(Clearwisdom.net) I obtained the Fa at the beginning of 1999 and have cultivated for over ten years. In the beginning, I was very diligent. When the overwhelming suppression started, I had only cultivated for four months. But with firm belief in Master and Dafa, as well as a solid foundation from Fa study, under Master's care I was able to make it through many hardships and walked my path to this day.
When we talk about studying the Fa, every practitioner would say, "Don't we study it every day?" That is true, and I do, too. However, I felt that the result was not been as good as in the earlier days. Why was this? I could not figure it out, and it was really bothering me. In every Fa conference, Master has emphasized Fa-study, again and again. Why? Only when we study the Fa well can we do the three things well, do better in assisting Master in this Fa rectification period, and save more sentient beings. How exactly should I study the Fa? How exactly should I look inward? For a long time, I seemed to be lost in answering these questions. It seemed that every day I was reading the books and trying to study the Fa well, but it had become more like a formality. Finally, one day, I encountered a stubborn attachment.
Studying the Fa and Breaking Through Confusion
Over decades, I had formed a mentality of needing to protect my reputation and not wanting to be hurt. I was concerned about my reputation, liked to hear compliments, and hated to be wronged. As a matter of fact, I did know that I had this attachment, but I barely thought about it and did not dig deeper into it. However, cultivation is serious, and Master is always watching us. Finally, one day, a fellow practitioner brought it up to me that I was improving too slowly in cultivation, that there was an attachment that I was not able to get rid of for years, and also that I was not as diligent as before. He also said that I had formed a small group of fellow practitioners that praised each other, and that it was very dangerous to continue like that. It just so happened that around the same time, Master's article "Be Vigilant" was published. In the article, Master talked about the Qingxin Discussion Board. This practitioner compared me with those practitioners on the Discussion Board. I immediately got angry and could not bear it. I even argued with him using very drastic words. Basically, I was not behaving at all like a Falun Dafa practitioner.
Anything that we cannot be let go of is due to human thoughts. After I watched Master's Fa Teaching Given to the Australian Practitioners more than a dozen times, I suddenly realized a lot of things. I deeply understood how arduous it is for Master to save us. Master has taught us so much on so many occasions, but how is it that I just couldn't get it? Master's words deeply touched me. The feeling of being maligned, feeling uncomfortable, the attachment to reputation--all these attachments and notions became completely worthless. As a matter of fact, all the above attachments evolved from emotions and are based on selfishness. They are things from the old forces. Because Dafa practitioners are beings that want to be assimilated to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, the goal for us is thus to cultivate until we are selfless and do things for the benefit of others. What the old forces want are all selfish and for themselves. If I hold onto my attachments and do not want to eliminate them, then am I not walking on the the path arranged by the old forces? When I thought about it, I realized that it was just that dangerous. I was holding onto my own attachments and did not want to let them go of them; if I could not even do well myself, then how could I save others? I really got it then.
Study the Fa, Find Attachments, and Dig Deep for the Root causes
Now when I study the Fa, I feel that Master's every sentence is so deep and so broad. I have never had this feeling before. One sentence that Master said can make me realize many things. In Lecture Six of Zhuan Falun, "Demonic Interference in Cultivation," Master said,
"If you do not practice qigong, the environment is quite peaceful, but once you begin the qigong practice, it is like this. Many of you have never thought about it further. What's really going on? You only find it odd and feel quite disappointed about being unable to practice qigong. This 'oddness' will stop your practice."
I enlightened when reading this and realized that for anything we encounter, if we do not think about our attachments, do not dig deep for the root causes of our attachment, and merely stop thinking about it with a sense that something is odd, then we will not understand anything and will not be able to eliminate the attachments. This is because we have not truly cultivated with our hearts, and that is exactly what Master looks at. When I clarify the truth, sometimes it goes very smoothly, but other times not. Why is that? The cause is that sometimes I validate myself instead of the Fa. I only care about what I say but do not pay attention to others' feelings and thus the evil takes advantage of that.
I had been making flyers for truth clarification in our area for a while and had printed several dozen issues. All of a sudden, another practitioner jumped in and started to make flyers. My heart was immediately moved, and all the human thoughts came out: "How could that person do that? I was doing everything quite smoothly... man, that's so annoying!" In my mind I was even blaming fellow practitioners on Clearwisdom. After some discussion, my son, who is also a practitioner, and I decided to just let that practitioner go ahead and do it. My son said, "Let's just wait for a bit. If a new issue doesn't come out for a while, then we can work on it again. Basically, as long as it doesn't hold up validating the Fa, then it's fine." Although we made that decision, I was not able to let my attachment go. From time to time, it still reared its head. When I dug deeper, I found that it was the attachment to reputation. I was attached to being praised. Now that I think about it, Master must have arranged this on purpose--it was an opportunity for me to eliminate those attachments and notions. All of my abilities were given by Master, so what is there to show off? Just because of this, I had already fallen to an everyday person's level.
We must fundamentally eliminate everyday people's notions, and only by doing so can we succeed in cultivation. I will take Fa-study more seriously and eliminate the attachments to fame and gain, jealousy, competition, and many others. I feel that, by doing so, I will be more effective in doing the three things and saving sentient beings.
Now when I study the Fa, I feel quite different from before. I feel that I am able to understand it at a deeper level, and I am able to read more. I want to say that when we study the Fa, we must study it from our hearts. Otherwise, when we encounter problems, we will be unable to remember Master's words.
Category: Improving Oneself
