(Clearwisdom.net)
Searching for Master
I suffered from poor health since I was a young child. I was also very temperamental and emotional. When I was 17 or 18, I had the wish of becoming a cultivator, as I longed to escape from suffering, death and reincarnation. I learned Zhuyou Ke [the practice of supplication], Zhouyi [I Ching], and a few kinds of fake qigong. I also used qigong to cure others' illnesses. In order to look for a cultivation way, I went alone to Taoist and Buddhist temples all over China, such as the ones in Qingcheng Mountain in Chengdu, Sichuan Province. I spent a lot of time and money and met with many people, and even thought about going deep into the mountains to find solo cultivators. Despite my efforts, I could not find the true Fa I was searching for.
In 1996, a friend of mine said I should read the book Zhuan Falun. I immediately went to a bookstore, but the book was sold out. I went to several other bookstores, but the results were the same. Finally, after asking around, I was able to acquire a copy of Zhuan Falun. When I saw Master's picture for the first time, I felt that his face was so familiar, as though I had known him all along. My wandering heart finally found its destiny. I knew this was the Master and Fa I was searching all over China to find.
Going to Beijing to Appeal
When the persecution against Falun Gong began in July 1999, many practitioners went to Beijing to appeal to the central government. Due to my attachments, I was hesitant. When I returned home and read Master's article "Digging out the Roots" (Essentials for Further Advancement), I became clear-headed. In the article, Master said,
"At the crucial moment when I ask you to break away from humanness, you do not follow me. Each opportunity will not occur again. Cultivation practice is a serious matter. The distance has become greater and greater. It is extremely dangerous to add anything human to cultivation practice. In fact, it is also fine to just be a good person. But you must be clear that you choose your own path."
That night, I took 300 yuan with me and left home quietly. I wanted to catch up with the practitioners who left for Beijing earlier. Actually, they were caught by police and returned before they even reached Jinan, the provincial capital, but I did not know that at the time. I thought they must have arrived in Beijing before me. When I reached Tiananmen Square, I was hoping to see them. However, I walked around but could not see anyone I knew. I overheard some people talking near me, and they sounded like Falun Dafa disciples. I started chatting with them and confirmed my guess. I felt much better. These practitioners were from northeastern China. They had given up their jobs to come to Beijing to appeal. One person even sold her noodle-making machine, which she depended on for a living, to buy a train ticket for Beijing. Their steadfastness touched me. We met a few other practitioners later, and decided to split up and take different routes to go to the appeal office on Fuyou Street, not far from Tiananmen Square. If we could not meet at the appeal office, we would meet again at Tiananmen Square. However, at that point, Tiananmen Square was crawling with plainclothes police. We were questioned several times, and our plans could not be implemented. We did not want the police to know we were Falun Gong practitioners, since we had not accomplished our mission yet. As night fell, we could not linger any longer on Tiananmen Square. In order to save money, we went to the train station or parks to sleep. When we were thirsty, we drank tap water from public bathrooms. (In China, unboiled tap water is unsafe for drinking.) As days went by, there were more police at the train station at night, so we slept on park benches and endured the mosquitoes.
One day I was waiting for a practitioner near a library. She was late, and I became anxious. All around me, I could hear slanders and lies about Falun Gong and Master. My heart was aching. I asked Master, "Why? Why should such a great Fa be humiliated like this? Why should it be harmed like this? Where is justice?" I went inside the library and picked up a book randomly. It was Nostradamus' "Centuries." As I flipped through the book, I saw the following passage,
"In the year 1999, seventh month,
From the sky will come a great King of Terror,
In order to bring back to life the great king of Angolmois,
Before and after Mars reigns in the name of bringing people happiness."
Suddenly I understood. I was glad that Master revealed the answer to me. I left the library with a smile.
Going to Beijing to Validate the Fa
Around New Year's Day in 2000, I returned to Beijing with five or six fellow practitioners. We brought several banners that read, "Falun Dafa is great," "Restore my Master's reputation," and so on. When we arrived at Tiananmen Square, there were not a lot of people. We waited for more people to arrive before we unfurled the banners. As we were waiting, a practitioner was questioned and almost taken away by police. We realized we couldn't wait any longer, so we signaled each other and each unfurled a banner hidden around our waists. We shouted loudly, "Falun Dafa is great." Suddenly many plainclothes policemen rushed over, and more police cars came with blaring sirens and surrounded us. We were dragged into the van and were kicked and beaten during the process. There were several other practitioners in the van by the time I got in. We were taken to the police station in Qianmen, just a block south of Tiananmen Square. After fruitless interrogations, the police pushed us into the courtyard. The courtyard was full of practitioners who refused to reveal their names and addresses. Some of them were injured and bleeding. We shouted, "You cannot beat people!" "Falun Dafa is great!" "Restore our Master's reputation!" We recited Lunyu and Hong Yin together. We felt as though our voices echoed through the heavens. Although it was really cold and windy, we felt warm inside. I felt an urge to cry.
Later a few buses arrived and took us away. We were taken to a faraway police station. They asked for our names and addresses but I refused to tell them. Then an older man in plainclothes came and poured me some water. When there were no other people in the room, he handed me his cell phone for me to make a call to my family. He then told me I would be released soon. I believed him and called home. It was actually a trick to find my home address. At the end of the day, we were taken to a detention center.
After four or five days of detention, I did not want to eat. I had a dream I was going to be released the next day, but when I returned home I faced a lot of pressure. It turned out the next day, a practitioner and I were taken to a remote rural area and set free. It took us a lot of efforts to find a train to return home.
Cultivate Through Everything We Are Doing
In 2004, my mother was detained while distributing fact-clarifying materials. I felt very depressed and passive. After my mother was released, I realized I must eliminate my fundamental attachments and study the Fa well. Chinese people are extremely afraid of the Chinese Communist Party. This is a fact. My family members all turned against Falun Gong out of fear. Isn't this a great loss? Where does our security come from? It should come from Fa study. Only then can we keep up with Master's Fa-rectification process and do well the three things. This was a lesson I learned. Studying the Fa well and harmonizing with the Fa are connected with our fundamental being. After examining myself deeply, I realized that I could not improve unless I eliminated the attachments to consummation and time.
For a few years, I didn't think about making fact-clarification materials myself. I only handed out whatever I received from other practitioners. In 2006, another practitioner encouraged me to set up a material center at home. This was a big leap in xinxing requirements. Every time the machines stopped working, it was because my xinxing needed improvements. Just as another practitioner said: we must improve our xinxing first before we can repair the machines. Sometimes I felt that I couldn't find any attachment, yet the machines still refused to work. I bowed in front of Master's picture and occasionally burst into tears out of frustration. But once I found the attachment, everything would be fine.
This July, both my printer and computer stopped working. As I searched inward, I found that I lacked compassion and had too much emotion. I also did not study the Fa with as much focus as before. Why was that?
"However, the Three Realms are the reverse of everything in the cosmos, so the Fa's principles have also provided beings at this level with reversed principles suitable for the existence of everyday people, such as conquering the world with military force, the victor governing the country, acquiring food by killing, the strong being heroes, and so on. Along with concepts of a good person, a bad person, war, etc., all of these things have given rise to ordinary humans' principles and human understandings. All of these are wrong when judged by the righteous Fa-principles at high levels in the cosmos. So a cultivator needs to let go of all the notions and principles of everyday people, and only then can he cultivate to a high level and break out of the Three Realms, the reverse of the cosmos. " ("Dafa Is All-Encompassing," Essentials for Further Advancement II)
I was a cultivator of Truth-Compassion-Forbearance, yet I was often controlled by ordinary people's concepts and notions. Using ordinary people's logic, one would naturally choose to protect oneself, which is the direct opposite of the compassion and selflessness in high-level principles. We must be clearheaded and pro-actively handle every thought and action, so that we could eliminate human attachments and reach the standard of divine beings. Only then can we be genuine Dafa disciples. If we cannot break through the human notions formed over the last thousands of years, we will be led by the reverse principles without realizing it. If we only pay attention to quantity and not quality when we study the Fa, we will not be able to improve ourselves. These are some understandings I have come to after suffering some losses. Through cultivation, I realized we can only do the three things well if we focus on cultivating on the Fa and look inside. Miracles can happen when we least expect them. Time spent studying the Fa is time well spent. Let us diligently study the Fa well, cultivate ourselves, and more effectively save sentient beings!
