Cultivating in a Difficult Family Environment
(Clearwisdom.net) Before I obtained the Fa, my husband physically abused me nearly every day, and I constantly had bruises all over my body. Within a month of our marriage, he started having an affair, which is still going on to this day. He even told me that he had been seeing half a dozen women. At the same time, he was worried that I may be unfaithful to him, and closely watched my every move. I was not allowed to talk to any men and I could not even purchase groceries from a male clerk.
In 1989, we were invited to celebrate my grandmother's birthday at my sister's home. I was waiting for my husband to return home so that we could go to the party together, but it was getting late, and I thought that he would not come back home that night. We didn't have a telephone or cell phone at that time, so I could not contact him, and decided to go to my sister's home alone. When I returned, my husband was very angry and savagely beat me. From then on, I was not allowed to contact my own family without his consent. He also limited my time allowed for grocery shopping. After ten years of marriage, I was physically and mentally scarred, and almost had a mental collapse. I once knelt down on the ground and asked heaven, "What did I do wrong? Why is my life so unfair?"
My parents, my three sisters, and I were fortunate to start practicing Falun Dafa in 1998. I felt as if I had changed into a different person. I no longer had any worries, and became happy and carefree. Even the relationship with my husband became more harmonious. But it didn't last for long. When the persecution began in 1999, my husband had more excuses to beat and swear at me. He even said, "I have lovers outside of my marriage and the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) does not care. You are committing a serious crime because you want to be a good person, abiding by Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. All I have to do is make one phone call and the police will immediately put you in prison. I can also ask them to search your parents' house. I just need to tell them that there are Falun Gong materials there." When he lost his temper, he wouldn't let me talk at all. Before I obtained the Fa, I once asked him why he beat me. He told me that there was no reason, and that he just felt like it.
I used to resent my husband's parents because they didn't come to help me or take care of my child when I gave birth, But when I began to practice, I forgave them and treated them well. When my mother-in-law was ill last year, I let my parents-in-law live with us in order to take care of her and lessen the burden on their children. I also paid their medical expenses. I bathed and cleaned my mother-in-law, and attentively took care of both of them. They were deeply moved, and were very grateful to me.
When I lost my job in 2003, my husband would not let me look for work. He wanted me to stay at home to take care of him and our child. The only time I could speak to people about the persecution of Falun Gong was when I went grocery shopping, and by 2005 I began handing out truth clarification materials and asking people to quit the CCP. There are two markets every five days, and I promised myself to go to each market to talk to people about the persecution. When I went there I tried to talk to everyone I came across.
When my child went to college in the summer of 2009, I told a fellow practitioner that I would no longer be able to go to the market, as I planned to find a job. I knew that once my child went to college, my husband would not allow me to leave the house as often, but if I had a job, I still would have the chance to talk to people about the persecution. I had not eliminated my attachment to fear, and was arrested and taken to the police station that same day. The police threatened my husband, and said that they would sentence me to three years in a labor camp. They also told him that practitioners had been beaten to death there. My husband was aware of the wicked nature of the CCP, and was afraid of them. He paid them 20,000 yuan for my release.
My husband then watched me even more closely. He came with me when I went grocery shopping, and I had no chance to clarify the facts to people. When my mother-in-law passed away two months later, we brought my father-in-law home to live with us.
As soon as I was able to contact my family again, my sister told me to send forth righteous thoughts more often to cleanse my own dimensional field, eliminate the old forces that manipulated my husband, and to make null and void any agreement I may have previously made with the old forces, so that I could follow Master's arrangement. My sister also gave me a copy of Minghui Weekly to read.
Within a month, I saw a big change in my husband's attitude. Even though he did not publicly support me, he no longer disturbed me when I studied the Fa, sent forth righteous thoughts, or exercised at home. I no longer worried about his treatment of me, and cultivated myself solidly. I initially thought that his abuse was because I owed him debts from the past, so I passively accepted his violence. I didn't realize that it was the old forces interfering with me.
I benefited so much from reading Minghui Weekly. I learned the nature of true compassion, and was able to look inward whenever a conflict arose. When I was serving noodles one night, I put too much soup in my father-in-law's bowl, but did not take it back. While we ate, my husband asked, "Why did you put so much soup into his bowl?" My father-in-law was hard of hearing, and thought my husband was upset because I made too much soup, so he put more soup in his bowl. My husband became very upset and threatened to kick me. When my father-in-law left the room after finishing his food, my husband raised his leg, as if he was going to kick me, but then put it down again. I looked inward and realized that it was my fault. I knew that I gave him too much soup and should have taken some out. My husband became so upset, which is not good for his health. In the past, I would not have thought this way, and would have started arguing with him.
My father-in-law later told me, "I probably won't stay here too long. My son is so unreasonable and you have to put up with so much." I told him, "Don't worry. I am a practitioner and abide by the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. If others treat me poorly, I will not feel upset or wronged." My father-in-law supported me in my practice, and listened to the Fa lectures with me three times. The rest of my in-laws also support Dafa and me.
Whenever my fear surfaces, I ask myself, "Who is afraid? It is the karma that is afraid. Let us eliminate the karma." I repeatedly told myself, " Do not be afraid, Master is by my side and takes care of his practitioners at all times," and I eliminated any bad thoughts by using strong righteous thoughts.
I won't let Master down. I will not let the sentient beings down. I am grateful for fellow practitioners' help. I will study the Fa, and cultivate myself solidly.
Thank you Master! Thank you fellow practitioners!