(Clearwisdom.net) My wife does not practice Falun Gong, but she was supportive of my cultivation practice before I was illegally detained. After I was released from the detention center, her attitude towards Falun Gong drastically changed. She opposed my studying the Fa or doing the Falun Gong exercises. She said to me, "Haven't you suffered enough because of this? Do you want to destroy our family?" Once, she even threw a Dafa book and Teacher's lecture tapes onto the floor.
At that time, I was confused - how should I continue my cultivation in such a difficult environment? For awhile, I studied the Fa and did the exercises in secret because I didn't want my wife to complain or destroy more Dafa-related materials. I shared about my situation with fellow practitioners many times. Some practitioners told me, "This is your [cultivation] path. You should face it and treat your family with compassion and tolerance. If you can do it properly, you are validating Dafa." Others said, "It is the Fa-rectification period; we need to rectify everything that is not correct. The evil is endlessly interfering with you by using your family environment. You should firmly resist it and not just grin and bear it. You are too soft. Practitioners should be firm with their family so that they have a dignified environment for their cultivation. Otherwise, you will be manipulated by everyday people."
How do we rectify everything that is not correct in our family environment? My understanding is that our family members aren't trying to purposely destroy Dafa, they just want to protect their loved ones from further persecution. Therefore, their nature is not bad. As practitioners, we should understand and be more tolerant of them. When I treated my wife with this mindset, she gradually changed. Many times when she couldn't control her temper and yelled at me, I kept silent or just walked away. As a result, we gradually fought less. Later on, she no longer interfered with my studying the Fa and doing the exercises. Sometimes she would say, "I know that practitioners are good people. However, since the government banned it, we should just obey. In the future, you can secretly practice at home." I then took the opportunity to clarify the truth to her and told her about the spread of Falun Gong overseas and stories of good being rewarded and evil being punished. Although she seemed unwilling to accept what I said, she didn't oppose it either. She probably didn't know the magnificence of Dafa, but she clearly saw how I did at home. Therefore, I started cooking, cleaning and helping our child with homework. Seeing my actions, my wife feels that I am very responsible to the family and sees that I am an agreeable person. Later, when she didn't feel well, she would try doing the fifth exercise, the sitting meditation. She no longer opposed my clarifying the truth to others and asking them to quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliated organizations. Sometimes, she would even help me clarify the truth. One time, when she went out to buy some make-up, she rushed home and told me, "Hurry! I tried to clarify the truth to the store owner, but I don't know how to continue. You should go because you can do a better job." I happily went with her to the store and the owner agreed to quit the CCP.
Later, I thought to myself, if I had confronted my wife and viewed her as interference to my cultivation, what would be the result? Rectifying everything that is not correct does not mean we need to fight back - if you are not nice to me, I will treat you even worse. We should always remember Master's basic requirement, "... that as a practitioner one should not fight back when being punched or insulted, but should conduct oneself with a high standard." (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun) Instead we need to be understanding and tolerant. If we can achieve this, we are establishing the virtue of a practitioner. Without the competitive mentality or attachment to selfishness, our environment will become harmonious.
One day a practitioner told me, "My children initially supported me in my practice of Dafa. When someone in their work unit attacked Dafa, they firmly defended it. However, since I was released from prison, their attitudes have changed. They no longer allow me to go out to clarify the truth. If they find truth-clarification materials in my backpack, they make a scene. When other practitioners come to visit me, they block the door to not let them in. I've always wanted to rectify my environment. I even thought of asking several practitioners who are good at reasoning and speaking to try to convince my children to be supportive of my practice. This way their behavior will be rectified." I smiled and said, "This is not the way to rectify everything that is not correct. Many practitioners' family members changed their attitude after the persecution started. Why? They are afraid of losing their love ones, being forced to pay a fine, or losing face in front of their friends and colleagues. They feel embarrassed that their family member was imprisoned. If we can understand them better, have more tolerance and always think of them first, we will naturally know what to do."
This reminded me of my best friend. After I was released from detention, he invited me out. He tried to convince me to give up cultivation and live like an everyday person again so I wouldn't suffer further torture. I knew that he was trying to test me with sentimentality. I didn't do as he asked. Instead, I took every opportunity to talk to him about the truth. As a result, he accepts Dafa, is supportive and also helps me to validate Dafa. Sometimes, the superficial interference is a test to see if we can walk our path righteously. In my opinion, the above practitioner shouldn't argue with his children or try to defeat them through reasoning. When non-practitioners don't have a good understanding of what we do, what we think is "right" is "wrong" in their view. On the other hand, if they truly understand us, they will form a whole body with us. We should let go of our attachment and treat our family with compassion and a calm heart. When our children come home, we should happily cook their favorite dish and buy something that they like. When our grandchildren come over, we should care for them compassionately. This way, they will respect practitioners. In fact, even if we don't say anything to them, what we do says everything. They know that we practice Falun Dafa. Aren't we validating Dafa? Upgrading our xinxing and realm can improve our environment. Our family will thus feel peaceful and harmonious when we are present.
One time while sharing experiences, several practitioners mentioned that a practitioner who was a village official was beaten up by someone and he was hospitalized. I asked, "Was it serious?" They answered, "Not really." I then asked, "Why did he go to the hospital then? He must have attachments that need to be eliminated." One practitioner said, "In fact, he doesn't really need to go to the hospital. However, that person who beat him up was against Falun Gong. While he was beating up the practitioner, he slandered Faun Gong." This practitioner wanted to "punish" the perpetrator by having him pay the medical expenses. Is this validating Dafa? How many people will accept or support Dafa through this incident?
Master told us,
"Calmly think things over, and broaden your mind a little. If you can really regard everyone as a sentient being that we want to save, and then you try to save them, see if things change. It's definitely no coincidence that the evil emerged in Flushing and has made people do bad things. It must have come about to target our students' omissions. Don't blindly go battling against their human sides. Your goal is not to defeat them, but to save them. Do things with compassion and a calm mind, and then see how it goes." ("Fa Teaching at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference")
Every time I read this paragraph, I always think, although practitioners in Flushing are attacked by the perpetrators, Master still asks us not to fight with them. Such selflessness and immense tolerance allowed me to realize my own shortcomings.
When conflicts arise, practitioners need to look inside. In my opinion, when we help the practitioner who was beaten up, we can't use everyday people's notion to assess the situation. That will cause harm to that practitioner and other sentient beings. Instead, we need to view the incident from the aspect of Dafa and saving sentient beings. Practitioners don't have enemies. At any moment, practitioners need to "convince" people with good xinxing, not "defeat" them with ordinary people's means. Otherwise the evil will use our loophole to persecute us until we give up our belief.
The above is just my understanding. Please point out anything that is inappropriate.
