Looking Inward and Developing Compassion Through Cultivation
(Clearwisdom.net) Every time there was an announcement on the Minghui website (Chinese version of Clearwisdom) requesting articles for the Internet experience sharing conference organized for practitioners in China, my thought was that only those who have cultivated well could share their understandings. I did not regard myself as someone who cultivated well with a good understanding of the Fa principles and thought there was nothing I could share. However, fellow practitioners encouraged me to write something for this year's conference. I decided to share my understandings on how I looked within myself and created a good environment around me.
I started to practice Falun Dafa in 1998. In the past I was ill-tempered, took care not to suffer any losses, and could not tolerate other people's shortcomings. Consequently, I often had conflicts with others. At times, I was very troubled by my bad temper. I heard that Falun Gong practitioners never lost their tempers and decided to cultivate, hoping that this would help me control my temper. Compassionate Master constantly looked after me as I moved forward on my path of cultivation. I find that the more I cultivate myself, the wider the path becomes.
I am a simpleminded person, and have never enlightened to profound principles. I simply follow Master's teachings. Master said: "Validate the Fa with rationality, clarify the truth with wisdom, spread the Fa and save people with mercy..." ("Rationality" in Essentials for Further Advancement II)
Thus I treated cultivating compassion and doing the three things as very important things to do. Master said: "For a cultivator, looking within is a magical tool." ("Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference") Thus, I look at the virtues of others. Whenever my heart is moved and I feel uneasy about something, I reflect upon myself and see what attachment I have that caused my heart to be moved. Every time I look within myself, I discover that the environment around me improves.
Looking Within at Home, My Cultivation Path Becomes Wider
During the first two years of the persecution, I went to Beijing twice to appeal for Dafa and was detained at the local police station. Upon returning home, my husband was afraid that I would be persecuted again, so he kept a close watch over me. Sometimes we had arguments, and the more I argued, the fiercer he became. I then kept quiet, so we would not end up fighting. I discovered my strong attachment to competitiveness. When I encountered such situations again, I remained calm. Consequently, our relationship improved. When I clarified the truth to outsiders in front of him, he would not interfere, and he sometimes even hummed a few songs composed by Dafa disciples.
My mother-in-law and I were practitioners together. She was persecuted in a forced labor camp, and upon her release, she couldn't relinquish a strong attachment to fear. At the end of 2007, she passed away. She was ill for four years and had a chest operation. During the years when she was ill, I took care of her even better than her own two daughters. I bathed her and emptied her bedpan without a word of complaint. Usually, I read the Fa with her. When she felt better, I accompanied her in doing the exercises and held onto her arm while giving out Dafa brochures in the neighborhood.
Upon the death of my mother-in-law, my father-in-law insisted on marrying a very young lady and bought a house for her. He gave her all his pension, which amounted to several thousand yuan. During that period of time, my mind was in turmoil. My attitude towards my father-in-law instantly turned from respect to resentment. I spent more time studying the Fa and dug out my attachments. I was attached to gain. He had given away all his money to his new wife, and there was nothing left for me and my husband. I was jealous because my father-in-law no longer doted on my son. I was embarrassed that he had wed a young lady. Although my father-in-law had a good impression of Dafa, he was not a practitioner. I then realized I should not expect him to adhere to the moral standards of a Dafa disciple. I should sympathize with him. Thus, during the festive season, I would go and visit him, buy clothes for him and his wife, and even paid for him to go on a holiday. I expressed my concern for his health, and he was very touched. He took the initiative to renounce his membership in the Communist Party.
Looking Within at Work, Everything Turns Out All Right
Falun Gong practitioners were actively persecuted where I worked. Many employees read the propaganda spread by the Communist Party and had varying degrees of misunderstandings about Falun Gong. Through our consistent efforts to clarify the truth in the past few years, most of the employees there now know that Dafa is good and have quit the Communist Party.
Initially, I felt that my behavior should reflect the image of a Dafa disciple, so I worked hard, doing dirty and tiring jobs. Every time I finished my work, I always hoped that my superiors would see how diligent I was. Yet they only saw what I did on a few occasions. Consequently I became quite upset.
Once, the family members of a newly admitted patient shouted unreasonably at me. I was very angry and put her in a crowded room. That night I went to a group study and through sharing, I discovered that I wanted to seek revenge for the unfair treatment I had suffered during the day.
In 2007, there was a period of time when the doctors would irresponsibly prescribe medication just to get more benefits. My heart was moved, and I looked down on them. These were people we should be saving as Dafa disciples. How could I look down on them? Due to my unkind thoughts about them, I was actually pushing them away from salvation. I understood from the Fa that whenever Dafa disciples have conflicts with non-practitioners, Dafa disciples are definitely at fault. I rectified my attitude and quietly did my job well. I regarded everyone with a compassionate heart. My colleagues saw this and understood that Dafa is good. Nearly everyone has quit the Communist Party.
In the beginning of 2010, I was transferred to the most demanding department. I was truly very uncomfortable about the shift, as I was afraid of hardship. However, I had a righteous thought: I would only walk on the path arranged by Master and clarify the truth to the patients I came into contact with. During my night shift, whenever there were patients, I would clarify the truth to them. When there were no patients, I studied the Fa, did the exercises, and sent righteous thoughts. Fellow colleagues who were on the same shift envied me. They commented, "Look at those who practice Dafa. They are protected by their Master. She is the most relaxed person on the night shift." Nowadays, whenever an acquaintance comes to seek medical treatment, my colleagues approach the few of us who are practitioners and tell us to clarify the truth about Dafa to them.
The environment in my workplace is good as a result of the combined efforts of several practitioners. I also coordinated well with fellow practitioners at my workplace. If someone is clarifying the truth to a patient, another practitioner will usually send righteous thoughts or act as a third party to persuade the patient to quit the Communist Party. In the end, the patient usually renounces the Party membership.
As I work nights, I have more time during the day. Thus, I often go to the prisons and labor camps nearby to send righteous thoughts. Sometimes, I felt uncomfortable doing this alone for long periods of time and hoped that other practitioners could join me. I thought of Master's words:
"All the Dafa disciples who participate in the sit-ins in front of the Chinese embassies and consulates are remarkable. You've really endured a lot." (Comments on the Article "Some Ideas From Discussions Among Students Who Have Participated in the Sit-In Appeals in Front of the Chinese Embassies and Consulates")
I encouraged myself with righteous thoughts. I am remarkable. Besides, one should cultivate oneself in cultivation. Why should I look at others? When it got very cold in winter, I sometimes became lazy and did not go to the prisons to send righteous thoughts. I thought to myself, "It is too cold. If I had a car and could drive, I could bring along several elderly practitioners and we could sit in the car and send righteous thoughts." I had this wish and Master helped me. I quickly learned how to drive and bought a car. All this was arranged by Master.
These are some of my understandings and experiences of how I have looked within. Please kindly point it out if there is anything inappropriate.