(Clearwisdom.net) Before I started practicing Falun Gong in 1998, I had a strong attachment to fighting and jealousy. I was often at odds with my husband, always complaining, and frequently brought up divorce. My family had no peace.
Someone recommended that I practice Falun Gong because it could change one's character, so I went out and bought the book Zhuan Falun. At that time, I didn't really understand the contents of the book or know anything about cultivation. I later got the book, Essentials for Further Advancement, but I didn't focus on reading it. My problem was that I didn't have faith in Dafa, didn't know how to cultivate my Xinxing and I was still fighting for fame and profit. Only when the Chinese Communist Party began persecuting Falun Gong on July 20, 1999, did I believe what Teacher said!
During the ten years that I have been cultivating, Teacher has protected me and given me hints, but I had poor enlightenment and stumbled in my path of cultivation due to having strong attachments.
In 2004, I was reported and arrested only because I was posting banners promoting Falun Gong and exposing the persecution. I was sent to a detention center. While there, I once tried to clarify the truth to a guard, but became angry after he told me that he just wanted to talk to someone because he was bored. I didn't cultivate my speech and said, "I don't want to talk to you anymore." Teacher was using the guard to let me know that I hadn't reached the standard of "Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance." I thought, since I was trying to save people, why couldn't I be truthful, compassionate and forbearing?
With Teacher's protection, I felt confident that I could leave the den of evil. At that time, I had been sentenced to three years of forced labor, and I was about to be sent to the forced labor camp. With Teacher's help, I was miraculously released to go home.
At home, as I was reading "Lecture Four" of Zhuan Falun, where Teacher said,
"If you hate that person, aren't you upset? You have not followed forbearance. We practice Zhen-Shan-Ren, and you would have even less compassion so to speak of."
I came to understand that compassion comes from within.
In 2005, before I went out to distribute truth-clarification materials at a village, I had the thought, "What should I do if something happens?" Later, after all the materials were distributed, my attachment of fear surfaced again. The old forces then took advantage of my loophole. I ended up being arrested and detained for over three weeks. My family had to spend a lot of money for my release. My husband became upset and yelled at me. I didn't control myself and said some unkind words back to him. I thus failed to pass the test.
Back at home, I constantly studied the Fa and looked within to find my shortcomings. I have been detained twice and my family members have suffered and sacrificed a great deal for me. With Teacher and the Fa, I can overcome many tribulations, but my family members are ordinary people, so they have been suffering more than I have, especially after my second oldest sister was persecuted to death for telling people the facts about Dafa. How could I be angry with them? It was because I didn't do well that I brought them hardships.
I then began to control myself, and I no longer become angry. Whenever my husband yells at me, I only have the thought, "It's the postnatally acquired notion that makes me angry. I must eliminate this attachment. The real me is peaceful, and free of hate and grievances." Now that I no longer get angry, my family has become more peaceful! My husband has stopped yelling at me and my whole family supports me. Whenever my husband comes across difficulties at work, I console and guide him with the principles of Dafa. Although he is not a practitioner, he believes that Falun Dafa is good.
I am grateful from the bottom of my heart for Teacher's care. To repay Teacher's compassionate salvation, we can only work harder to do the three things well.
