(Clearwisdom.net) I have had many cultivation experiences, and would like to share my understanding about looking within.
I returned to my hometown to work as a manager in a company late last year. Among my subordinates was a fellow practitioner who had just returned from eighteen months of forced labor. During several months of working together, we had some minor conflicts. In my view, she cared for petty small interests and was very selfish. I thought, "I treat you so well, yet you not only don't appreciate it, but also say bad things behind my back." Every time I see her I feel this way, and I criticize her. I say something such as, "You did this and that wrong, you do not act like a cultivator, and a cultivator would not act like that." At the time, I focused only on her shortcomings and criticized her, but forgot to look inward. We didn't discuss things calmly based on the Fa. We eventually had a terrible conflict and the company was not able to pay her wages so she left without resigning.
Though I was aware that I was also at fault, I was still angry at her and asked other fellow practitioners to judge the situation. In the Fa study group, I complained about her to the others and justified my own behavior. I then waited for others' judgment. A fellow practitioner said to me with a smile, "You only focused on her shortcomings, but forget to look at yourself. There are also things that you need to work on." What he said sounded right, but I still believed it was her fault on the surface. I was still not sure where I was wrong. I understood the suggestions of other practitioners, but didn't really understand things based on the Fa, and I did not raise my xinxing.
Because my company wasn't able to pay the employees, I also left a few months later. I then met another practitioner, A, when I was searching for a job. She suggested we open a branch together. We decided to do it, and the first step was selecting a place to rent. One day I found a house which I thought was very good, so I told A to come and see it, but she directly rejected my suggestion. She said that the rent was too high, the light inside was poor, and she listed a few other reasons. I thought, "You are a miser. You do not want me to find a place as good as yours. You suggested that we become partners, but you don't want to contribute money, and just want use old equipment while pinching every penny. Your thoughts were never concentrated on the Fa. You are even worse than everyday people. What kind of a cultivator are you? I'd better quit." I had thoughts like this. One can imagine what a gap we had.
Nothing cultivators encounter is accidental. I realized that I should not act the way I did previously, only looking at the faults of others while ignoring my own. So I kept reminding myself, "I must look inward when encountering conflicts." When this thought came to me, though I didn't know how to find my own faults, I was able to calm down, so I tried to search for them. My tone was not kind, so was my aim at earning money? No! I actually wanted to create an environment to be able to contact more sentient beings. If I just stayed at home, I couldn't come into contact with many people. There's no difference between working for a company and having a business myself. I shouldn't judge her by human notions. No matter whether her xinxing was good or not, her behavior in front of me must be a mirror of my cultivation, showing me what I should work on. I knew I should be kind and tolerant. Because I hadn't been tolerant, I had encountered conflicts with the last practitioner. I forgot that I was a cultivator. I always blamed others when encountering problems. A similar thing was happening again, so I knew I had to upgrade my xinxing. I didn't do well the last time, so Master gave me another chance. If I still can't recognize my faults, my enlightenment quality is just too poor.
When I finally realized this, my mind suddenly opened wider. The next time I saw A, she said, "You can find a place to start your business. You don't need to pay me any fee and you don't need to pay me the commission. You can give me the same amount that I pay." My store has now been open for ten days and new customers come in every day. The fundamental basis for opening this store was to have a good environment to get in touch with more sentient beings. I didn't reach my goal of clarifying the truth to every customer and even focused on money when my xinxing was not good. I kept reminding myself that I should treat sentient beings like a cultivator would. Master constantly reminds us in the lectures that saving sentient beings is our top priority. I dug deeper when looking inward, and realized that I had grasped humanity on one hand and divinity on the other hand at the same time. I sought comfort, wealth, and looked for a good life.
Master taught us,
"Studying the Fa well, doing a good job of clarifying the facts, and saving sentient beings are your top priorities. If your righteous thoughts are amply strong, you will manage to do well the things that Dafa disciples are supposed to do." ("To the Midwestern US Fa Conference" in 2009)
I recited these sentences in my heart repeatedly, and every word deeply moved me. I know I should focus on being more diligent to compensate for my shortcomings, keep up with the Fa-rectification process, fulfill my prehistoric vows, and be a genuine Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple.
