(Clearwisdom.net) In the eyes of fellow practitioners, I am a diligent Dafa practitioner, doing the three things Teacher has told us to do, day in and day out without fail. I have been so diligent that fellow practitioners rarely say anything negative about me. I have taken the lead in doing many things and they have come to depend on me, causing them to have nothing to say.
A little while back, when handing out materials that explained the truth about Dafa, I was reported and arrested. Because of Teacher's protection, I was safely released and allowed to go home, but this incident gave me reason to look inward again and focus more seriously on Dafa cultivation. I found my problem and answers to some things that had puzzled me for several years.
For the last few years, I had known several fellow practitioners who were persecuted. They were either in charge of technical aspects, producing materials about Falun Gong and the persecution, or directly telling people about Falun Gong and the persecution. All appeared to be very diligent and familiar with the principles of the Fa during group sharings, so why then were they still persecuted? My situation was similar to theirs, and I found that the fundamental problem was that I was not diligent in cultivating myself. Because I was busy with Dafa work and took too little time to cultivate myself, I ended up expanding my attachments and looking outward rather than inward.
In Zhuan Falun Teacher said, "One's gong level is as high as one's xinxing level..."
Apparently my Xinxing had fallen to the level of just doing things. It wasn't right that my xinxing hadn't reached the level that the Fa requires. I had a clear understanding of the principles of the Fa and I knew how to cultivate, but I didn't have the motivation to solidify my dedication. Things that I shared with fellow practitioners seemed like clear understandings of the Fa, but my main purpose was to validate my own understanding and to prove that whatever I did was right in order to have others do what I wanted.
Once I understood that all the problems I encountered were due to not cultivating myself solidly in Dafa, I began to understand how to resolve my problems, including jealousy and the attachment to validating myself. I had noticed these two attachments early on, but failed to eliminate them, and felt frustrated. Now I realize that the real problem was that I didn't dedicate myself to solidly cultivating in Dafa. Having a mindset of "eliminating attachments" is still an intent. Furthermore, thinking subconsciously about "eliminating attachments in order to validate Dafa and save sentient beings" is also an intent and still incorrect.
As a Dafa cultivator, the most important thing is to first solidly cultivate oneself. Without cultivating oneself well and without a high level xinxing coupled with mighty virtue, how could one rectify the Fa and save sentient beings? To tell it like it is, cultivation is for cultivating oneself, but not solely for the purpose of consummation. In Lecture Two of Zhuan Falun, Teacher said,
"A practitioner believes he should only focus on practicing, without paying attention to obtaining gong. In cultivation and practice one should be in a state free of intention. As long as you focus on cultivating your xinxing, you will make breakthroughs in your level and certainly get things you deserve."
In keeping myself busy every day validating the Fa, saving sentient beings, and doing the three things well, I fell into a state of just doing things for a purpose. It was like saying that if it were not for the need to do these things, I wouldn't be a Dafa cultivator. But in reality, if it were not for the degeneration of the cosmos and all of us becoming bad, why would Teacher's Fa-rectification have been necessary? Teacher wants to help us return to our original homes in the heavens, but I was not thinking about the final goal of our cultivation and was letting Teacher down.
After this became clear to me, I found that it wasn't hard to eliminate any kind of human attachment. With a clear mind and after solidly cultivating myself, I saw that there was a big gap between where I was and where the Fa required me to be. I also came to realize just how tough it is to cultivate solidly. But I am a disciple of Teacher. I will cultivate myself well and be the kind of Dafa disciple that Teacher wants us to be.
It is becoming more difficult to express my understanding of the Fa in words, but I am hoping that writing about my cultivation experience will help fellow practitioners who are experiencing tribulations and those who are still being persecuted. Let us genuinely look within ourselves, solidly cultivate ourselves, honor our prehistoric vows, and accomplish our mission.
