisted on visiting my home. Logically, it was another opportunity for me to clarify the truth. However, my husband was standing next to me and I was afraid that he would complain that I was not considering our safety. So I missed another very good opportunity. For that, I felt very depressed for quite a few days. But then I read the above article published on the Clearwisdom website. I repeatedly studied several of Master's Fa lectures, then I began to gradually understand. Nothing is accidental on our cultivation road! Therefore, was it accidental that after 40 years those students suddenly found me? I realized that they came for the Fa. It was Master who sent them to me, and created such an opportunity for a disciple who was not diligent in cultivation.
Yes, I saw my attachment and also realized its harm. Not only had some students lost a chance to be saved, how many more lives in different dimensions had been lost? It is really scary! I suddenly had an intense feeling of guilt. I felt that I was committing a crime towards Fa. I had almost become a stumbling block on Master's Fa rectification road! How could I talk about assisting Master? Was I worthy of the sacred title of "Dafa disciple of the Fa-rectification period?" At a critical moment, I put my personal pro's and con's before the Fa. Bluntly speaking, I put myself above the Fa. The more I thought about it, the more afraid I became. I felt my whole body was burning. I had concentrated on my own happiness and pride, thinking that those students, who had now all became grandparents still remembered me! I felt confident and proud, wasn't that dangerous?
Thinking through the above situation, I studied the Fa more and read articles by fellow practitioners. Below is my personal understanding:
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A genuine practitioner should not put oneself above Dafa at any time. If we do not study the Fa deeply and gain a clear understanding of the Fa, we will weigh pro's and con's with an everyday person's mentality when doing Dafa work or encountering something. We will try to protect ourselves, or feel complacent. At this moment, we actually have already put the Fa in the subordinate position. What should we do? Study the Fa! In the past ten years, every time Master gave a Fa lecture, he emphasized the importance of studying the Fa. On December 26, 2009, in the article of "To the First Fa Conference in India", once again, Master earnestly admonished his disciples,
"I hope that India's Dafa disciples may be like those of other nationalities, study the Fa well and abundantly--and do so frequently--become true cultivators of Dafa, and shoulder the responsibility of helping Dafa to spread widely and save sentient beings."
Let us encourage each other with this Fa teaching. Do not forget to study the Fa well at all times!
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In cultivation practice, no matter what kind of conflicts we encounter, we should look below the surface, thus we will have a better understanding and be able to improve. From the student reunion I attended, it was only on the surface that they sought me for their reunion. They actually came for the Fa and to learn the truth. They are not only my students, they are also sentient beings who are waiting to be saved! That is the essential thing. Only seeing the surface is a human mentality. Seeing the essential reason is a divine being's mentality. Using a divine being's mentality to do Dafa work will achieve the desired effect.
